Page 98 of Have a Bear-y Little Christmas
I knew it was a bit foolish, a bit blindly optimistic, but I’d thought that chunk of our life was over. Every night, I prayed to the universe and anybody else who would listen that my son would never, ever have to go through something like that again. But now?
What if the cancer was back?
That was the thing that kept repeating in my head over and over again, making me want to vomit. A great deal of my brainclamored at me to call Remy and... I didn’t even know what. It wasn’t like there was anything that he could do, but still, it would be a huge comfort to me. But for whatever reason, I was locked inside my own body until I knew what was going on.
When a knock sounded on the door, it took all of my willpower not to jump to my feet and fling it open. “Come in,” I said softly, bracing myself for everything I had been dreading.
“We have the X-rays back,” Dr. Byrne said as soon as she stepped in. “Unfortunately, it seems that Max has pneumocystis pneumonia, so we’re going to want to be incredibly proactive on that and fairly aggressive.”
“Pneumonia?” I asked in shock. I’d had that once in my life, and it had been a bit of a recovery, but I hadn’t had a compromised immune system. What was that going to do to my son?
“I don’t mean to be pedantic, but I want to stress that this is pneumocystis pneumonia, not regular pneumonia or walking pneumonia.”
Of course. Of course, my son who had already suffered so much had to have a special lung infection too. “What’s the difference?” I asked calmly even as my mind spun with everything I needed to do.
For one, I didn’t care how bad the gas bill got, I was cranking the heat when we got home. Also, it was definitely time to haul his humidifier out of storage. What else? What did somebody do when a kid had pneumonia?
“PCP, as we often call it, only happens to those who are immunocompromised—people with organ transplants who are on immunosuppressants, people with HIV/AIDS, or…” She paused,heavilypaused, and despite everything I knew what she was about to say.
“Or people with cancer,” I supplied.
“Yes.”
My breathing picked up even though I was trying to keep calm so Max wouldn’t wake up.
“I know this is difficult, but there is a greater chance that he is still in remission and this is just because his body is still recovering in many ways.”
Okay, so it wasn’t an immediate cancer sentence. That was… that was good.
I swallowed hard. “What do we do now?”
“First, we’re going to treat this. We’ll be able to use trimethoprim as well as a steroid. I’ll start his first dose of Bactrim—that’s the brand name—here in an IV along with a bunch of nutrients to help him with hydration. We’ll have him on the Bactrim for three weeks, and the steroids will be every day for the first week, then as needed after that. As always, please notify us if any of his symptoms worsen.”
“Why do I feel that’s not all?”
“Because it isn’t.” I liked Dr. Byrne a lot. She was kind, but she didn’t sugarcoat things. She was blunt, almost to a fault, and that worked for Max and me. “If he’s improved after the three weeks, I want him back in for a CBC, more X-rays, and possibly a bone marrow aspirate. If his cancer has returned, or even migrated, I want it identified early so we can treat it as soon as possible.”
“Of course, of course,” I murmured. God, I wanted to fall apart. But I couldn’t. I wasn’t allowed to because Max needed me, and I’d promised him he could always count on me. Considering the streak we were on, I wasn’t about to break that now. “I’m… I’m gonna wake him up for the IV now and explain what’s going on. But…” I licked my lips, trying to think if what I was asking was what a good mother would do or my own fear talking. “Let’s hold off on the cancer talk until he’s had some medicine in him for a few days.”
“I understand and agree that would be best. Sometimes Max knows a bit too much for someone his age, so let’s not pile it on, shall we?”
“Agreed.”
“Perfect. I’ll step out to give you time to bring him up to speed, then send in a nurse to set up the IV. I’ll come speak to Max toward the end of his drip. Do you have any other questions?”
“No, none for now.”
“Excellent. I’ll see you later.”
I nodded and gently roused Max. He didn’t want to wake up, but once he realized how serious it was, he shook himself awake.
Bless his soul, he didn’t freak out at all. He said he was happy there was medicine and didn’t mind an IV as long as he could sleep. I knew that something like pneumonia seemed like small potatoes when he’d already had to deal with several years of cancer before his tenth birthday, but still, I couldn’t help but be impressed with his ability to look on the bright side. Because it didn’t feel delusional, like some of the poor folk I’d met in the various medical buildings I’d been in, but just… very, very brave.
My little man. My big guy. I didn’t know where he got it from, but I was ever so grateful he had it at all.
I stayed right by his side until about halfway through his IV before the nurse encouraged me to take a moment to myself. I reluctantly stepped out of the room, but then I remembered that there was someone who no doubt would want to know if Max was ill.
Three someones, actually.
