Page 144 of Not In The Contract
“For starters, you’d probably be pacing a lot more and driving your poor neighbors nuts,” she teased. “But seriously, Dev, take a breath. You’ve put in the work, you’re prepared, and you’ve got an army of cheerleaders behind you.”
I chuckled, a sense of reassurance settling over me. “An army of one singular cheerleader, you mean.”
Tam’s laughter echoed through the phone. “Quality over quantity, my friend. And I’ve got the spirit, yes I do.”
She jumped up from her couch and started going through a series of cheerleader moves, using two scatter cushions as makeshift pom-poms.
This time a genuine laugh burst out of me, melting away even more of my anxiety. “You’re insane, but I love you. Thanks, Tam. I needed this.”
“Any time, Dev.” She flopped back down on the couch, out of breath. “And remember, if Paula tries to intimidate you with her intellectual prowess, just imagine her in bunny slippers. It works wonders.”
“I’ll keep that in mind, Tam. Thanks.” I laughed.
We ended the call on that ringing note and there was a clear shift in my rattling nerves. I was capable, I was prepared. Still, my insides were a flutter of apprehension. But I pushed it aside, arming myself with Tam’s unwavering belief in me as I headed out the door.
I sat across from Paula, my heart racing with equal amounts of excited anticipation and anxiety. The draft of my thesis lay on the desk between us, the culmination of months of research and hard work.
Her eyes scanned the last pages and I held my breath, waiting for the verdict. I couldn’t believe that the time was here. When I’d first set out on this journey I had no idea the pathway would bring me so much more than accreditation. My mind reached back to just a few hours ago when I’d woken up in Alex’s arms. We were wrapped up in each other—had passed out that way and stayed that way all night.
Picking my research topic and deciding to shadow a stranger had led me to finding the love of my life. The notion inevitably made me curious about everything else on the horizon now that I knew first hand the impact a seemingly small choice could have.
After what felt like an eternity, Paula looked up, a warm smile on her face. “Devon, I have to say, this is an exceptional piece of work.” She leaned back in her chair and folded her hands on her middle. “I know I’ve told you before, but this is one of the most thorough examples of research I’ve seen.”
My heart rate picked up and my mouth felt dry. “Thank you, Paula,” I mumbled, finding it hard to work my sandpaper tongue.
She picked up on my distress and chuckled softly as she topped up my glass of water.
“Your arguments are well-structured, and your insights are thought-provoking,” she said, pushing the glass across the desk to me.
A surge of relief washed over me, and I grinned widely. “That means a lot, thank you. This thesis has a special place in my heart, not just because of the effort I put into it.”
She nodded her understanding, her gaze warm and approving. “It definitely shows. I’m impressed by your dedication and the level of analysis you’ve provided.”
I wanted to interject and tell her that my time shadowing Alex Bell was what lent a new level of insight to my thesis. But I kept the thought to myself, happy to have it be just mine.
“Your commitment to your studies, but also the topic it covers, is beautifully reflected,” Paula added.
“Good, that’s a weight off my shoulders,” I replied. “It’s always been important to have that come across.”
As I started gathering my things Paula raised a hand, stopping me from leaving.
“Devon, before you go, may I ask you something?”
I hovered halfway between sitting and standing, trying to discern the curious expression on her face. I couldn’t, so promptly sat back down again.
“Is something wrong?” I ventured, sweaty palms marking the uptick in my nerves.
She studied me for a moment, a flurry of thoughts breezing behind her eyes. “Have you given any thought to your career path after graduation?”
My heart sank, all the way down to the twisting knot in my stomach. Of course I’d given it thought. I’d been doing nothing but thinking since I started. But there was so much uncertainty about what I’d eventually do once I finished my studies. I didn’t want to make the wrong choice.
Paula’s question hung in the air and I couldn’t stave off the trepidation that was taking me over. The time to make that decision was closer than ever, and I wouldn’t be able to um and ah my way for much longer.
I hesitated, my mind racing as I considered the slew of possibilities. “I’ve been thinking about it, but I’m not entirely sure yet.”
The lack of confidence was clear in my voice, and she picked up on it.
“It’s just that there are so many options.” I felt myself launching into a spiral, but knew there was no stopping it. “I mean, it’ll most likely have something to do with children.”
