Page 32 of Sugar Rush
It was already starting to get dark as I walked home, the sun sinking down into the horizon to leave cool dusk. Shoving my hands in the pocket of my hoodie, I made my way down the quiet street. I remembered how sketchy and dangerous walking around by myself had been in the places I’d lived as a kid. But nothing ever happened here. The most threatening presence in our neighborhood was the crotchety old lady who complained when anyone put their garbage cans out too early in the week.
Chester and my mom had bought this place right after getting married because they’d wanted somewhere that wastheirs, a fresh start. I sometimes thought maybe it was also because Chester didn’t want Jordy thinking about his dead mom too much. But I knew the place they’d lived before had been similar. A safe, quiet neighborhood, full of well-to-do peoplewith tidy little lives. Jordy’s life hadn’t been perfect obviously, he’d experienced worse things than a lot of people, but he’d never understand where I’d come from, and what I’d endured. I didn’t want him to understand. But maybe if he did, he wouldn’t be so obsessed with me. Maybe he’d start to realize why us being together was a terrible idea and wasn’t ever going to happen.
Even though I’d spaced out through the whole walk home, muscle memory carried me to our front door. When I went inside, I saw my mom and Chester cuddled up on the couch together, watching some nature documentary on the TV. I raised my hand in a greeting, sailing past them into the kitchen, where Jordy was seated at the table. He wasn’t eating or anything. Had he just been waiting for me to get home?
When he glanced up at me from his phone, the bright blue tone of his eyes hit me like a tangible force, igniting the memory of his perfect body squirming and writhing under me. That was happening way too frequently now. I could barely look at him without thinking about his naked body. I could barely talk to him without remembering how his moans sounded when he’d come from my fingers in him. If he felt the same way, he didn’t make it obvious.
“Hi, Kieran,” he greeted me innocently. He was so good at that. Just being normal and not overthinking everything and making it awkward and miserable. “How was work?”
“Fine.” My mom had already texted me that she’d made pasta for dinner, so I scooped out some of that from the tupperware in the fridge and put it in the microwave. “How was your day?”
I hated how careful I felt I had to be now. Even despite the fact that I’d been attracted to him for so long, my relationship with Jordy had always been easy. I’d started to realize that part of that was because some part of my brain had been absolutely certain that nothing would ever actually happen between us andhe’d never know how I felt about him. All of that safety and security and ease had crumbled once I’d drunkenly exposed too much of myself. And there was no way to take it back. Would I just always feel awkward and unsure with him now, like I was walking on eggshells with every conversation?
“It was good. I just hung out with Dani. We went and bought some, like, furniture and cute stuff for the dorm.”
The fact that he was going to be rooming with Dani gave me a relief that I knew I wasn’t allowed to feel. But there was no stopping it. If he’d ended up with some random alpha roommate, I might have burned down the school. Still, I didn’t want him to know how deeply the news had affected me.
“That’s good,” I said casually, like I’d barely even processed his words.
He eyed me carefully, and I watched the corner of his lips perk up into an annoyingly smug little grin.
“Mhm.”
“What?” I snapped, without meaning to. I could just already tell the conversation was getting ready to veer in a direction that would end up aggravating me or turning me on. Usually both.
“Nothing,” he said quickly. “Just thinking.”
“About?” I knew he was baiting me into something, but I couldn’t stop myself from asking.
“College.”
“Oh.” If that was all, then I wasn’t too worried. Not that I had much experience with it. I’d done a year of community college before ultimately deciding to devote myself full time to tattooing. The art classes I’d taken had been alright, and I’d learned some stuff when I hadn’t been falling asleep from working all the time on top of it. No dorms, no wild parties, no random hookups. Okay, maybe I was slightly worried. “What about it?”
He shrugged, blinking his long eyelashes at me. “I don’t know. I’m just not sure what to expect.”
“Are you nervous?”
“No,” he answered, before pushing out his lips a little like he was in thought. “I’m excited, I think.”
“Excited for what?”
“Um, I don’t know. Meeting people and stuff.”
“Forget aboutmeeting people,” I said, frowning. “You’re there to study and learn.”
He snorted out a laugh, giving me an odd look. “Did you forget who you’re talking to?” He wondered, probably pointing out the irony of a screw-up like me pseudo-lecturing the damn valedictorian about studying.
I didn’t know why the hell I’d even said anything. Except I did know, and it was because I hated the idea of him meeting guys at college. Not only because I knew exactly what they would want from him, but because they’d be a better partner for him than I ever could be. It was like my brain couldn’t decide whether I wanted him to move on from me and get with someone that could actually make him happy, or if I wanted him to be chained to me forever, miserable or not.
“I’m just saying,” I grumbled, because I didn’t have much of a defense. “Don’t act like some crazy party boy and get yourself into trouble just because you’re out of the house.”
Staring directly into my eyes, I watched as he leaned back into the chair, giving me one ofthoselooks again.
“Or what?” He wondered, tilting his head. When I didn’t answer, he went on. “What exactly are you going to do about it?”
Dropping my weight into the chair across from him, setting my bowl onto the table with a loud smack, I growled. “Don’t test my patience, Jordy. I’m not in the fucking mood.”
“I’m not,” he denied calmly, despite the fact that he’d already worked me up into a stressed out frenzy. “I’m just saying, it’s your fault if I end up hooking up with random alphas at college.”
