Page 99 of Fanged Embrace
Maxine’s mouth opened, but she must have read River’s expression, because it snapped shut again in no time at all.
Jordan lifted a perfectly manicured brow. “Thank you, River. Now, about the recon mission—we have three new addresses. We need the team sorted now if we’re going to?—”
“Yeah, whatever.” River swiped a hand across the island table and pointed the spoon she grabbed at her leader. “I’m in. Dylan, Amara, and I will take one location. Sky, Maxine and Hunter can handle the second one. You’ll have to call Ethan to help you out with the last one, and Leah and Addison can play getaway drivers.” The spoon clattered in the sink where she tossed it. “Now, you can all kindly fuck off. You’re disrupting Laurie’s breakfast.”
Every immortal head swung my way, along with the two additional humans.
I froze mid-chew, milk dribbling from the corner of my mouth. I wasn’t quite sure what to do with all those eyes on me, but I managed an awkward little wave. A moment of prolonged silence followed as everyone registered the silent guest star.
Then the Leyore circus shuffled for the door with mumbled apologies. Dylan flickered invisible just to shoulder-bump Amara, who responded with a flash of fangs, a loud curse, and rapid-fire sign language I definitely wasn’t skilled enough to decipher. Addison and Leah exchanged sympathetic grimaces with me on their way out.
Jordan paused in the doorway, coat swishing around her ankles. “Remember, we’re doing recon only. Don’t engage in any sort of confrontation if you can help it.”
“Got it,” River gritted out, already herding her out. When the last of them were gone, she returned to my side. “Sorry about that. Hazard of dating a vampire with eight codependent colleagues and counting.”
“At the very least, it wasn’t dull,” I deadpanned, lifting the drippy spoon to my lips. Then the first bit of her apology caught up to me and milk promptly rushed up my nose when I spluttered. “Wait—are we dating?”
Rather than answer the rather pressing question, River leaned down to brush a choppy strand of hair from my forehead and pressed a warm palm to my cheek. The touch buzzed all the way to my toes. “I’ve got to run out for a bit. Jordan wants us investigating a few more facilities. Will you be okay here?”
“Yeah, I know. I was present for the fucking conversation, but—River, wait—” I caught her arm when she stepped away, panic rising in my high-pitched squeak. “Are we dating?!”
River paused and looked down at me, a faint smilefluttering on her lips. “I don’t know…” She tilted her head. “Do you want to be?”
I swallowed the lingering cereal. I should have been arguing about going with her on this recon mission. I should have been worrying over every minute detail of the group’s hairbrained plan to investigate the new facilities undetected. Instead, I found myself pinned under her gaze, wondering how the fuck I was supposed to navigate this unchartered territory.
Were we dating? Did I want that? What would that even look like?
And what does it matter, when you might not be around for much longer?
The thought slithered through my head and left a thread of doubt in its wake. “I don’t…” I stumbled over my words, unable to think around the voice in my head that whispered: too dangerous. Not worth the risk. Don’t ruin what little you have—and don’t deserve.
I swallowed again. “I don’t know.”
“Well.” River’s smile wavered, but she fixed it in an instant. It still didn’t reach her eyes. “You’ll have plenty of time to think about it today. I’ll probably be home late.” She bent down and kissed my forehead, quick and gentle, and then she was off, heading for the door and the mission I should have been a part of. “There are guards patrolling outside, but keep the door locked just in case—and call me if anything feels off.”
I set my spoon down with a loud clack. “River, wait. I?—”
But she was already gone, disappearing from the doorway before I could blink. I heard the front door slam and the house sighed and filled with silence. I sat in the kitchen, staring down at the cereal bowl, and let the quiet settle over me.
I was in two minds about pretty much everything.
A part of me was still determined to keep River at arm's length, but the rest of me was very aware that I’d failed miserably on that front, considering I’d already graduated tosleeping in her bed. Even so, slapping a label on whatever our relationship was felt daunting, and I would rather reside in this weird limbo we’d built for ourselves than cross any more lines than I already had.
Then there was the matter of the mission—the path had grown so muddy since River had gotten herself entrenched in my life and now I wasn’t even sure what my plan was anymore. A part of me wanted to follow her out and help her with this new recon mission, but the fatigue that followed all my memory extractions as of late had me staying put. I’d be useless out there and I knew it.
Then there was the matter of the memories themselves. I could no longer deny that whatever she was doing in my head was working. Even while I sat there stewing in indecision, there was a distinct lightness in my chest that hadn’t been there before, the same weightlessness that had been sneaking up ever since River started plucking shards from my mind. I hadn’t noticed how much of my day had been built around bracing for pain until the pain had been dulled.
But there was still the matter of Dandelion.
My hands balled into fists and I slumped forward over the cereal bowl, closing my eyes to the crisis unfolding inside my head. With my eyes scrunched shut, I could see her. She appeared clear as day in the forefront of my mind—Her infant grin. That final, awful stillness—and the pain that followed stabbed right through me. So sharp I had to press a hand to my heart, had to check if I was indeed bleeding.
River hadn't asked for those memories yet, and I’d gone out of my way to avoid them. But eventually, when every other painful shard was tugged clean from my head, I’d have to face them. I’d have to let her go.
But how could I possibly do that?
Wouldn’t that be betrayal—letting her go so I could breathe easier? It felt wrong. It felt so impossibly unfair that I got to liveand she didn’t. That I got to move on, to grow and change and experience more than the few slices of life I’d been handed so far—and she’d have none of that. She would be forever frozen in statis. And if I let her go, if I handed those treasured memories over to River, she’d be gone for good.
I wasn’t sure I could stomach that. It was a betrayal to the highest degree. But clinging to those memories felt like drowning. Wallowing in pointless agony. A useless tribute to a ghost.
