Page 69 of Have a Bear-y Little Christmas
Or maybe I was getting carried away with that ol’ vacation razzle dazzle where anything seemed possible. Once the cold reality of everyday life set in when we got home, I’d be slapped in the face with a vengeance by practicality.
Better not to think about it.
“I would like that,” I said. “You’re saying that because you’d like to see all the pretty different leaf colors, aren’t you?”
“Yeah!”
I grinned. No matter what anybody said of me, no one could deny that I knew my daughters. I tried to linger in that pocket of happiness and contentment, knowing that no matter what happened, I would always have them in my life.
But try as I might, my thoughts kept wandering to Jeannie. She fit in so seamlessly with my family. Several folks had approached me to tell me that she was a delight. Earlier, I’d spotted her walking to the old playground with her arm looped through my sister-in-law’s. Somehow, despite all logic, the entire scene seemed soright.
Even, perhaps, meant to be.
But I had never believed in fate. Which I supposed was a bit hypocritical considering it so often felt as if destiny had led me to that specific spot in the aquarium right in front of Zara. Still, too many people used it as an excuse to not do something or resign themselves to never change. Or worse, even as an excuse for when they knew they were doing something wrong.
“We should ask Miss Jeannie and Max too. I bet he’d love it!” Eva squealed.
“I bet he would.”
It was impossible for me not to notice my body’s reaction to the idea. My lips pulled up into a grin, and anticipation locked up the back of my brain. Even though we were in the middle of a trip right now, a not-insignificant part of me was thrilled at the idea of going on another trip with Jeannie and her son.
I straight up didn’t know what to make of it.
If I didn’t know better, I would think I was developing feelings for the curvy, kind mother, who sometimes looked at me and made me believe that the future was full of possibilities. Itwas so completely different from what I’d felt when I first met Zara, that it confused me more than anything else.
When I’d first laid eyes on my wife, it was like the entire world snapped out of existence, and suddenly she was the center of it. Her smile was the sun, and the dark freckles on her cheeks were the stars that dotted the cosmos. One moment, she had been unknown, the next she was practically everything. Even though we were just kids, I could feel the draw of her, the sheer gravity of her presence.
Jeannie wasn’t anything like that. When we were with each other, it was like the troubles of the world grew quiet, but the colors all around us were that much brighter. More intense. The world didn’t wink out of existence; it just was so muchmore.
She wasn’t the sudden center of anything either. She was her own rapidly moving celestial body, allowing me the privilege of being in her presence, extending a hand to me so I could join in her journey through the galaxy, her comet tail radiating light and all those beautiful things that we only saw in high-tech NASA photos.
So, so,soincredibly different, not even in the same stratosphere, really. But if that was the case, then why did my inner bear and the more primal parts of me insist that she could be“mate”?
Because love was love, right? Wasn’t it always supposed to be the same?
I didn’t know, and I wasn’t ready to ask anyone. Especially since sometimes it felt like the only person I could truly share my unfinished, rougher thoughts with was Jeannie herself. Maybe that was why my mind kept going back to her over and over again.
In fact, it was almost like I could hear her, those dulcet tones of hers and musical laugh drifting through the trees like a melody carried on the slightly spiky wind.
Wait…
“Now hold up finger guns like you’re secret agents.”
Actually, I was pretty sure that was her voice.
“Jeannie?” I called, jogging up the path. As I rounded a thick corner of dense pines, I saw her, Ana, and Max on the side of the trail, doing cheesy poses beneath an impressive oak tree that could have been a stand-in for the Angel Oak on Johns Island.
“Remy!” My heart ratcheted at the pure pleasure on her face. “What are you doing here?”
I almost told her we were there to scout the trail to see if it was appropriate for Max, but I didn’t want him to feel bad about it, so I tried to come up with a plausible excuse.
“Just wanted to stretch our legs a bit,” I said.
“What a coincidence. So did we,” Ana answered quickly—too quickly. Clearly, the rather mixed-up feelings I was having about Jeannie and my whole internal situation was spilling over into other parts of my life, because it felt like everything had a double meaning. That wouldn’t be healthy long-term, so obviously I had some stuff to work on.
“What a fun coincidence.”
“Yeah,” Max said, bounding up to me. His running gait was a lot steadier. From the day I met him, I noticed he was a touch like a new fawn on shaky legs.
