Page 82 of Addicted to You
“I know,” I whispered. “It looks bad.”
“It’s more than that. It scared me. What if you OD’d again? What if you weren’t okay this time? The thought of losing you brings up old memories, and I’m not sure I could recover if you wereto leave me too.”
I could hear the pain and sadness in his voice, and it nearly broke me. I wanted to remove any doubt he had about me and what my intentions had been when I’d left Donnie’s club with drugs. I grabbed his hand, running my thumb over his knuckles. “I promise, I wasn’t even tempted tonight. The only thing I could think of was getting rid of the coke as quickly as I could without anyone seeing me.”
“I want to believe you.” He breathed and looked deep into my eyes. “If we’re going to make decisions about us, I need to believe you.”
“You can.” I wrapped a hand around the back of his neck. “The only thing I’m addicted to is you.”
He shook his head. “That’s not healthy either, Silas.”
“You’re right. That’s not exactly what I meant.”
His hands gripped my waist. “Then what did you mean?”
I swallowed hard as my heart beat faster. It was time to say the words I’d been holding back since Austin. “I meant I don’t want to live without you. Not because of an addiction, but because I love you.”
33
CASH
I love you.
Three words I never expected to hear from him. But the way he stared into my eyes, I knew he meant them. And I knew I felt the same.
“Silas …” I started, but I wasn’t sure how to finish. I wanted to kiss him, to pull him into me and forget everything else. But I couldn’t. Because feelings weren’t the only thing that mattered. We had a lot to figure out.
He searched my face, his hazel eyes desperate for an answer. “Please don’t tell me this was a mistake.”
I shook my head. “It’s not a mistake.”
“Then what is it?”
I let go of him and took a step back, running a hand over my face. “It’s complicated. You know that.”
“Of course, it is.” He turned away, pacing a few steps before facing me again. “But I mean it. I love you.”
A smile tugged at my lips. “I love you too.”
His breath caught like he hadn’t let himself fully believe I felt thesame way. “Then why are we standing here acting like this is impossible?”
“Because I’m in Boston for the next three weeks with my current client. When that’s done, I have another client starting right away, and you’ll be going back to LA soon. I don’t know how to do this when my job keeps me tied to Boston for weeks at a time.” I didn’t tell him I’d scheduled the clients back-to-back because I had no place to live. Or that I’d been toying with the idea of returning to Houston because, outside of work, there was nothing left for me in Massachusetts.
Silas rubbed the back of his neck. “You act like LA is on another planet. I can fly to Boston. You can come to LA when you’re in between clients. We’ll figure it out.”
“And when I’m working? When I have a client who needs me twenty-four seven? And what about your next tour?”
“Are you saying we can’t even try?”
I sighed. “I don’t know how to make it work when everything is pulling us in different directions.”
He crossed the room and grabbed my hand. “Then we figure it out. We make it work. If this was just some fling, I’d get it. But it’s not. It never was.”
I squeezed his fingers, letting myself hold on to him for a few more seconds before I forced myself to take another step back. “You’ve only been out of rehab for a few months. You need to focus on yourself. On staying sober. On making sure you’re solid before jumping into a relationship.”
It was one thing when we were behind closed doors and messing around, but we no longer had that luxury. I wouldn’t be going with him on the next tour to make sure he didn’t give into his addiction.
His expression darkened. “You don’t think I’ve been doing that? I’ve worked my ass off to get here. You know that.”
