Page 41 of Crew
I finally broke the silence. “I should start packing up my stuff.” Granted, it wasn’t much since I’d been naked most of the time and had only put on clothes to run out and get us food.
“Yeah, me too.” He stood.
We were quiet again and I knew I just had to rip the Band-Aid off. I cleared my throat and faced him. “You know this isn’t going to work, right?”
He looked up from stuffing the last bit of his clothes into his bag and blew out a breath. “Yeah, I know.”
I swallowed hard. “It seems everything is stacked against us.”
He nodded, his jaw tightening as if he were wrestling with the same feelings I was. “I’ve been thinking the same thing. I wish I was still in Denver.”
I let out a breath, trying to keep it together, but the reality of the situation was too much. “Me too. I don’t want to say goodbye,” I murmured, the words slipping out before I could stop them.
Singleton’s eyes softened as he sauntered over to me and grasped my hand. “I don’t either but we know it has to be this way.” He paused, and I could see the conflict in his eyes, the frustration, the sadness we both felt. “I’m gonna miss you,” he added quietly. “More than I thought I would.”
“Me too,” I replied, my throat tight. I pulled him against me. “I didn’t expect to feel ... Well, I didn’t think I’d fall in love with you but I did.”
He drew back slightly and stared into my eyes. “You love me?”
I lifted a shoulder, an attempt to act as though it was no big deal, but the truth was, my heart was breaking. “Yeah.”
A tear slid down his cheek. “I love you too.”
I hauled him back against me, needing to wrap my arms aroundhim for as long as I could. I held him tight, not wanting to let go, like somehow, if I just clung to him long enough, the clock would stop ticking and we could pretend we didn’t have to go our separate ways. But I knew better. We couldn’t outrun the truth.
His breathing was uneven. Like he was trying to keep it together just as much as I was. “This isn’t fair.”
I nodded, fighting past the lump in my throat. “No, it’s not. But it’s the way the majors work.”
Another long silence stretched between us as he stayed in my arms. Finally, Singleton stepped back and wiped his eyes. “Guess we’ll just have to find a way to move on, huh?”
I nodded slowly. “I guess so.”
I reached for him again, pulling him in for one last kiss. This time, it was unhurried and bittersweet, both of us knowing it would be the last. When we finally broke apart, I didn’t want to speak. Didn’t want to ruin it with more words.
Instead, his hand slid into mine one final time. “Take care of yourself, Crew,” he whispered.
I nodded, fighting the tears I could feel threatening to spill. “You too, Knox.”
He snatched his bag and I watched him go, knowing this was the last time we’d share a room like this, the last time we’d stand so close.
As the door closed behind him, I let out a long breath and for the first time in a while, I realized I wasn’t sure what to do with all the pieces of my heart that had been left behind.
But somehow, I would figure it out.
I had to.
16
Knox
The second thedoor shut behind me, I wanted to rush back in and hold onto Crew for a little longer. We’d agreed we couldn’t make a relationship between us work, but I still hated having to say goodbye. Hated the circumstances beyond our control that kept us from each other. Hated that, for the very first time in my life, I’d allowed myself to fall in love only to have that love torn apart.
I tightened the grip on my suitcase and walked toward the elevator, doing my best to keep it all together as I thought about what—or rather who—I was leaving behind. In the parking lot, I tossed my stuff into the trunk and climbed into my rental car.
The seven-hour drive seemed to stretch on for an eternity as I passed endless miles of cornfields. I could’ve turned on some music or listened to my favorite podcast to pass the time, but my mind was stuck replaying the two days we’d spent together—the hours we’d stayed in bed watching movies, making out like teenagers, and trying to make up for all the sex we’d missed out on since I’d left Denver.
As I continued across Iowa, I told myself to be grateful for the timeCrew and I had shared. I remembered the Tennyson quote my English professor mentioned once: “Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”
