Page 98 of Sugar Rush
I sighed dramatically, dropping my head on his shoulder. He shifted a little, pulling my body more firmly to his chest, his arms wrapping tightly around me.
“Fine. I guess if you like being my chauffeur and hauling me around all the time.”
“It’s all I’ve ever wanted,” he deadpanned, his words muffled against the top of my head where he’d pressed his lips. He’d tried injecting sarcasm into the words, but I wondered how sarcastic he was really being.
“Can we just, like, grab some food and park somewhere quiet and lay in the back of the truck?” I wondered. He kept a giant comforter rolled up behind his seat, which we’d utilized many times when he’d taken me to see movies at the drive-in theater.
I thought about all the times I’d been sitting or laying next to him while a movie played on the giant projector in front of us, wishing I could stop staring at him through my peripherals. Wishing I could reach out and thread my fingers through his, or snuggle into his side and lay my head on his chest but knowing I would never get to do that. And now he had me bundled against him, kissing my temple and stroking his fingers over me like I was his most treasured possession.
“Yeah. Do you have your insulin?” He questioned, and for some reason the fact that he even thought about that stuff when it wasn’t his responsibility gave me all the fluttery butterflies in my stomach again. Like I was always on his mind, even the small parts of me that he didn’t need to worry about. Like making sure I was happy and healthy and taken care of was an ingrained need for him. And I guess if the stuff they said about mates was true, then it probably was. At least a little.
“Of course,” I said, pulling the little zip-up travel cooler I kept my insulin pen in, out of my pocket to show him. “Gotta shoot up before I eat.”
“You know Chester hates it when you call it that,” he remarked, raising an eyebrow. But he still had that deliciously sexy smirk on his face, which meant he wasn’t thinking all those dark thoughts anymore. He was only thinking about me, which is how it should have been.
“Yeah, I know.”
CLUTCHING THE FOODbags in my hand, I watched Kieran spread the blanket over the bed floor of the truck. He grabbed the bags from me, and then helped pull me up over the tailgate.
We’d parked in the corner of the lot of a small park with a reservoir. There were still a few people lingering around, but because it was getting later in the evening, it was mostly quiet.
I’d realized on the ride over that I’d taken off my fancy little suit jacket at the center once I’d been ushered off the stage, because I’d felt like I was overheating from all the lights and all the attention, and I’d forgotten to grab it on the way out. There was no way in hell we were going back for it now, the risk of running into Andrew was too big. I’d figure out some other way to get it before my dad could notice it was gone.
Shoulder to shoulder, Kieran and I sat against the back of the cab. With my legs crossed, I sighed, breathing in the clean air. The transition from summer to fall always felt strange for me. I’d never dreaded going back to school, but a new year meant I’d gotten older and should have some maturity or growth to show for it. I was never exactly sure if I had that or not.
This time was different. So much had changed in such a short time, and that nagging feeling that I’d always tried to ignore, the fact that I was hopelessly in love with a guy I couldn’t have, was gone. Things wouldn’t be perfect and breezy, I knew that. At least not for a little while. But I’d never felt happier or more secure with the direction of my life.
“Thinking a little too hard over there,” Kieran finally commented.
To my surprise, I’d been spacing out so hard and for so long that we’d both finished eating and the sky was just barely starting to darken. But being in his presence was sometimes like that for me, where I didn’t feel like I needed to look perfect or always say the right thing so everyone would perceive me a certain way.
“Ah, sorry,” I said, gathering up my trash and shoving it back into the bag before leaning on him, resting my head on his shoulder. “Just spacing out, I guess.”
“I get it,” he answered. “There’s… a lot going on.”
“You mean because we’re speeding toward the most inevitably awkward conversation in recorded history where we freak our parents out by announcing we’re dating?”
He snorted, tilting his head back to rest on the back window of the truck for a second. “Yeah. That’s part of it.”
“What’s the other part?” I wondered, snuggling more tightly against him when he lifted his arm to wrap around me.
He was quiet for a few moments, and I knew he was deciding whether or not he wanted to talk about it. Patiently and hopefully to ease his concerns, I nuzzled my face into his skin, wrapping my arms around his hard torso and squeezing.
“Did Mom tell you about the thing that happened that night?” He finally asked.
“I asked, so don’t get upset with her.”
He exhaled hard, and I watched him furrow his brows together, his eyes flickering with unhappiness.
“It’s okay,” I murmured. “You don’t have to worry about how I feel.”
Scoffing, he shook his head. “That’s the main thing I worry about.”
“You already know how I feel,” I reminded him. “Have I not made myself clear?” I added in a light tone.
“It doesn’t… bother you?” He asked, his hand coming up from his lap to cup under my chin so I couldn’t look away. Sometimes when he stared into my eyes like that, his gaze felt like a physical entity that wanted to crawl inside me and live there forever.
“Why would it?” I asked, but then really, I knew why. I’d started to understand the minute she’d told me. But if he didn’t say it, then it would never go away. And I’d never wanted to be rid of something so badly in my entire life.
