Page 56 of Savage Temptation
And yes, that is exactly what this is. That dirty four-letter word that turns men into fools.
For once, everything feels right in the world. My heart is light and the many stressors I have seem few. And it’s all because of the one woman I should stay the hell away from.
There’s a feeling of content welling in me. It’s foreign and unusual and something that seems like it’s meant for someone else. Someone who can appreciate it. I want so desperately for that person to be me, and before I can truly think on it, I drop a bomb so big, there’s no coming back from it.
Because the moment after I come, the very second when my head clears, I utter the words, “I love you.”
CHAPTER16
TESSA
Sometimes, life throws you a curveball you don’t know how to deal with.
Six months ago, that came in the form of losing my virginity to my childhood crush and my subsequent exile from his life.
The pain was lasting, leaving me hollow. Unable to fill a void that seemed to swallow me whole.
Then there was the whole foreign jail debacle, which brought Atticus back into my life in a ‘friends with benefits’ arrangement. But it came with a cost.
I should have scrutinized further and realized that I couldn’t handle it. That thirty days is not enough. That it would eventually destroy me.
Now, that seems trivial, because the torture that was inflicted upon me when just three little words were uttered straight after Atticus Savage shot his load inside me was far greater than I could have foreseen.
I love you.
They were the three words I wanted to hear most in this world, said with rushed urgency. Did he mean them? I’m sure he did, but I’m not exactly sure what they mean.
Context is always important.
We’ve been in each other’s lives for over a decade. That’s a lot of shared memories. He’s also best friends with my older brother, and often took on the role himself, to my consternation.
Shocked, I said nothing in response, and my silence didn’t seem to deter him. We had sex three more times after that, but the words never again tumbled through his lips, and I’m not sure how I should read the situation.
Early in the morning, without any sleep, we packed and returned to his private jet, where I slept almost the entire trip back to the states.
Atticus never once acknowledged those forbidden words, probably because they were an accident.
If only I was braver, then I wouldn’t be worrying so much. I’d know exactly how he felt, and I’d have to learn to live with that knowledge.
Being stuck in limbo is the worst.
Now, he’s off doing inventor CEO things as I sit in my apartment, analyzing every moment leading up to his confession.
And trust me, with my line of work, I’m playing to my strengths.
He was a beast, sating me in ways I didn’t know I wanted. Making me feel sinfully good by showing me a side of himself he’d kept hidden.
Then, as I lay pressed to the table, he said,‘I love you.’
Perhaps he had me confused with a woman he had loved that played those power games with him. But that doesn’t seem likely. His game was more for show, not that it lacked pleasure. I suppose it could have been said for roleplay, but I don’t think he’d be so careless. Especially with his best friend’s forbidden sister.
The more I mull over the details, the boring and salacious, the greater my clarity, and after hours of anguished‘what if’scenarios, I’ve come to the most likely conclusion: Atticus really does have feelings for me.
And that’s terrifying.
Is it love? It’s definitely possible. I love him, the good, the bad, all the ugly moments in between. Even when he was terrible to me, excommunicating me from his world, there was love, and that’s what made it so hard.
It’s also what makes it so believable that he loves me. The problem is that love can be tricky. Even though you love someone, and they love you back, it doesn’t guarantee a happy ending. Some people are meant to be alone, and others are only good in short relationships, moving quickly from one love interest to the next. They’re capable of love, just not commitment.
