Page 70 of Use Me
When I was with Bridgette, I’d given her a key, but then instantly regretted it because her shit was all over my place. But having Ashtyn’s stuff around felt completely different. I didn’t mind seeing her toothbrush next to mine or seeing her bra lying on the empty chair in the corner of my room. In fact, I was giving it a month before I propositioned that we find a new place together. A home far away from the one Ashtyn hated to step foot in.
Ashtyn was at work, and I was setting up the poker table waiting for the guys to arrive when there was a knock at the door. I opened it to see Kenny holding up a six pack of Blue Moon.
“I’m early.”
I nodded and chuckled. “Yeah, man. Help me set this shit up.”
Kenny closed the door and followed me into my place. “So Ashtyn moved in officially yet?”
“Since you asked me yesterday at work?”
He laughed and gave a slight shrug after setting the beer on the kitchen island. “Yeah.”
I opened the poker chip case and started to sort stacks. “Not gonna lie. I don’t mind at all how things have turned out.”
“She’s not crazy like Bridgette, right?” Kenny popped the cap on a bottle of beer and handed it to me.
“I don’t think anyone is as crazy as she is. Fuck, dude …” I trailed off not believing what was about to come from my mouth. “I think I love her.”
“Ashtyn?”
“Yes, Ashtyn.”
“Well, shit, man.” Kenny clapped me on the shoulder with his free hand. “When are you going to tell her?”
I took a pull of the beer as I thought about his question. I wasn’t sure. I didn’t know how she felt, and I’d never truly been in love before. Sure, I’d told Bridgette, but that was in my lust-haze when I knew she wasn’t wearing any panties under her dress, and I’d never uttered it again. When Bridgette would tell me that she loved me, I’d just nod and change the subject. She didn’t seem to mind since she was living off my dime. But if Ashtyn were to tell me goodbye, I’d want to jump in front of the Blue Line as the train pulled into the station.
“When I know for sure she won’t crush my heart.”
“Well, I can’t wait to go to Vegas for your bachelor party.”
“Whoa!” I laughed. “Who the hell said anything about marriage?”
“I don’t know, but you’re all pussy whipped now.”
“Don’t be jealous I’m getting laid on a regular basis.”
A knock sounded on my door, and Kenny turned to answer it. “I’m happy with the variety of pussy I’m getting thank you very much.”
“Whatever. Just get the door.”
I wasn’t going to continue to argue with Kenny. He could have a different woman every night if he wanted. I wanted to crawl into my bed every night with Ashtyn and only Ashtyn.
The weekend after Ashtyn returned to work, we bought a Christmas tree. Since we spent all of our time at my place, we’d brought the tree there and decorated it. I had no fireplace for Santa to slide down, so I bought an electric one, and we hung our stockings on it. Plus, it was nice to curl up together and watch a movie with the illusion of flames dancing from a 3D effect. So many times it was on the tip of my tongue to tell Ashtyn how I felt about her. I wantedmanymore Christmas together. But if she didn’t feel the same way, I feared she’d find someone better, so I needed to come up with a plan.
As I walked down the darkened street toward Judy’s, I continually looked over my shoulder to see if anyone was following me. I wasn’t sure if that feeling would ever go away, but I wasn’t going to live in fear anymore. Chicago was a walking city of sorts. I wanted to be able to go on a coffee run before my broadcast. I wanted to be able to walk down to Judy’s if my friends wanted to grab a drink.
I wanted to be me again.
The last week or so had gotten me back to feeling a little normal. I was driving myself to and from work and going home to Rhys’s by myself if he were at work. I still wasn’t sleeping at my place, but it wasn’t because I was scared anymore. It was because a guy had died in my living room. I was lucky Rhys wasn’t sick of me yet.
Ethan had hired someone to clean up the place, but every time I walked through the threshold, my eyes went to the spot where I’d seen Philip under a white sheet. If the day came, I would move furniture around so it covered the spot where Philip died, and I’d sleep with every light on just in case he wanted to haunt me. Or I’d move. I wouldn’t want to live across the street from Rhys if he were to break my heart.
I walked into Judy’s and spotted Jaime sitting at a high top in the middle of the bar. “Hey, lady,” I greeted her as I shrugged off my coat.
“I love Christmas shopping,” Jaime joked as her hello and took a sip of her red wine. I noticed she’d ordered me one too.
“Yeah. Look at all the people fighting for the last Nerf Nitro Longshot Smash,” I bantered back, remembering the hot toy for the year that we’d reported on.
