Page 42 of Hooking the Captain
He hesitated, then shook his head. “Let’s just ... I don’t know, relax a bit.”
Despite the worry gnawing at me, I nodded and took his hand to lead him into the living room. “Sure, whatever you need. Let’s order some food and I’ll get you a beer.”
“Okay.”
He sat on my couch while I went to the kitchen to grab a beer for him and a bottle of water for me.
I respected his need for time, hoping that the mention of dinner with Hayden and Tyler would provide a welcome distraction. I walked back to him and handed him his beer. “Hey, so, my buddy Hayden, the professor from Hawkins, invited us to dinner tomorrow night with him and his boyfriend, Tyler. What do you think?”
His eyes cut to me. “Dinner with Hayden? I’m not sure that’s a great idea.”
Surprised, I asked, “Is it because you’re still in the closet? Hayden was the only one I trusted for so long. You can trust him. Plus, it’s just a casual thing, and Hayden really wants to meet you.”
He shifted uncomfortably, as if weighing his words carefully. “Look, Coop, there’s something I should’ve told you earlier.”
When he didn’t continue, I asked, “Okay?”
He downed most of his beer in one long gulp before finally saying, “Remember when we first met, I mentioned shit went down in college and I didn’t want to talk about it?” I nodded and Ford took a deep breath. “Tyler and I dated some of my senior year, but I ended it because I got scared. It didn’t take long for me to regret breaking up with him, and I set out to get him back. Except, he didn’t want me anymore and I …” He finished the rest of his beer, and I couldn’t speak, so I let him gather his thoughts. “I fucked up. One night I saw Tyler and Hayden at a restaurant and because I was so jealous and wanted Tyler back, I went to the dean and reported Hayden for dating a student?—”
“Wait, you dated Tylerandtried to get Hayden fired?” My eyebrows furrowed in confusion. I leaned forward to place my bottle of water on the coffee table and stood up. Even though I had known Hayden was dating a former student, I never wanted to bring up Tyler to Ford for their privacy since I knew Ford attended Hawkins too. I had no clue it had been Ford who had reported them to the dean.
He nodded, remorse written all over his face. “Yeah, but?—”
“Why didn’t you tell me this before?” I asked, cutting him off and pacing in front of the couch. I couldn’t deny the unease that settled in my stomach. Everything was a lot to take in, and I could feel the anger building inside of me.
Ford sighed, looking down, and played with the label on the beer bottle. “I should have.”
I was trying to keep my temper calm. “Yeah, you’re right. You should’ve told me because this changes things.”
“I know,” he replied, regret in his eyes. “I messed up, and I’m sorry. I didn’t want to jeopardize what we were building between us.”
As the weight of Ford’s confession played in my head, I couldn’t shake the feeling that he had known all along the potential fallout from keeping what he did to my friend a secret. The trust I had in him faltered, and a sense of betrayal squeezed my heart.
I stopped pacing, anger boiling within me. “Jeopardize what we were building? Ford, you jeopardized everything when you messed with Hayden’s life. Do you even realize what that could have done to him?”
Ford looked up, his eyes pleading for understanding. “Coop, I?—”
“No!” I cut him off, my voice sharp. “You don’t get it. You deliberately tried to ruin Hayden’s career because you were jealous. And you didn’t think I deserved to know? What the hell? You must have known this would come out eventually.”
His gaze dropped to his lap. “I know, but I didn’t want to think about that. All I wanted was to be with you and if I’d told you before, I thought you would have never given us a chance.”
I took a deep breath, trying to steady the storm inside me. “We don’t know what I would have done because you didn’t tell me. You should’ve been honest from the start. But instead, you kept it a secret.” He tried to reach out to me, but I stepped back, the betrayal too fresh. “I can’t believe this.”
Silence hung in the room, broken only by the ticking of the wall clock across the room. My mind raced with the revelation that the person I was in love with had kept such a significant part of his past—an incident that affected someone very close to me—hidden.
“I need some space, Ford,” I finally said, my voice strained. “I need time to figure this out.”
He nodded and stood. “Yeah, well, what I came over here to tell you is that my job is sending me to London.”
I balked. “London? For how long?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. I wasn’t sure I would go, but I guess all of this is a sign I should.”
“Yeah, maybe,” I agreed before I realized it.
“Goodbye, Coop. I hope one day you can forgive me.”
As the door closed behind him, I sank onto the couch and tears streamed down my face and my heart felt as though it had been shattered into a million pieces. I knew it was silly to think that the first guy I opened up to and dated would be the one I would spend forever with. But maybe it was safer to not risk my heart by putting myself out there because I wasn’t sure love was worth the pain.
