Page 111 of Sugar Rush
Once the chaos died down a bit, they invited us to explain what had been going on, and how we’d ended up at the point we’d gotten to. It was akin to torture, trying to explain how things had started between us, and how we’d never meant to go behind their backs, but everything between us had just been… inevitable. I didn’t know if they would understand, but I triedmy best to be transparent, relieved when Jordy took the reins for most of the conversation.
After we’d spilled our guts long enough to end up at the events of the day with Andrew, repeating the stuff with the party and the texts and the auction for Mom’s sake, Chester inhaled and let out a deep sigh.
“I’m glad that everything worked out and that you two were there for each other, but… I wish you would have come to me,” he said, shaking his head a little to demonstrate his displeasure. “This is something your mom and I could have helped you with.”
Clearing my throat, I glanced over at Jordy, who looked as guilty as I felt.
“Is this how we’re going to do things now?” He wondered. “Just you and Kieran against the world? I don’t get to be in the know about what’s going on in your lives?”
“No!” Jordy denied. “No, it… It seriously wasn’t like that,” he swore. “We just… I mean, we didn’t think it was going to get that serious. Right, Kieran?” He added, shifting his gaze to me. He wanted backup. I couldn’t even remember why we hadn’t told anyone. I’d probably wanted to handle it myself, out of some twisted sense of ego and pride for Jordy’s wellbeing. So maybe Chester had a point. But I wouldn’t concede that when Jordy was expecting me to back him up.
“I… Um… We didn’t mean it like that,” I repeated. Grammar and vocabulary seemed to have left me around the time we’d emerged from the supply closet and I still hadn’t exactly gotten it back.
Chester stared at me for a few moments before rising to his feet and gesturing for me to follow him as he made his way toward the patio door.
“Kieran, can we talk? In private?” He asked, sliding open the door and stepping outside before closing it behind him.
Resisting the urge to grimace, I rose to my feet so I could follow him.
I glanced over at Jordy, who gave me what he probably thought was an encouraging expression, like he was trying to tell me everything would be okay. All bundled up in blankets and pillows, still looking just a bit sleepy, he was so cute I almost couldn’t stop myself from believing him. Maybe that was part of our bond, too. He’d always been the one person who could pull me out of my darkest thoughts.
“It’s going to be okay, honey,” my mom assured me, giving my hand a little squeeze as I walked by. “No one’s upset. I’m happy for you both,” she added. “And we love you.”
Whether byweshe meant she and Chester or she and Jordy, I wasn’t sure, but I supposed I was about to find out.
Stepping out onto the patio deck, the briskness of the air surprised me. It was starting to get a lot colder in the evenings. Summer was fading into fall, and Jordy would be gone soon. To my surprise, the thought didn’t cramp up my guts with worry like it usually did. I was sad about it, and I’d miss him, but there was no fear or apprehension about losing him anymore.
Making my way across the patio, I came up next to Chester and mirrored his pose, setting my elbows on the deck railing to look out across our little yard, with its HOA-approved weed-free emerald grass.
Neither of us said anything for a bit, until finally I couldn’t stand the tension and looked over at him. He was staring at me with that kind, patient expression I’d come to know very early on from him.
I suddenly remembered being in tenth grade, when he’d only been engaged to my mom, and having him show up at some lame little fundraiser art show the school had organized using art submitted by the students. At the insistence of my teacher, I’d very reluctantly provided a couple of pieces. Two that I hadconsidered morenormie, landscapes of a flowery meadow and a snowy mountain. The third had been kind of weird and dark and out there, a bio-mechanical depiction of Medusa turning people to stone with her laser eyes.
Not only had he turned up to support me, when he really hadn’t had any obligation to, but he’d openly and loudly praised my work to anyone that got close enough to hear his voice. And he’d liked the weird one, when everyone else had only complimented the landscapes.
“I like this one,” he’d said, genuine affection for me evident in his voice, “Because it reminds me of you. You should keep drawing this kind of stuff, because that’s who you are.”
I’d never had a man show up for me like that, let alone tell me it was okay to be me, even if I was a try-hard, edgy little weirdo. And he’d never really dropped that supportive attitude toward me. Even if he didn’t exactly get the whole tattoo and crazy art thing, he always wanted to see what I was working on and always said nice things about it.
The painful little hitch in my chest I’d felt since he’d run up to us in the youth center snapped, and I found myself vomiting up all the worries and concerns I’d had since the beginning about seeing Jordy behind his back and how I’d never meant to betray his trust.
I went on and on about how I’d just hated seeing him around other guys and how much I’d worried about what would happen to him, and how everything had spiraled and escalated between us until I’d ended up realizing how in love with him I was and how I couldn’t ignore it anymore. By the time I’d gotten every stupid, insecure thought and every pathetic apology out, my breath was heaving out and I felt kind of sick, but I still couldn’t stop babbling and saying that I was sorry.
“Kieran,” he interrupted me gently, placing a warm hand on one of my shoulder blades. “It’s alright. I’m not upset with you, and you don’t have to be sorry about anything.”
“No,” I argued, hanging my head. It couldn’t be that easy. “I… I went behind your back, and…”
“Kieran,” he repeated, this time a note of slightly amused exasperation in the word. “Do you think I don’t know what Jordy is like when he sets his mind on something?”
Swallowing hard, I shifted my gaze up from the stained wood rail to his face. He was grinning, in a weary sort of perturbed way, but it was still a grin.
“I know I’m a beta, so you must think I don’t understand any of this, but when Jordy presented as an omega… I made sure to learn everything I could about these things, so I wouldn’t feel so lost bringing him up. I know it’s not something you could help.”
“It’s not,” I agreed quietly, only because admitting out loud that the biological urge to fuck and bite his son had been beyond my capability to resist, felt vulgar and embarrassing. “And… And I know you probably imagined him with someone different but I swear I’m going to take care of him and make sure he has everything he needs all the time. I’m… I’m going to work harder and make sure I get to a point that I can provide for him. Well, I mean, not that he really needs me to, but… I won’t be a burden on him or anything like that. Really.”
He waited patiently for me to finish before giving me a slow nod, pursing his lips in a thoughtful way.
“Can I tell you a story?” He asked, and I felt my brows furrow together.
