Page 15 of Knox
After breakfast, Knox helped him get dressed while I lingered at the sink, staring out the kitchen window. The thought of being around anyone felt impossible, but I knew the park would be empty this early. And Grady needed it. Hell, I suppose I needed the fresh air too and to see my son have some fun.
We walked to the little park two blocks over. Grady ran ahead, hopping between sidewalk cracks and swinging Bunzy by the ears. I watched him, half-present, the rest of me trapped in a hospital room I couldn’t see.
Grady climbed the play structure and shouted for me to watch. I forced a smile. Waved. Sat down on the bench and felt Knox settle beside me, his leg warm against mine. I watched my son and wondered if this was what life would look like if I quit. Just mornings like this—breakfast, the park, cartoons, trying to keep him entertained until dinner. Maybe tee-ball in the fall.Trying to explain why the sky was blue or how birds flew. It would all be on me.
And maybe I could do it.
Maybe this would become the new routine. The new normal. Maybe I’d figure it out. One day at a time. Just me and Grady.
But not with Knox.
He wasn’t in that version. Not because I didn’t want him there, but because I could never ask him to give up the game.
Maybe we’d still be together, and make it work despite the distance. Plenty of guys in the league made it work, so why couldn’t we?
But this wasn’t supposed to be his life.
He hadn’t signed up for tee-ball practices and school drop-offs, and watching my son while I was at the hospital, hoping Grady’s mom pulled through.
And I couldn’t ask him to stay.
Once we got back home, I followed Grady to his room while Knox stayed behind in the kitchen to rinse out Grady’s cup and load a few dishes into the dishwasher.
I sat on the edge of the bed and stared at the floor.
I used to think baseball was the only thing I couldn’t live without.
Then Grady showed up in my life.
Now Mallory was lying in a hospital bed, and every second that passed felt like it might be the one when the phone rang and nothing would ever be the same.
If that happened, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to step back behind the plate again.
7
Knox
While Crew followedGrady to his room, I took the chance to clean up the kitchen a bit from breakfast. The morning at the park had provided a great distraction for Grady, and on the surface, everything appeared normal. Crew had cheered him on when he climbed the play structure and laughed when they raced each other to the swings. From the outside, they probably looked like any other happy father and son duo.
But I knew my boyfriend too well.
He was there going through the motions, but his mind was clearly somewhere else. I’d never been in a situation like the one he was in now, so I couldn’t truly understand how he was feeling. But I wanted to be there for him. Even if I couldn’t take away all of his worry, I could help in some way.
That’s what I had tried to do earlier in the morning. Crew may have thought I was oblivious to him not sleeping, but I’d been restless and couldn’t sleep either. Every time I opened my eyes, I could tell he was staring at the ceiling, lost in thought. Kissing his shoulder had only meant to be a nonverbal reminderthat I was there for him. I hadn’t expected it to lead to more, but the moment I felt his body relax from my lips on his skin, I decided to let him work out his stress in other ways.
I hoped it had helped him, but now my own thoughts were spiraling. Earlier Crew had said he was ready to give up baseball to care for his son if Mallory didn’t make it. Even if she did survive, she was going to have a long recovery ahead of her. Maybe he’d give up the game to focus on Grady with everything Mallory would face. I knew he’d do anything he could because of his love for Grady and loyalty to Mallory, but it still rattled me. He’d worked his ass off for years to get to where he was in his career, and now he was acting as though letting it go was the right thing to do.
But I wasn’t going to let him throw away one of his dreams without at least seeing what other options were available to him.
A few minutes later, Crew rounded the corner and leaned against the counter beside me.
“Debra just texted me. She and Hank want to take Grady out to dinner later and asked me to sit with Mallory while they aren’t there.”
I dried my hands on the dish towel. “He’d probably love to see his grandparents.”
“Yeah.” He nodded. “I think it might help them get their mind off of things for a tiny bit too.”
And Debra wouldn’t have to worry about me watching him.
