Page 58 of Sugar Rush
“I’m so sorry.”
Inhaling deeply before letting out a long sigh, I glanced back up into the trees. He could be so predictable sometimes. It could be comforting, but also so damn irritating.
It was funny. I’d just lost my virginity in the middle of the woods, on a pile of dirt and leaves and an old hoodie. I should have been upset, in awe, excited, orsomething. But a new kind of calmness and serenity had overtaken me since I’d realized that Kieran was my fated mate. Maybe because all those questions and doubts and uncertainties that had been plaguing me for so long were gone, my brain could finally take a rest for a while. Even if I wasn’t exactly sure what was going to happen in the immediate future.
“You don’t have anything to apologize for,” I told him. “I told you to keep going. Remember?”
“Yeah, but…” He trailed off. When I carefully wobbled up to my feet, the light ache ramped up a bit, causing me to stumble. He was on his feet instantly, gripping me around the waist to hold me steady. “Hey. Be careful.”
“I just want to rinse off a little bit,” I said, trying to ignore the fact that staring up into his concerned expression was making me swoon.
“Can you walk?”
“Yeah. I’m fine,” I said, immediately contradicting my assertion by letting out an involuntary little whimper with my first step. I opened my mouth to let him know it wasn’t that bad,but before I could, my feet were being lifted off the ground, his arm scooping under the back of my knees. “Kieran!”
“Forget it,” he snapped, but there wasn’t much heat in his voice. “Just be quiet for once, and let me help you.”
“Does this mean you aren’t mad at me anymore?” I asked after a few moments, relaxing in his grasp and circling my arms around his shoulders.
“I was never mad at you,” he grumbled, staring straight ahead into the dark ocean waves. The gentle rocking motion of his steps was soothing.
“You were mad at something,” I pointed out, despite hisjust be quiet for oncerequest.
“I was just…” He hesitated, like he always did before we talked about something serious. “Christ!” He hissed, as he stepped into the water up to his ankles. “It’s fucking freezing.”
“You were just?”
“I was just mad at the situation, okay?” His voice had that note of brooding anger in it, like it usually did, but it was unusually gentle. I was sure that had to do with him feeling guilty for what had happened. “Do we have to talk about this now?”
“No,” I answered. His expression became more and more miserable the further he carted us out into the water, the water sloshing around his thighs now. Thank god for the empty beach, or we’d both be getting slapped with an indecent exposure charge. “You could just kiss me instead.”
“You still want me to kiss you, after what I just did to you?” He asked, and the note of anguish that I was starting to become really familiar with rang loud and clear. Would it get better after he eventually realized that we were mates, and that he had nothing to feel guilty over? Then again, how long would it even take for him to realize it on his own? I wouldn’t bash him overthe head with it just yet, but I wasn’t waiting around forever either.
“Has it maybe occurred to you that I liked what we just did? And that I’m not upset?”
“You should be.”
“Are you upset?” I questioned, before letting out a yipe like a dog when the cold water lapped at my ass. Squirming, I ignored his pointedI told you solook and refrained from commenting on the glacial temperatures.
“Of course I’m upset, Jordy.” I knew how bad it was when he couldn’t meet my eyes as he spoke. “I didn’t mean for it to happen like that. That wasn’t right, okay?”
I felt my eyebrows furrow together as I processed his answer. There was an angle I hadn’t really considered it from.
“You mean it wasn’t right because… I didn’t do it right?” I asked, the heat of embarrassment washing over my skin, despite the chilly water. I should have thought of that. It wasn’t like I’d ever done it before, so it wasn’t exactly out of the question that it hadn’t been that great for him. I’d assumed he’d enjoyed it because of how amazing it had been for me, but…
“That’swhat you’re worried about?” He asked, scoffing as the water rose up to the point where he could gently lap it over my chest and belly. “You think it wasn’t good forme?”
“Well… Was it?”
Exhaling a long, deep breath, he looked up at the sky. “Yes.”
“Really good?” I prompted, biting down into my lower lip. I wasn’t asking for porno levels of praise, but anything would have been nice.
Lowering his gaze back down to me, he gave me a wry look. “Really good.”
“The best?”
“I’m going to drown you,” he warned me, causing me to scramble up and clutch his neck more tightly.
