Page 123 of Not In The Contract
We were living past each other, offering a nod of acknowledgment if we crossed paths in the hallway, making sure there was enough coffee in the pot for two cups even if we were alone in the kitchen, that sort of thing. But as quickly as I adapted to expertly avoiding the woman in her own home, there was no getting used to the empty guest bed.
“She still hasn’t said anything.” I closed my laptop and plucked my phone from the bedside table instead. “She’s had all the time to pull me aside and be honest about how she feels, but-”
“Maybe she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings.” Tam popped back onto the screen, fresh bowl of popcorn in hand.
I’d only brought it up so Tam could jump in and tell me I was being crazy, assuming the worst, or whatever else that could cheer me up. I wasn’t expecting her to agree with me. It was enough having to deal with the doubts taking root in my mind. The last thing I needed was to hear them spoken out loud, especially by someone whose opinion I valued more than my own.
“You think so?” I ventured, already wishing I hadn’t said anything. “Do you think I’m right?”
The look on her face spoke volumes, but Tam was never one to let silence have the last word.
“It doesn’t matter what I think, does it?” She answered my question with another question.
Just the thing that was missing from my already chaotic swirling thoughts.
“If Alex has feelings for me she would’ve said so. That’s all I’m saying.” I looked away, contemplating whether it was better to keep hiding behind my laptop screen instead.
Tam’s gaze burned into the side of my face, making it impossible to avert my eyes for too long. When I glanced back at my phone, I was convinced I’d lost connection. She was frozen in place, a mouth full of unchewed popcorn bulging her cheeks, staring at me.
“Tam? You there?” She blinked and then it was my turn to roll my eyes. “Don’t do that!”
“Sorry, but you’re making it hard for me to keep being sympathetic to your cause.” Her words were muffled and crunchy, and hard to swallow.
I knew what she was on about, of course. Alex wasn’t the type to go around spewing her feelings on a whim. Hell, she wouldn’t do it in a choke hold with a gun to her head. I hadn't known her for that long, but I was certain of that much.
“If you and your situation existed in a boardroom, then I’d agree with you,” Tam said, finally taking a break from eating. “From what Katya’s told me, that’s where you’ll find the Alex who’s commanding and decisive. In control. But this isn’t business, Devon.”
I sighed heavily, regretting the fact that I’d agreed to this call in the first place. I wasn’t in the mood for my friend’s uncanny ability to voice my thoughts out loud. Especially since now she had inside intel from dating Alex’s assistant.
“I hear you,” was how I placated her. “But she knows how I feel since I clearly explained it to her, yet she’s been tied up with Jamie pretty much all the time lately. We’ve barely spent two minutes alone together.”
“And we’ve spent hours going over and over this turn of events,” Tam deadpanned. “If nothing’s changing and it’s too much for you, then maybe you should think about peacing out.”
My heart skipped a beat and leapt into my throat. “You mean flake out on my research?”
But Tam shook her head and shoveled another handful of popcorn into her mouth. “I mean you have about a month left, your work is going really well, so maybe focus on that. Work.”
“That’s what I’ve been-”
“No, you’ve been living with Alex too.” Tam cut me off, frustration lacing her tone. “Don’t you think it’ll be better for you if you removed yourself from the thing that’s got you tied up in knots? You two aren’t speaking, barely seeing each other, and you have to watch Alex give all her time and attention to Jamie.”
I sat up straight on my bed, Tam’s reasoning finally sinking in. “If I’m not living here anymore, I won’t have to be confronted with all of this stuff that’s making it harder than it needs to be.”
“Winner, winner, chicken dinner.” Tam’s doorbell rang as punctuation to her sentence and a coy smile spread on her face. “That’s Katya. We’re doing a movie night. And you, my friend, are taking your power back. Okay?”
I couldn’t argue with Tam’s reasoning. Even Paula had commended my progress with my thesis so far, and it made total sense to double down on that. There was a way to salvage something good from this wreckage after all.
“Alex?” I tapped lightly on the doorframe before entering her bedroom.
She was strikingly beautiful, sitting up and going over some paperwork. Her hair was down, a fine line of concentration marking the space between her sculpted brows.
I swallowed hard and gave my increasing heart rate a stern talking to. Now wasn’t the time.
“Hey, Alex.” My voice wavered slightly. “Can we talk?”
I couldn’t tell whether it was confusion or fear that flashed across her face. Considering the last real talk we had, I wouldn’t blame her if it was both. She motioned for me to come in, but otherwise remained uncomfortably silent.
Perching on the edge of her bed–the one I missed even now–I took a deep breath, trying to find the right words. My call with Tam was still fresh in my mind, although I’d waited nearly two hours to hear Alex coming back from whatever she was doing with Jamie. And then another twenty minutes before I left my room, to make it seem like I hadn’t been waiting for her to come home.
