Page 185 of Cruelly Bitten
Every sensation she’d ever awoken within me.
None of it would be mine again.
But I could make new experiences with her. Create everything all over again, only do it better this time.
By not repeating my mistakes.
By not abandoning her. Abandoningus.
She reached up to palm my cheek, her gaze still holding mine. “If you don’t lead them, then all this loss will have been for nothing, Cam.” Her words were whisper soft. “I’m not sure if I can live with that. Live with knowing we gave up so much… for nothing.”
Those weren’t the words I’d expected her to say. However, I’d heard a variant of them mingled within her other thoughts.
She lifted onto her toes to press her lips to mine. It was a tender kiss, one filled with conflicting emotions.
Longing.
Fear.
A chance at a new beginning.
A potential goodbye.
Hope.
Desolation.
I felt each one of those sensations as though they were my own.
But it was the resolve in her mind that spoke the loudest, the mental voice saying,I need all of this to have purpose. We have to see this through, or the last century of pain will have hadno meaning at all. And I would have survived all of this… for nothing.
“You’re asking me to be their king,” I translated.
No, she wasn’t asking. She wasbegging. Saying she needed this to help her heal. To give our sacrifice a purpose.
It wasn’t about whether or not we would succeed; it was about trying to create a positive result from all of this pain.
I’d set us down this path with my choices. And now she wanted—needed—me to finish it.
I swallowed, the concept of leading this revolution making my insides tighten with unease. Primarily because we had no strategy, noplan.
Because I’d selfishly never shared it with anyone, just provided a few vague notions and fucked off to handle Lilith on my own.
And look how well that turned out,I chastised myself.
Alas, I could ridicule myself all day and night, and it wouldn’t fix a damn thing.
Ismerelda wanted me to lead, to soothe the agony of our past, and guide all of us into a new future.
I had no idea how to do that.
But for her, I would try.
“This will be for you,” I echoed out loud. “If I become their king, it’ll be because you’re my queen, and you asked me for this. No other reason. No point of pride. No sense of entitlement. It’ll all be because you desired it. Do you understand?”
I needed her to know this would be different from a hundred and eighteen years ago. If I led the revolution now, it wouldn’t be out of some misplaced need to save humanity or a selfish choice disguised as a selfless act.
It would be because Ismerelda asked me to lead.
