Page 46 of Hacking His Code
“I imagine what it must be like to be close to someone. To trust them, but also, to feel them. To lean into them. To feel my skin press against theirs. I’m not just talking about sex, just the intimacy of their flesh. Their warmth. A shared space.”
Fuck, I can no longer stay silent.
“I don’t think you realize just how similar we are, Ari.”
“Oh? Don’t tell me you’re a virgin. I’m not going to buy that.”
“Far from it, but as you said, you’re not talking about sex. Every woman in my orbit either doesn’t know my real name or knows how many zeros are in my bank account. Nothing about my relations with women is healthy or even intimate.”
“Well, I guess we’re just two fucked up peas born of pods on opposite sides of the track.”
“We could help each other, you know.”
“Please don’t suggest a hooker.”
“Our goals and expectations for each other are clear, thus, we have no reason to mistrust each other. You say you want a man invading your space, let me be the man.”
Her brow furrows like I’m trying to teach her some complex math equation.
“I’m not suggesting sex,” I assure her. “Just intimacy. Press your skin against mine. Relax. Share our warmth.”
The look of fear in her eyes is unmistakable.
“Either that or I’ll pay for your therapy so you can get over whatever PTSD you have.”
“No—absolutely not.”
“Then you stay as you are and become a self-fulfilling prophecy.”
Tears well in her big, doe eyes, and I instantly regret my words. I close the distance between us and take her body into my arms. Initially, she’s stiff and resistant, and I almost back away, but then she seems to melt, burying her face into my chest.
“I don’t want to be like this. So hateful and full of bitterness.”
“Then…let’s help each other.” I lay down on the bed, stretching my body out, inviting her to curl up against me.
A flicker of eagerness flashes in her eyes. I don’t know if it’s for me or just the desire to be close to someone, so she can feel her skin pressed against another’s.
But then I see the hesitation.
The desire I feel for Ari pales every want I’ve had for another woman. I love her complexities and crave learning her intricacies. She’s better than all those who have come before. But what am I to her?
As desperate as I am to pull her down and cradle her in my arms, she has to want it, which is why the hesitation in her eyes is torture.
She swallows hard as she looks down at me. “You’re going to think I’m weird—no, you already do.”
“I think you’re interesting, which is very different from weird,” I assure her.
“Why?” she asks suspiciously. “I’m not stupid enough to think you’re incapable of finding a woman to cuddle with.”
“I may have been born into a family of tech juggernauts, but believe it or not, I have other ambitions for my life. I’ve always fancied myself as one of those cuddlers. You know, the ones they pay to lay there and cuddle you.”
“I’m serious. My guess is you have plenty of options for bedmates, so why this?”
The last thing I want is to freak her out and tell her that the more time I spend with her, the less I want to see her go, so I settle for something close to the truth.
“We both have issues, Ari. Not just you. Besides, I hope to restore the reputation of good men everywhere.”
She bites her lower lip as she mulls over my words, making her look irresistible, and I begin to wonder if this was a very bad idea. Then she pulls her sweatshirt upward and off her body, so she’s sitting in a thin, cotton tank top, which fits her perfectly and leaves very little to the imagination.
