Page 59 of Addicted to You
When the meet and greet was over, all of us headed back to the hotel. Riding the elevator up to our floor, I tried to participate in the conversations going on around me, but the only thing I could focus on was my desperate need to figure out this situation with Cash once and for all. If it turned out I wasn’t really into him, then I could move on and all would be fine. But if I was, I didn’t know what I’d do.
“You want the first shower?” he asked as we walked into our room.
I dropped into the chair by the window. After playing the drums for two hours, I desperately needed a shower, but I had too much on my mind to care. “Nah, you go ahead. I’ll take one when you’re done.”
He pulled some clothes out of his suitcase and went to the bathroom, leaving me alone with my thoughts. Never had I been so confused about my feelings toward someone, in fact I couldn’t remember a time when feelings even came into play. For most of my adult life, sex was uncomplicated. I found a woman I was attracted to, hooked up with her, and then moved on. But with Cash, something felt different.
Maybe my brain was messing with me. All during rehab, the various therapists I spoke to encouraged me to remain celibate and focus on myself for a bit. It sounded like a good idea at the time, but I couldn’t ignore the chemistry Cash and I seemed to share. Or, it was possible I was making the situation into something bigger than it really was because it’d been almost two months since my dick had seen any action other than my own fist.
There was only one way to find out.
I needed to kiss him.
If I kissed him, then maybe I’d know if I was into him or if I was just a horny asshole looking for any sort of release.
My heart rate sped up when I heard the shower turn off, and it felt like an eternity passed before he stepped out of the bathroom wearing nothing but a pair of basketball shorts.
“That felt great,” he said, running a towel over his brown hair.
Damn, he looked good.
Before I could talk myself out of it, I stood and walkedstraight toward him.
His brow furrowed in confusion when I stopped mere inches away and glanced at his lips before looking him in the eyes. “What’s up?” he asked.
“I need to try something.”
I pressed my mouth to his, hesitant at first, but when he didn’t push me away immediately, I traced his lips with my tongue until he allowed me to deepen the kiss. He tasted like minty mouthwash, and I couldn’t get enough. Suddenly, him being my sober companion or even my sister’s ex no longer mattered. I knew I wanted him.
But then he pulled back, his breath coming out in short pants. “We can’t do this.”
24
CASH
Silas stared at me,his hazel eyes searching mine as if he were waiting for me to say more. Maybe he thought I’d say “fuck it” and kiss him back. Or maybe he expected me to push him away and start yelling.
My heart hammered in my chest and my lips tingled where his had been. Not only had his lips been against mine, but his tongue had been in my mouth, and I’d opened for him, allowing him to taste me.
And I’d enjoyed it.
I took another step back, putting more space between us. I needed to think. Needed to remind myself who he was to me.
“We can’t do this,” I said again, because maybe if I repeated it, it would sink in for both of us.
He tilted his head slightly. “Why not?”
“You know why.” I ran a hand through my damp hair. “You’re my client. This is”—I gestured between us—“it’s not allowed. I’m here to help you stay sober, not to?—”
“Not to what? Want me?” he challenged, stepping toward me. “Because that kiss sure as hell felt like you did.”
I exhaled sharply, forcing myself to hold my ground, even as my pulse quickened at his words. He wasn’t wrong. I had wanted him. I still did, and that was the problem.
It seemed every day he tested me. From the subtle flirting to talking about masturbating to us jerking off next to each other. It all crossed a line. And I tried my best to ignore it because, in three weeks, our contract would be up, and I’d be gone. There was no reason to make a big deal out of something that wouldn’t matter soon. Besides, if I walked now, he’d have no one else to step in.
“It doesn’t matter what I want,” I barked. “This is my job. If I keep crossing that line, it's going to complicate things further. And I’m not here to make things more difficult for you.”
His jaw tightened. “So, you’re just gonna pretend this isn’t happening between us? That you didn’t kiss me back?”
