Page 49 of Not In The Contract
16. One Step Forward
Alex
Myheartshotupinto my throat, effectively cutting off what I’d been about to say. I stared at Devon for what felt like an eternity, our eyes locked just as she’d turned to sprint back up the stairs. A thousand thoughts raced through my mind and I wrenched my gaze back to Jamie just before she could turn around.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing!” I said quickly, grabbing her forearm and cursing myself for being so obvious. “It was just one of my staff members who caught my eye.”
Jamie leveled me with a skeptical glare, her eyes narrowed and lips pursed. “I didn’t know you had staff working on the weekends,” she said with a quirked brow.
God damn it, I wanted to slap myself. “I don’t, but Sean is helping me with the water filters,” I lied, praying I was convincing. It didn’t matter, Devon had already slipped back up the stairs and out of sight.
“Hm, okay.” She shrugged. “Anyway, just promise you’ll do better to make more time for me.”
“Yeah, sure,” I said. “I’ll see what I can do to shift some things in my schedule.”
“Then we can do lunch every day,” she declared happily.
My stomach clenched uncomfortably. “That won’t be possible.” I sighed. “I have at least eight site visits and won’t be in the city on most days.”
“Ugh, it’s like one step forward and two steps back with you.” Jamie groaned. “Whatever, I’m late for dinner with my friends.”
“See you,” I mumbled as she stormed out, letting the door swing shut by itself.
I stared at the closed door for a few tense moments, dragging in deep, long breaths, willing my heart to slow. Trembles skittered down my spine and along my limbs, rattling the air out of my lungs. I needed to dosomething.
I pulled in another long breath and curled my fingers into fists, turned on my heel, and marched into the kitchen. Anger and shame simmered beneath my skin, at war with the guilt that had become as familiar to me as my own face. It was something I’d carried with me for decades, and yet the weight never lightened.
With a muffled grunt, I opened the refrigerator with a little more force than necessary, causing the contents to jangle noisily. The clink of glass bottles shot icy knives through my temples and I just… I slammed the door and snatched my phone off the counter. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t figure out why the anger roiled in my gut, seething and ugly.
I needed a distraction. I wasn’t going to find familiar solace in cooking. I made short work of ordering takeout and tried to reel in the aggression when I tossed my phone back on the counter. I chewed on the inside of my lip, replaying the events of the afternoon in my head.
I hadn’t expected Jamie to show up out of nowhere, even if that was her usual type of visit. But when I saw her car pulling up, I panicked. I was so sure that Jamie would have thrown a fit if she found out about Devon. She was more than possessive, she bordered on obsessive when it came to sharing me with others.
I couldn’t blame her.
But Devon, on the other hand…
I’dspecificallytold her to stay upstairs. Why would she disobey me? I hadn’t given her any reason not to trust me. MaybeI’dbeen too trusting.
“Shit,” I hissed, and pushed off the wall I’d been leaning on.
My pulse thrummed in my throat, the blood roaring in my ears as I stomped up the stairs with all the grace of a raging bull. I bit into my lip, hard, willing the stilted ire to cool down long enough to call Devon down to eat. I could talk to her after we both had food in our stomachs.
I knocked on her door and waited for an answer. The door swung open to reveal a pink-faced Devon, her eyes downcast.
“I ordered takeout,” I said, my voice a harsh monotone. “It’ll be here soon.”
“Thank you,” she murmured, struggling to lift her gaze past my shoulders. “A-About earlier-”
“Save it,” I interrupted, turning to walk back to the stairs. “We can talk about it later.”
I didn’t wait for a response and walked back downstairs, my palms itching with discomfort. My body practically vibrated with too much energy, frenetic in a way that I needed to burn off. I was no good to anyone in such a state and any conversation I had would be abysmal at best.
I found myself trudging down into the gym and swapped my house slippers for the sneakers I left at the door. Without any thought, I hopped onto the treadmill and set it to the fastest speed I could manage. I ran until my knees turned rubbery and the air in my lungs scorched my throat. Sweat slipped down my spine and between the valley of my breasts, and even stung my eyes. But the shaking in my fingers came from exertion instead of anger.
Something I could control.
