Page 104 of Not In The Contract
And maybe I was hiding from Taylor.
“You of all people should have enough of a grip on your schedule, Alex,” Taylor continued, oblivious to the simmering rage in my chest. “I thought you’d put this to rest already.”
“It’s a little more complicated than that,” I snapped, pain lancing through my eyeballs. “I can’t just ignore my sister.”
“And what about Devon?” Taylor asked. “She’s counting on you for her thesis. Have you been making time for her?”
Nausea roiled in my gut because no… No, I hadn’t.
I’d seen the disappointment in Devon’s eyes that night she’d come home so late and Jamie had interrupted. But I couldn’t do anything about it.
“I didn’t think so,” Taylor muttered, taking Jamie’s vacant seat. She crossed one leg over the other. “How long has Jamie been hanging around again? Did she run out of money or something?”
“Fuck you.”
“Don’t be petty,” Taylor deadpanned. “I can see this is eating you alive, so spit it out, would you? Did something happen between Jamie and Devon?”
I sighed but refused to open my eyes. I deservedsomesmall reprieve from the shit my reality kept flinging my way.
“Nothing happened between them,” I said. “But Jamie has been making it difficult to spare any time for Devon. It feels like she’s right there every single time I turn around to talk to Devon.”
“And why do you think that is, hm?” Taylor pushed.
“Because she wants me to spend time with her only, Taylor,” I huffed. “I’m not fucking stupid. Just tired.”
“Apparently not tired enough to put an end to this crap.”
“I’m tired enough that I want to stop thinking for an hour,” I said petulantly.
“Too bad, you’re going to hash this out,” Taylor insisted.
My head ached and I could’ve honestly burst into tears at that very moment but I swallowed the sudden and bitter rush of helplessness. “Hash what out?” I muttered. “It’s the same conversation every time.”
“Except this time, it’s not,'' Taylor corrected. “This time, you’re hiding the fact that Jamie is actively interfering in what could be a beautiful relationship for you. You’re hiding it from us, and you’re hiding from it yourself.”
“You do realize that I get enough of this shit when the girls find out, right?” I reminded her. “Whether or not the conversation is different, it’s still Jamie.That’sthe part that matters. The part that doesn’t change.”
“What about Devon?”
“WhataboutDevon?” I asked, defeated and so, so drained.
“She matters,” Taylor said cryptically.
“Please, don’t be obtuse with me right now,” I begged. “You could drive a bus over me and it’d hurt less.”
“Devon could be someone who matters to you, too,” Taylor said. “Something that doesn’t change. Why don’t you see that?”
“I do see it,” I admitted quietly, my throat tight. “Don’t you get it? That’s why this whole situation is fucked. Because I do care about her, but Jamie will always come first. Devon deserves so much better than that.”
Taylor clicked her tongue and got to her feet, storming out and leaving me alone with my excruciating thoughts. She was unhappy and I couldn’t blame her. I knew exactly what she had been trying to say, but I couldn’t allow myself time to entertain the thought.
I knew Jamie was a handful, and that she always would be. I’d accepted that I’d likely never have a serious relationship because of it. I’d resigned myself to trying to make up for all the time Jamie and I had lost to the system. And even with all the wealth I’d accumulated, all the money…
I’d never imagined the price would be quite so steep.
Devon’s thumbs tapped out a long text on her phone, her fingers moving furiously across the screen. She sat beside me in the car, her head ducked, her long hair creating a wall between us.
Awkward.
