Page 85 of After Hours Lectures
So, I’d opened the email and there was nothing written in the body of the message, only a link for the folder that contained his project. I didn’t blame him or need more. It wasn’t as though he would tell me he missed me in a communication that the school might see.
Once I looked at the portfolio, I realized he had used his final photos to send me hidden messages.
The first image was of his guitar. He’d told me before he played, but as I read the details he included, I understood why he was submitting it as one of his eight images. The caption read:Playing guitar has always been a passion of mine. The way my fingers glide across the strings effortlessly and produces a melody makes me happy like when I held hands with the man I love as we went on our first date.
Scrolling through the rest of the photos, I spotted a picture of a steak dinner with a glass of wine. The photograph of the frozen lake with the sunburst I had emailed him after our weekend together in the mountains. He had taken the photo with my camera, but I had sent him all the pictures so he could have them. In Tyler’s assignment, there was also a shot of the table where his fraternity held their meetings. When I got to the one of me, I was speechless. I hadn’t been aware he had taken any of me at the Anaheim game, but apparently, he had. I had been engrossed in the action on the ice, my camera up to my face and my finger on the shutter. The crowd in the background was blurred and the main focus was on me. Tyler’s caption read:Your eyes see the beauty of our planet. Mine see my world.
A lump formed in my throat, and I went to the last image. It was a self-portrait of him in black and white. The photo only showed his face and he had tears in his eyes. I could feel the pain radiating off of the image as though we were face to face. Looking at it, I couldn’t hold back my own hurt. A tear slid down my cheek as I read the quote:Giving up someone is hard when you know he is everything you want.
I’d given him an A+ and tried to forget his portfolio as I had with the rest of my students, but I couldn’t. The week since I’d viewed it had been even harder because I knew what he had done, but I couldn’t reach out and tell him I was feeling the same way. Tyler had dreams to chase and would be gone for six months. Maybe afterward we could try again. Perhaps then everything would be easier, or maybe he would find someone else.
Knowing it might be the last time I ever saw him again, I dreaded the drive over to campus for the graduation ceremony. I didn’t usually go, but I couldn’t stay away. This was an important time for Tyler, and I didn’t want to miss it.
Sitting with the other faculty, I wasn’t sure if Tyler saw me as I blended in and watched him walk across the stage. He looked ecstatic as he fist-pumped the air after grabbing his degree from Dean Watson. Maybe the week since he had turned in his portfolio had been different for him. I didn’t know, but I enjoyed seeing his wide smile. My heart was happy, and I told myself that he would be okay. He would move on, live out his dreams, and eventually find someone who could give him everything he deserved.
I had planned to leave once the ceremony was over, but I found myself walking toward Tyler and his family. I didn’t know why, other than I wanted to congratulate him. To tell him how proud I was of him.
He was in the middle of talking to his father when he saw me approaching. The conversation stopped and his dad looked to see what had made Tyler’s words end. Plastering on a smile, I picked up my pace and stuck out my hand to the man I still loved.
“Congratulations, Mr. Statler.”
He took my hand hesitantly and replied, “Thank you.”
I turned to Gage and held out my hand. “Your son is going to do remarkable work in the journalism field. You should be very proud.”
“I am,” he confirmed and Chase stepped to his side.
I shook Chase’s hand too and then told Tyler, “I just wanted to come over and wish you all the best while you’re on tour with Flirting with Fire. I’m hoping to go to their show in Boston.”
“Um … that sounds good, Professor Foster.”
I smiled warmly. “I’m no longer your professor, Tyler. You can call me Hayden.”
I waved a little goodbye and turned to head to my office, where I needed to pack up some things I would need during the summer. I could feel Tyler’s eyes on me as I walked away, but I didn’t turn back.
If I did, I knew he would see the pain I was trying to hide because telling him I was no longer his professor was supposed to be the moment we had waited months for.
Now it just hurt because I wouldn’t see him in my class, or ever again.
25
Tyler
My chest tightenedas I watched Hayden. The need to chase after him was nearly impossible to ignore, and I had to choke back a sob that threatened to escape. I’d experienced heartbreak in my life, but nothing had ever physically hurt like the pain of watching the man I was still in love with walk away. When he waved goodbye, it felt like he had hammered the final nail in the coffin of our relationship.
What he didn’t know was that I refused to accept this was the way things would end for us. He may have thought he was doing the right thing by not standing between me and what he believed was my dream job, but he didn’t get to make that decision for me.
With my attention on Hayden’s retreating form, I jumped slightly when Fallon clapped me on the back. “I can’t believe we’re finally done.”
“No kidding.” I sighed and pried my eyes away from Hayden. “It feels like we’ve been here forever.”
“You got any big plans tonight?’ he asked.
“Just dinner with the fam. What about you?”
“Same. Everyone’s in town”—he gestured at a large group of people waiting off to the side—“because my father’s making a big announcement tomorrow.”
I glanced toward his family and recognized his parents. In addition to the others who looked like Fallon’s relatives, a couple men in black suits stood nearby. “Oh yeah? What’s going on?”
