Page 53 of Ghosts Don't Cry
“Don’t even bother arguing with me. I’ll order pizza from Antonio’s.”
She knows me too well. I sniff, wiping my face with the back of my hand.
“Okay.”
“The cab will be there in five minutes.”
It arrives sooner. I leave my car where it is, parked at an angle. I can pick it up tomorrow when my hands stop shaking and the world isn’t falling apart. The driver takes one look at my face and mercifully doesn’t try to make conversation.
By the time I reach Cassidy’s apartment, I’m barely holding it together. She has the door open, waiting, and the second I see her face, every defense I have left crumbles.
I don’t even make it past the threshold.
My legs give out. I hit my knees on her doormat, one hand clutching the doorframe to keep from pitching forward. The sob that tears out of me doesn’t sound human.
“Oh, honey.” Cassidy drops beside me, arms coming around my shoulders. “I’ve got you. I’ve got you.”
But she doesn’t. Nobody does. Because the only person who ever really saw me just told me it was all a lie. He accused me of playing savior while he went along with it.
I can’t breathe, can’t think, can’t do anything but break apart while Cassidy holds the pieces together. She doesn’t try to move me right away, just sits there on the floor with me, one hand rubbing circles on my back, while the other strokes my hair. Eventually, the sobs quiet enough that I can pull in a full breath.
“Come on.” She helps me up, and guides me to the couch. “Sit down. I’ll get wine and tissues.”
She disappears into the kitchen. I slump against the cushions, pressing my palms against my eyes until stars burstbehind them. When she returns, she’s carrying two glasses and a box of tissues.
“Tell me everything.” She settles beside me, handing me a glass. “From the beginning.”
So I do.
“He’s different.” The wine burns going down. “I expected that. Iknewhe’d be different. But his eyes—” I reach for the tissues. “His eyes still hold all that same pain.”
“Of course they do.” She takes my hand. “Prison isn’t going to fix what broke him in the first place.”
“I know that. Ido. But he—” I press my fingers to my lips. They’re still tingling, still sensitive. “He kissed me.”
Cassidy goes very still.
“And Cass, it didn’t feel like nothing. It didn’t feel like he was playing a part or pretending. It felt—” My voice breaks. “For a second, it felt like before. When we were eighteen again and the whole world was the two of us in that factory, and nothing else mattered.”
“What happened then?”
“He pushed me away, and told me to find someone else to save.” The memory hurts my heart. “But before that, for just a second, he was looking at me like …”
Like I was the only real thing in his world.
Like I mattered.
Like every cruel word he said was a lie.
“He was gentle,” I whisper. “After everything, after being so harsh and awful, he touched me like he didn’t want to hurt me … and then he broke me anyway.”
“Oh, Lily.” She pulls me closer.
“He said …” My voice wobbles. “He said none of it was real.”
Cassidy’s hand stills on my back.
“He said I never really cared about him, and that I just wanted to save him to prove I was better than everyone else. Hesaid he was my charity case, a project.” The words stick in my throat. “He said I fell in love with how helping him made me feel, and not with him.”
