Page 14 of Lovestruck at Sundown
“Same,” she said, putting her phone away. “Take good care of her, Aaron.”
Aaron nodded once, and William tightened his grip around me. His way of letting me knowI can take good care of you too. “Tell Eitan I said hi and that I can still beat him at chess anytime.”
Noa laughed. “He really sucks at chess. But don’t tell him I said that.”
“Oh, I’ll make sure to mention it next time I talk to him,” he said with a laugh, making Noa roll her eyes.
“I really need to go.” She rubbed her palms in front of her chest and then waved us goodbye with a short sway of her hand. She looked over her shoulder at William and said, “Big fan of your work. Paper Planes is my favorite movie of yours.”
William smiled. “Thank you, Noa.”
We saw her walk away, and William kissed my cheek. “Take all the time you need.”
The time had come to say my last farewell to Caleb.
Everyone saunteredoff to give me privacy while I sat on the ground next to Caleb’s grave. William wandered further away, but Aaron and David remained a bit closer and kept their gazes glued in my direction. But they were far enough to make me feel comfortable because I intended to talk to Caleb out loud, and I wouldn’t have been able to comfortably do so if they had decided to linger next to me.
With a sigh, I looked away and directed my focus back to what I intended to do.
“Hey, Cohen,” I said, leaving the white roses over the slab. “I brought you these.” I laughed a sad laugh under my breath. “I know, I know. Everyone keeps telling me you guys ‘don’t do flowers.’ But I do, and you know how it always was between us.”
Clearing my throat, I pressed my palm against the cold stone. “I can’t believe I’m here. And I’m sorry I couldn’t come sooner, but I swear I tried. I couldn’t convince Nathan, and my father practically ignored my request when I mentioned it. You know how it is, how it’s always been. But I’m hoping things will change once I’m back in New York.”
I covered my mouth from the side and leaned in as if wanting to tell him a secret. “I escaped and hopped on a plane to SouthAfrica to go after William. And guess what? It’s your fault.” I laughed softly and straightened my back again. “Aaron gave me your letter. And I read it. And … I can’t thank you enough. You mentioned that I saved you, but you saved me too. You keep doing it even now. You’ve managed to set me free. Or at least now I have the weapons to fight for that freedom you know I’ve always longed for.” I took a deep breath in and let it out with a sigh. Tears streamed down my face, leaving small dark dots scattered on Caleb’s grave. And I couldn’t help but wonder how many tears this stone had collected in the past few months since his passing.
“We’re together now, William and I,” I continued. A soft, cool breeze blew around me, enveloping me, and I closed my eyes for a second, feeling so sure in my mind and heart that it was Caleb giving me his approval. “I had to beg, though.” I laughed again. “But it was worth it. We’re so happy, and I know it won’t be easy. My dad won’t approve, but I’m hoping William will win him over with his charm.” The breeze suddenly stopped blowing, and it felt ominous, like Caleb was trying to warn me. And I knew it was all in my head. It was just wind! It didn’t mean anything. But I was so desperate for any type of feedback, wishing Caleb could reply to me in a way that I could listen to and understand. I wanted to hear his voice again—his lovely accent.
“I fucking miss you,” I said bitterly, pounding my fist against the stone. A gentle whimper escaped my throat. “It’s not fair. You weren’t supposed to leave. You promised. You—” The soft breeze picked up again, shutting me up. It made me smile despite the anger. It had to be him. It had to be Caleb. “I miss you. And I’ll never stop. You took a piece of my heart with you. I love you.”
Pressing my palms on the stone, I lowered my forehead and allowed myself to cry like that, attempting to let it all out, all thegrief and the pain that still hung heavily from my heart.
I could hear the rustle of leaves from the trees above me between my shuddering pants. It comforted me. It reminded me of the time I sat next to Caleb below that massive Horse Chestnut tree outside of the church in Paris. Our Paris. This happened on the anniversary of my mother’s death when my dad didn’t show up. But Caleb filled in for him and accompanied me on that difficult day. I believe that was the first time we really talked. The day our friendship started. When I first realized he was harboring pain inside him too, and we talked about it. I remember the gentle swish of the leaves that day. It was getting cold, but I didn’t care. I wanted to listen to what he had to say.
The breeze subdued, and it made me look up and become aware of the inevitable fact that the sun was quickly approaching the west, and that it soon was going to be time to get back on that plane and leave.
“Miss Murphy,” Aaron said behind me, his voice softer, gentler. “I don’t mean to rush you, but I found this stone.” He leaned in and offered it to me. I took it and inspected it with my fingers. “We leave stones because they last longer. We do it with our left hand.”
So these were visiting stones piling up on his grave and on all the others around me.
“Thank you, Aaron.”
He nodded once and walked back to where David stood in the distance. William was ambling about, still looking around the place with evident curiosity but getting closer to me.
It was time to wrap things up.
“You know I’m not very religious, and I know my mom was a Catholic, and you were Jewish, but I like to think we all go to the same place after we die, however we want to call it. But I hope you two can meet there, and if you have, just tell her howmuch I love her. And that I miss her too. So much.”
I kept fidgeting with the stone between my fingers until I finally placed it beside the pile of rocks. I wanted my stone to be in direct contact with his grave so others would be placed on top of mine and hopefully shelter it so it could have a higher chance of remaining there as long as possible.
William approached me and squatted behind me, placing his warm hands on my shoulders. “It’s getting late, baby. We need to start heading back.”
“I can’t say goodbye,” I whispered. “I don’t know how.”
“You don’t have to.” He placed a soft kiss on my cheek. “He’ll always be with you. In your heart. In your memories. Just like your mother. No need to say goodbye.”
William was right, so I nodded, and he helped me up to my feet.
“À Dieu vit, mon ami,” I said with a smile.Godspeed, my friend.
