Page 63 of Have a Bear-y Little Christmas
“Sure, I’d love to see it.”
I wasn’t surprised that there was an entirely different set somewhere, because the playground where the kids had played the first day seemed fairly new—as in less than a decade old. Nothing like the wooden ones at parks when I was a kid. You were guaranteed to get splinters there, yet none of us seemed tocare. Although I sure did care a lot when I’d gotten one under my nail when I was five.Blech!I’d had an aversion to them for months after that.
The old playground was on the other side of the main cabin in a part I hadn’t visited yet. It was in the shadow of the large building, so the entire thing was cast in shade, making it far colder than the other one. Even bundled up as I was, I couldn’t help but shiver.
There was barely anything left of it, just a jagged square of concrete and a couple of metal structures and holes in the ground where the main posts of what had to have been a wooden jungle gym used to stand.
“You know, I never could get the hang of monkey bars,” I said wistfully. “Something about the texture of it against my palms. Gave me the heebiesandthe jeebies.”
“Really?” Ana said with a soft smile. “That was my and Zara’s favorite. Even when she got tired really quickly, she’d clamber up and sit on the top, I’d swing below her, or even hang upside down by my knees, while we talked about all the things we were going to do when we grew up.
“Back then, some of the kids thought we were a little weird for talking about college and jobs, but we understood that my sister wouldn’t get the same chances that everyone else did.”
I jolted internally. I suddenly remembered who I was talking to. In my mind, I thought of her as Remy’s sister. I’d forgotten she was hissister-in-law.It was her sibling who had died, and I was probably very obviously swooning over the man who was supposed to be with her sister forever.
How incrediblyfuckingawkward.
“It’s hard, being sick as a kid.” That was all I could think to say. Suddenly, I was wondering if there was a reason Ana had asked me for a walk. Maybe she had noticed me making patheticeyes at her brother-in-law and wanted to gently and politely check me before I made a fool of myself.
God, I was such an idiot!
“It is. It definitely is. And I know you get that a lot more than other people.”
The grace in her voice surprised me. She almost sounded fond of me. Surely I didn’t deserve anything like that. It wasn’t like I had made an inappropriate move on Remy, but I would be lying if I said I didn’t have any sort of attraction or feelings for him whatsoever. It was just a crush—at least that was what I kept telling myself—but that didn’t make it any less inappropriate.
“I know Max’s situation is a bit different, and while my sister had a time limit from the moment she was born, he’s gonna go live an amazing, long, and healthy life. But still... I can tell you get it.”
“I can’t imagine what it must have been like for her,” I said slowly, cautiously, trying to put as much care and consideration as I could into my words. “But from what I’ve heard of her, she was an amazing person who lived her life to the fullest. And that she made everyone else’s lives better too.”
“She really did,” Ana agreed. “She was the most giving, generous person I’ve ever met. It was like she was trying to pack an entire century’s worth of joy into what limited time she had.”
“I wish I could have met her.”
“So do I, but if you did, things would be a lot different between you and Remy, wouldn’t it?”
I froze. So, weweregonna talk about it.
“Look, I’m sorry?—”
Ana held up a hand. “Whatever direction you think this conversation is going, I promise it’s not. I’m just trying to find the right words. It’s been eighteen months since she died, and about three years since she was really in decline, but sometimes it feels like yesterday.”
I nodded, my heart thundering wildly. Ana’s tone was so gentle, but she had to hate me, right? I was interloping on a hole her sister’s death had left. I hadn’t meant to, though.
“But I have had the unique privilege of knowing about and preparing for her premature passing since I was old enough to understand it, so maybe it’s weird that I’m thinking about this only eighteen months later, but whatever.”
I frowned. “Thinkingwhat?”
“Zara only really ever asked me for one thing, and that was to make sure Remy found happiness whenever he was ready. And I’m not saying that’s right now, but I am saying I think itcouldbe now.”
Wait…what?
I blinked at her in disbelief, but didn’t say anything, because what could I say to that? Thankfully, she wasn’t done speaking, so I didn’t have to pull words out of the mess going on inside my head.
“Look, I love Remy. He was the best man for my sister. But before she passed, Zara made him promise that he would move on and find happiness once he was ready. I know he remembers that part, but I kinda think he’s misinterpreted that.”
I was pretty sure that he’d said something similar to me, but that last part was new. “Oh?”
“Yeah. I’m not in his head, but it kind of feels like he believes hehasto be happy and act like everything is okay. Almost toxic positivity.
