Page 63 of Shameless
Dear Jeff,
I haven’t been able to bring myself to tell you this yet, but I can’t stop thinking about that Saturday in late July. The Saturday before the apple festival when the power went out? Remember my friend’s son had to help me with the generator?
Well, more happened that night.
So much more.
You see, I haven’t been with anyone since you. Didn’t think I was ready, even though it’s been over two years since you left. But Blake sparked something in me. He offered to help me prepare to enter the dating world again, which resulted in a bad first date with a guy who was a bird watcher. It was horrible.
After my date, everything changed between me and Blake. Sarah was gone and Blake and I decided to watch a few movies while the rainstorm passed. The storm knocked the power out and when we got back in the house, we were drenched. He took off his shirt and … I wanted to feel good again. To remember what it was like to be pleasured. To feel lips against mine one more time. To have strong arms hold me. To not be lonely anymore …
I stopped reading,knowing exactly what Sarah now knew, but when I looked up from the pages, she was gone.
Closing the book, I tossed it onto the floor and rushed out into the living room where everyone was. Everyone except Sarah.
“Where is she?” I questioned.
“She left out the front door. Why? What’s going on?” Mom asked.
I didn’t answer her, as I felt there was no time. The longer Sarah thought about Deb and me fucking, the worse things would get.
“Sarah, wait!” I shouted when I spotted her running down the long dirt driveway. Without hesitating, I took off after her. By the time I caught up to her and managed to grab her wrist to stop her, I was breathing hard. I took a deep breath and begged, “Stop. Please.”
“How could you?” She shoved at my chest.
“That was ten fucking years ago!” I clipped back.
“But it was my aunt,” she yelled. “How could you sleep with my aunt?”
“I didn’t plan to.” I wasn’t going to add fuel to the fire and tell Sarah that after she turned me down that first night, I got the hots for Deb. Deb and I ended up formed a friendship, but it wasn’t romantic. Like Deb wrote, our night together was to make her feel good.
“No? You just stuck your dick in her!”
“I don’t understand why you’re so mad.”
Her green eyes widened and her face turned bright red. “You don’t know why I’m so mad? You slept with my aunt and didn’t bother to tell me!”
“And what would that have done besides lead us to exactly what we’re doing right now?” I questioned. “That happened so long ago. I didn’t think it mattered.”
“It fucking matters, Blake.” She started for the house.
“Where are you going?” I threw my hands in the air.
“Just leave. You’re not welcome here anymore.”
“Are you fucking serious right now?” I argued.
Sarah spun on her heels and glared at me. “Yes, I’m fucking serious. Leave. I need time.”
“Time for what?”
She turned back around and walked toward the house again. “To think. Just leave me alone.”
I couldn’t believe what was happening. She was so angry. It wasn’t as though Deb had told her, either. But Deb was no longer with us, so I was the only one Sarah could be mad at.
Not bothering to say goodbye, I got in my truck and left just like Sarah had asked.
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