Page 85 of Lovestruck at Sundown
“William, you told me your dad cheated on your mom countless times. He even had Zara,” I reminded him as if he needed me to refresh his memory. “Their relationship is not our relationship. We can make different choices.” I stood and closed the distance between us. “We can make this work. I know we can. Maybe your schedule won’t be as grueling as you think it will be.”
His gaze dropped to the floor as he shook his head with stubbornness.
“I can’t promise anything right now,” I said. “But you can’t say no to this because of me. Because ofus.” I gestured between us with my hand. “I know you want to accept this role. You won’t forgive yourself if you don’t. And I don’t want to carry the burden of being the reason why you declined either.”
He met my gaze and considered my words in silence. He wasn’t the only one trying to avoid family patterns. I, too, had to stifle the growing need to drop everything and follow him to the end of the world, just like my mother did with my dad and his diplomatic career. So, if I did the same, where would that leave me? What aboutmydreams?
“I saw what it did to my mother to follow my dad around the world while she got to stand by his side and smile for the cameras.” I refused to follow someone else’s footsteps when I also had dreams of my own, things I wanted to accomplish. “It consumed her. I could tell she was always trying to conceal herunhappiness whenever she was with me. But even my father confirmed on my last birthday that she used to resort to alcohol and cigarettes to deal with the stress.”
My heart squeezed inside my chest thinking of my mother struggling with her feelings. I could only imagine what it would feel like if she were alive and could offer me some words of wisdom. What I wouldn’t give to have her hold me and tell me everything was going to be okay.
“I would never make you feel alone or abandoned. And I will always try my best to avoid doing anything that could potentially become a source of stress for you,” he said. “You can always tell me how you’re feeling. And you can count on me plucking every single cigarette off your fingers and ask you how you’re doing afterward because I see that’s something you got from your mother.” He slid a finger down my cheek and stared into my eyes and right through my soul. “The things I’d do for you if you’d let me.” His voice sounded defeated as he slowly seemed to make peace with the situation.
“Oh, William.” I ran my finger along his brow and stared into his sky-blue eyes that never ceased to make me swoon. William made me feel like there was nothing he wouldn’t do for me. And I’d do everything for him, too, even if it meant staying behind while I convinced him to chase his dreams instead of rejecting the offer for my sake.
“I know you’re scared,” I continued. “I am too, but this is not a decision to be taken lightly. This is your career, and you are standing at a crossroads. And please, I need you to know that I have your back and always will. We can make this work. But I need to graduate first. Here, in New York. And I promise we’ll figure everything out afterward, one step at a time. We won’t be apart forever. The thought of it”—I shook my head—“makes me sick to mystomach.”
The sound of sudden thick sheets of rain pounding against the windows startled me. It was pouring outside. We instinctively turned our attention toward the growing racket.
I reached out for Williams’s hand and pulled him closer to me. “Besides, you said you’d never break up with me.”
“I won’t.” He placed his hands on my waist. “But what ifyoudo?” His hands traveled slowly up my ribcage until they reached the side of my breasts. He extended his thumbs and rubbed my nipples, making them hard in an instant. A low moan left my lips. “What if you start feeling lonely?” His hands cupped my breasts and squeezed lightly. “What if someone else comes along and gives you all the things I won’t be able to give you because I’ll be away, and—”
“Stop,” I said with a breathy groan. The thought of being with someone who wasn’t him was out of the question. “I’ll only ever want you.” He fisted my hair in his hand and arched my neck to kiss the sensitive skin below my ear. The roughness of his motion ignited a fire low in my belly, and I allowed it to burn me. “William—” He pulled off my jacket and let it fall to the floor behind me. His fingers teased the skin underneath the hem of my sweater, and he slowly pulled it over my head.
“Can you feel it?” he said, his warm hands traveling up and down my back, pulling me even closer to him. “How much I fucking need you?” My bra fell to the floor after he expertly unclasped it with two fingers.
“Yes,” I breathed as he kneeled in front of me and undid my jeans, slowly pulling them down. He kissed my stomach and worked his way down, hooking a finger along the hem of my underwear and pulling until they fell to the floor. He tossed my leg over his shoulder and swirled the flat of his tongue over my most sensitive spot.
He looked up at me. “Fuck, I missed you.” His fingers duginto the flesh of my hips to keep me stable as I held onto his shoulders. “This”—he entered me with his finger and cursed under his breath when he was met with my slickness—“is mine.”
The rain kept pouring, and soft shadows of water cascading down the windows were cast on the floor and around us. Only a pale light we’d left on our way in shone from the foyer.
“Tell me we’ll make it work,” he said, his words almost a prayer as he quickly found that spot inside me that would make me go crazy. “Tell me we’ll make it through this.”
“There’s no world,” I said with a moan, my fingers latching on to his hair to keep my balance, “universe, or reality where you’re not it for me.”
He stood, introducing a second finger inside me, and kissed me. I could taste myself on his lips, and I wasn’t sure my knees wouldn’t buckle, but I still managed to say, “And I’ll always find my way to you in every single one of them.”
December 18, 2010
William was cookingfor Nina and me at his apartment. He’d assimilated her presence and wanted to formally welcome her by inviting her over for a casual early dinner at his place. Afterward, she had an NYU Christmas party to attend, so she walked in looking stunning in a short gold long-sleeved sequin dress with a heart-shaped neckline. CJ and David would be picking her up later. William and I hadn’t left the apartment building since he arrived three days ago. But we’d hit the gym and hung out with Lily, Joel, and Tobias at Lily and Joel’s apartment last night.
Now that we’d agreed that William would accept the role of Haldor Stormbreaker for the MC Comics films, he was actually grateful that I wouldn’t be alone when he left. And I was too. Nina was the perfect roommate.
We agreed not to bring up the subject as much as we could and try to live in the present. There were still eight months left before he had to go to L.A. Wallowing about the future would only generate unnecessary stress, not just for us on a personal level but for the relationship as well.
It was all about taking things one day at a time. And I was veryexcited for him. A role like this one was a massive accomplishment.
“I’ll take good care of her when you’re gone,” Nina said when we shared the news. “And don’t worry.” She zipped her lips closed with her fingers. “I won’t tell a soul.”
Since William still had to formally accept the offer, it was important to prevent the information from leaking. But I trusted Nina. William had called his manager to tell him he would do it, but he still had to fly to Los Angeles for a wardrobe test and to sign the paperwork. He needed a break, though, so this wasn’t happening until January.
My phone vibrated on the counter.
Liam:Hey, Red.
Liam:Want to hang out? Or does William have you chained to his bed?
