Page 132 of Not In The Contract
“For you, maybe. But we’ve started therapy, so I’ve been seeing a lot of her lately.”
This was the part where if Taylor had been eating or drinking something, she’d choke and splutter her way through disbelief. But since she’d been doing neither of those things, she just sat there gaping at me, her mouth dropped open in a round ‘O’.
“I know.” I laughed softly. “It’s big.”
“It’s grown up,” was her incredulous reply. “Which is a huge change for Jamie, if I say so myself.”
“She’s trying, Taylor. We both are.”
She got up and went over to the bar, pouring herself a double shot of whiskey. I bit back my laughter.
“I know it’s early, but you have to grant me this.” She smacked her lips after the first big sip. “After everything she’s put you through, I think it’s great you guys have finally landed here.”
I let out a long, slow breath and gestured for her to bring me one too. “We had a heart-to-heart, which was way overdue. And yeah, I think we’ve found a way forward where we can be in each other’s lives without wrecking each other’s lives.”
Taylor set down my glass and sat down again. “That’s great, Alex. I’m really happy for you. Both of you. I know how things with her were tearing you up and making everything else more difficult than it had to be.”
There it was. I could tell by the way Taylor held my gaze that we’d arrived at the reason for her visit.
“We’re working it out,” I said, ignoring her attempted segue. “Therapy has been helping a lot. I’m even journaling now. Are you proud?”
She didn’t laugh like I’d expected. Instead, her expression clouded over. “So then, what is it?” she ventured gently.
I wasn’t going to do it. If she wanted more from me she’d have to spell it out. I shrugged and took another sip of my drink. It burned all the way down my throat and into my unlined stomach. “What is what?”
“We’re sitting here downing whiskey in your office at lunch o’ clock and you’re playing dumb?” She only broke eye contact because she was determined to get to the bottom of her glass.
I let her have the moment while I tried to figure out my next move. Taylor had come all the way across town to see me, when we didn’t have a meeting scheduled. She was dipping into my expensive whiskey and I could already feel her needling her way under my skin. There would be no avoiding the upcoming conversation.
I opened my mouth to speak, but she broke in before I could get a word out.
“Okay, let me spell it out for you,” she said, twirling the base of the glass between her two fingers. “You haven’t been to brunch in I don’t know how long. I checked in, and the others haven’t heard any kind of update from you either. Now you say things with Jamie are looking up, which is great and I’m so happy for you two. But Devon’s decidedly absent—here at the office, but also in general. Why is that? And why are you being intentionally distant with us?”
Jesus. Way to lay it on thick…
Part of me hoped Katya would interrupt with some urgent life or death situation. Barring that, I figured I could just pick up my things and make a run for it.
“Alex…”
“It’s just—It’s been a lot, okay?” I finally caved, my shoulders slumping as I sank into my chair. My phone was still black, silent, and I tried to ignore that fact more than anything.
Devon wasn’t going to text me. I needed to accept that.
“That’s why we’re here, Alex,” Taylor said, her compassionate tone carrying a notable edge. One that sounded almost like she was scolding me for not knowing any better. “Having us as your family means that we take the bad with the good. When it gets a lot, then lean in. Don’t pull away.”
The sincerity in her eyes knocked me for a loop.
“I know,” I murmured softly. “It’s just- I’ve been feeling so guilty about the way I handled things with Devon. I shouldn’t have let her leave. I should’ve-”
“You still can,” Taylor cut in. “There’s nothing stopping you from doing that. Especially now that you’re working on the biggest obstacle you faced with her.”
I shook my head slowly and dropped my eyes. I couldn’t bear to see the look on Taylor’s face.
“If Devon wanted that she would’ve reached out.” The harsh reality formed embers on my tongue. I could barely get the words out.
“Give me a break.” Taylor rolled her eyes. “Are you seriously going to sit there and give me the whole ‘I’m not reaching out to her if she doesn’t reach out first’ speech? Honestly, Alex, of all people, I didn’t think you’d be this good at kidding yourself.”
“Kidding myself?” My gaze snapped back to find Taylor practically fuming at me.
