Page 51 of Addicted to You
“Nah.” I shrugged. “It’s just a little strange coming home. A lot has changed since I left. Not physically, but my life is different now.”
“Maybe it’s a good thing we came back earlier than planned.”
I lifted a brow. “You don’t really think that, do you?”
He gave me a tight smile. “Oh, the circumstances totally suck, but since I’ll be leaving before the tour is over, this will give us a chance to get you set up with a good routine before you start living here again on your own.”
While I had every intention of maintaining my sobriety, hearing him mention me being on my own caused me a little anxiety. I’d just have to take advantage of having Cash to help me so I’d be ready to handle my shit when the time came.
“That’s probably a good idea. Now, let me show you the spare room.” We walked to the first door down the hall to the right of the living room. He and my family had stayed at a hotel when they had come before, and I wasn’t sure he’d even seen the inside of the room. I pushed the door open. “My house cleaner has still been coming by every week, and I asked her to get the room set up for you, but if you need anything, just let me know.”
He pushed his suitcases through the doorway. “I’m sure it’s fine. Thanks.”
“We can figure out lunch as soon as you’re done unpacking. I texted the guys last night that I was coming home, and they wanted to drop by this afternoon, so maybe I can see if they want to eat with us.”
He nodded. “Sounds like a plan.”
An hour later,Malachi, Jasper, Jesse, Olivia, Elliott, and Savannah huddled around my kitchen island as we piled our plates with the pizza, salad, and garlic bread they’d brought. I grabbed some glasses from the cabinet, filled them with ice, and handed them out. I opted for water, as did Cash, while everyone else poured themselves sodas. The absence of alcohol didn’t escape my attention.
“Thanks for bringing the food over, but I noticed no one broughtany beer.” I was grateful my friends were supportive, but I also didn’t want them to feel they needed to change their way of life to accommodate me.
From the corner of my eye, I saw Cash glance my way. Did he think I was complaining? If so, he had nothing to worry about.
“I just wanted to say that you all don’t have to stop drinking just because I’m not,” I continued. “It won’t bother me. We can even go out and I’ll just keep things low-key.”
Malachi wiped his mouth with a napkin. “Whatever you’re comfortable with.”
“We’ve also asked Rina to only book meet and greets with the fans and skip the after-parties altogether,” Elliott added.
“Are you sure?” I asked. I would never ask them to give things up because of me, but I appreciated that they thought to make changes without me asking them to.
“I’ve never cared about them,” Jesse replied. “And now, Malachi and Jasper are together as well as Elliott and Savannah, so it’s not like they’re looking to hook up with fans. Which just leaves you and Cash. We all assumed you were a no-go right now, and Cash is dating your sister.”
Cash grimaced. “Actually, I’m not with Britt anymore, but I think it’s great that you guys are supporting Silas by putting a stop to the parties.”
“Sorry, man. I had no idea. Now I feel like an ass for saying anything,” Jesse said.
“Don’t worry about it.” Cash clapped him on the back. “It was bound to come out eventually. It’s my understanding there isn’t a lot of privacy on the road, so I’m sure you guys would have caught on soon enough when I didn’t talk about her.”
He was right, but hearing him mention the lack of privacy made me wonder if the dynamic I had with Cash would change once the tour started up again. For the better part of three weeks, it’d mostly been the two of us, and I felt we’d grown really close. Would that all change once we were surrounded by several other people most of the time? And why was I suddenly worried about not havingCash all to myself?
That was some shit I needed to sort through, but not while I was hanging out with my friends. Instead, I focused back on the conversation as everyone talked about what they were most looking forward to as we wrapped up our concert dates. For me, I just wanted to make it through without a relapse and return home stronger than I’d been when I moved to LA four years ago.
We’d been backin California for over a week, and Cash hadn’t been joking when he said we’d use the time before heading to San Diego to get me started on a routine. I’d finally met up with my therapist in person and set up my sessions for the next couple of months. Then Cash and I attended two NA meetings where I met Jason, who agreed to be my sponsor. We also created a daily routine for me that included waking up earlier than I was used to, practicing yoga, going to the gym, and setting reminders to meditate and journal.
On paper, it seemed like a lot, but I found a schedule helpful and believed it would keep me on track even after Cash was no longer with me. I hated thinking about the day he’d pack up and leave, not because I was overly dependent on him for my sobriety, but because I enjoyed his company. We always seemed to share some laughs together, and I got a little bummed whenever I thought about not having that every day.
The roar of the blender started up, and I headed out to the kitchen.
“Good morning,” Cash greeted when he turned off the machine.
“You’re way too happy in the mornings,” I teased.
“Nothing better than starting the day with a good attitude.” He handed over a glass filled with his daily green smoothie concoction.
“Well, to keep that good attitude going, how would you feel about hitting up Magic Mountain today?”
We were heading out on the road in two days, and I wanted to have a little fun before we left. Since my old idea offunwas out of the question, I thought a day of thrill rides might be a good option.
