Page 75 of Her Tiger of a Duke
“But you are my…my Duchess.Beatrice– Beatrice, you are everything to me. It is because of that that I cannot let myself come to close to you, because if something were to happen to you, I would blame myself.”
“If something were to happen to me, you would not even know. How is that better for you?”
“I did not want this marriage. But you…you Beatrice are…” He shook his head dismissively. “I have been hiding from it, because I can never be the man you need me to be. I will fail you, and there is no escaping that.”
“And is that what you truly believe?”
Her voice had softened, and she hoped that he would consider it, and shake his head, but instead he nodded solemnly. If that was what he thought; that he would never be a good husband to her, then she would not open herself to being hurt deliberately. He released his grip on her, and she walked away.
She entered her room and began to place her belongings in a bag. She did not know quite how she would be able to leave, but she knew she had to. If he did not love her, and certainly notenough to change, then she would never be able to love him in return, no matter how much she wanted to.
She heard Owen knock on her door, but after two attempts he walked away. That was for the best, she decided, as she could no longer face him. After what he had said, all that she truly wanted was to leave and not see him again.
It was still dark outside when she left, but the footman was awake. His eyes widened at the sight of her, which Beatrice thought had to be because of how she looked.
“Are you unwell, Your Grace?”
“I must go,” she explained. “You may bring the carriage back after, but I have to leave now.”
There was an urgency in her voice, and though the footman looked beyond her as if searching for Owen, he did not argue with her. He gave a small nod, and she climbed in, her heart racing. She wondered, briefly, if her husband would come out to her and beg her not to go, but of course he did not. He did not love her, and he never would.
Granted, she never thought that anyone ever could. During her marriage, she had begun to hope that she had always been wrong about herself, but there it was, the proof that she had needed to be certain. She was not like her friends, not worth loving no matter what she did.
“Am I to take you home, Your Grace?” the footman asked.
“No,” she replied firmly. “No, I would like to see my mother, instead.”
She had said it without thinking, but she knew in an instant that she could not face her. The only time she had truly felt accepted by her mother was when she was to marry Owen, and she would not take kindly to any difficulties that had arisen.
“On second thought,” she said quickly, “I would like to see the Duke and Duchess of Lupton.”
He nodded, and they left. Beatrice, having nobody to talk to, watched as the scenery changed and the sky lightened. She yearned to go back to her husband and mend everything, but that was not what he wanted and so it could not happen.
And so, she never wanted to see him again.
CHAPTER 30
“Where is Beatrice?” Helena asked at breakfast.
Owen did not know what to say. He had not expected her to truly leave, but she had. Their carriage had disappeared in the night, and as Helena and George did not have one, he was stranded until it returned for him.
“The footman knows,” he grumbled. “I suppose he will tell me when he comes back.”
“You ought to fire him,” George said. “He should know to listen to you.”
“Alas, I wanted my staff to treat my wife as they would me. Besides, for all he knew it could have been an emergency and he did not have time to think. I cannot blame him for helping her.”
“And just why did she leave?” Helena asked, eyes narrowing. “More to the point, why do you not seem terribly concerned?”
It was an unfair accusation, for he was. He was frightened about Beatrice’s safety and confused as to where she could have gone. It was not that she had nowhere else to go, for that would have meant she had to return home, but that she had too many places. There was her family’s home, and then her three friends and all their properties too, as well as their own estates. She could have been anywhere in England, and he could not go after her.
“What do you want me to do?” he asked. “I have no way of chasing her, and I do not know where she has gone.”
“And that should make you terrified, but there you are sitting at the table seemingly without a care.”
“That is not true.”
“George?” she asked.
