Page 58 of Addicted to You
Maybe for him, it wasn’t.
But what had been meant as a joke to ease the awkwardness of him walking in on me, had turned into something I hadn’t expected. I couldn’t get the image out of my head of him stroking his dick while lying only a few feet away from me, and it was impossible to ignore how much I had liked watching him.
The problem was, I didn’t know if I was really into Cash, or if our circumstances—spending nearly every moment of the last few weekstogether—were making me see him in a way I’d never viewed another man before.
When I noticed Malachi head over to the bus alone, I decided to follow. He was the only person I could think of who might be able to provide some insight that might help me sort out the tangled mess in my head.
“I’ll be right back.”
Cash looked up from his phone. “Everything okay?”
I flashed him a grin. “Yep, I just want to talk to Malachi for a minute before we go on stage.”
He nodded and turned back to whatever he’d been looking at.
I climbed up the steps of the bus and found Malachi standing near the refrigerator, taking a drink from a bottle of water.
He glanced at me and gave me a head nod. “What’s up?”
“Not much.” I grabbed a water for myself and sat on the couch. “Just wanted to ask you something.”
He took a seat on the couch opposite me. “Okay. Shoot.”
I twisted open the bottle and took a sip before speaking. “When did you know you were into both men and women?”
He blinked. “Why do you ask? Something going on?”
“No. Just curious,” I lied.
He smirked. “Uh huh, because that’s a question someone asks for no reason.”
I let out a long sigh. “I don’t know, man. My brain is sort of mixed up right now, and you’re the only person I can talk to about this who might understand.”
The playful smirk vanished from his face. “Of course you can talk to me about anything. As far as when I knew, I can’t think of a specific moment when it all clicked. In high school, I just knew I was attracted to guys and women, and when I thought about hooking up, gender wasn’t really part of the equation.”
Even though I couldn’t relate, what he said made sense. However, it didn’t make things clearer for me. “So, you sort of always knew?”
He shrugged. “Yeah, but that doesn’t mean it’show it works for everyone. If you’re attracted to somebody, maybe you’re just attracted to them, and you don’t need to overanalyze it.”
“Like I said, I was just curious.”
He looked at me with playful skepticism. “If you say so, but can I offer you one more piece of advice?”
I nodded. “Sure.”
“If this is about Cash, you should be careful.” I opened my mouth to argue, but he held up a hand. “I promise I’m not judging, but he’s here because he has a job to do. It’s clear he cares about you, and we’re happy he’s helping keep you on track with your recovery. But the way he feels about you might be different than how you’re feeling.”
“I didn’t say I was talking about Cash,” I retorted lamely, because who else would I possibly be talking about? Cash was the only person I spent time with besides my bandmates.
“You’re right. I don’t know what’s going on in your head. But all of us are super proud of the progress you’ve made, and I’d hate for anything to happen that might backfire and cause you to lose a very important part of your support team.”
“Got it.” And I did. Cash was off-limits for a variety of reasons, but that had never stopped me before when I saw something I wanted.
He stood. “Good, and remember, I’m always here for you, no matter what.”
When he walked out, I leaned my head back on the couch. While I understood my friend’s concern, nothing he said helped me with my immediate problem. Despite knowing it would be smart not to cross any lines with Cash, the need to find out if I was attracted to him or just looking for something—or someone—to fill the void left by the lifestyle I’d given up was all-consuming.
The energyat the Las Vegas show was off the charts. One of the things I’d been concerned about while at rehab was if I’d be able to return and deliver the sort of show our fans deserved, but thankfully, performing had been the easiest part of my life to slip back into.
