Page 50 of Sugar Rush
He laughed, pulling his laptop over from the corner of the bed. “But I did get some work done! Honest,” he added, wiggling his finger over the trackpad to wake up the screen.
Peering at it, I tilted my head. “Supply, demand, and market equilibrium. Fascinating.”
“Hey,” he chided. “Microeconomics is really interesting once you start to understand it.”
“Yeah, I’ll pass.” I stood up, stretching a little. He blinked, gazing up at me. He looked way too good like that, totally relaxed and comfortable, stretched out on his stomach. His t-shirt was tight, clinging to his tiny waist, and bunched up a little, showing a small strip of his smooth back. Those dumb shorts he loved wearing barely covered anything, so his thighs were basically on full display, perfectly lean, leading up to his immaculately toned ass. It was like he’d taken up track just to torture me.
“You’re not checking me out, are you?” He wondered, smirking.
Biting down on my tongue, I shifted my gaze to the ceiling. “Are you ready to go or not?” We might have been in the middle of this bizarre little experiment, but I wasn’t going to feed the little goblin’s ego. Not on purpose, anyway.
“You want to go right away?” He asked, rolling over and sitting up. “We don’t have to. They don’t close until 9:00.”
“Well, there’s no point in sitting around. We can get some food after or something.”
“Okay!” He agreed instantly, hopping up. As always, he was way too excited to spend time with me. I couldn’t imagine being so happy about having to hang out with someone like me.
As we loaded into the truck, Jordy glanced over at me kind of hesitantly, immediately putting me on alert. “You sure you don’t want to relax a little bit before you head back out?”
“I’m good,” I reassured him, tapping my fingers on the steering wheel. Suddenly worried, I looked him over intently, searching for signs of discomfort or anxiety. “Did you… change your mind? Do you want to think about it some more?”
“No!” He said quickly, shaking his head. “I already thought about it a lot. I don’t want to, like, deprive myself of something I really love just because I’m not sure how it’ll go, or whatever. I’d rather just do it and see what happens.”
His words hit me like a battering ram, my fingers freezing on the key I’d just jammed into the ignition. Clearing my throat, I slowly turned to face him, unsure of exactly how I felt.
That was what I should have been doing. Depriving myself. Because if I really cared about him, then I’d want to shield him from someone like me. No matter how much I cared about him, I knew there was something in me I couldn’t control. I could feel it all the time, pounding against the cage inside me, clawing to get out and get to him.
I knew my dad had loved my mom, in his own selfish, cruel way. I’d seen it sometimes, on the rare occasion when they hadn’t been fighting. But that hadn’t stopped him from hurting her. All the time. If she hadn’t gotten away from him, who knows what would have eventually happened?
“Kieran, that wasn’t a dig at you or anything,” he finally voiced, his eyebrows furrowed together in concern. Concern for me. It was like no matter how many times I snapped or lost my temper with him, he wouldn’t lose faith in me. It was like he was waiting for something. Probably something I couldn’t, and would never be able to give him.
But yet here we were, despite all my efforts, sitting in the truck he’d sucked my cock in only a few hours earlier. And he hadn’t exuded an ounce of shame or regret about any of that. It was like he knew something about me that I didn’t. Or maybe hewas just too naive to figure out that part of me that I was trying to shield him from.
“No, I know,” I said. “Sorry. I was just thinking.”
“I thought I told you to stop doing that,” he said, poking out his bottom lip and giving me eyes that suggested he was mortally wounded that I’d dared to go against his wishes. Much more effective than a lecture.
“It’s kind of a hard habit to break. I’ve been doing it for 21 years.”
“Sometimes I think you might be doing it wrong,” he commented with a dramatic sigh. When I didn’t say anything, he chucked a little, leaning over to wrap his arms around me in a side hug. “You know I’m joking, right?”
“I know,” I said quickly. “Sorry for being weird.”
“You’re not,” he assured me. “I mean, you are, but the normal amount of weird for you, I think.”
“Great. Just the normal amount.” If only he really knew.
He giggled, flopping back over to his seat so I could rev up the engine and actually pull out. “I like your weirdness. You know that.”
“… Yeah. I know.”
The drive was short and sweet. I let more of his annoying pop music play on the way.
“I bought the tickets online,” I said, as I navigated the parking garage to find us a spot.
“You want me to pay you back?” He asked automatically.
He was always asking me that about everything, even if it was just a soda from the gas station. I wasn’t exactly sure why, since I’d never made him pay me back for anything I’d ever gotten him.
