Page 97 of Eclipse Sector
It’d been hard enough to watch her date those other Alphas. There was no fucking way I’d be able to let that continue after I’d claimed her with my knot.
“So you’d better be sure this is what you want,” I went on. “You said in your mind that I’m yours, that you wanted my knot. Now I’m saying out loud what it’ll mean. If I fuck you, I will make you mine. Even if you don’t bite me first.”
Because doing this meant breaking every vow I’d ever made to myself.
I’d sworn to live alone.
To never take a mate.
To ensure my father’s legacy died with me.
To protect the descendants of Eclipse Sector until my dying breath.
But having Ivana—knotting her—would give my wolf full control of my instincts. He didn’t care about my personal vows; he cared abouther. And I couldn’t fight my animal. Not on this. Not when I wanted and craved Ivana just as badly as he did.
I’d been so close to letting her go, so close tolosingher. I’d seen it in her eyes when she’d called me a coward. Felt it in the way she’d slipped away from me mentally a short time before that. And I’d realized that I didn’t want to live without her. I didn’t want to watch her fall in love with another Alpha. I wanted her to be mine.
Such a selfish fucking desire.
But she wanted me, too.
She’d fought for me endlessly these last six years. Never giving up on me until recently. And that had hurt more than I ever wanted to admit.
“I don’t deserve to love you, Ivana,” I admitted on a breath, needing to speak my truth. “And loving you makes me selfish. It makes me want things I shouldn’t, things I’ve never been worthy of in my entire life. It fucking terrifies me.”
I cupped her cheeks, my upper body balancing on my elbows on either side of her head.
Her eyes had misted with my words, some of the drunken pleasure having melted from her features.
“I don’t say any of this to hurt you,” I went on. “I just want you to understand how complex this is for me. I know I’m not good enough for you, Vana. Hell, the last six years are evidence enough of that. What kind of Alpha rejects his perfect Omega?”
I purposely used her choice in terminology since it was technically accurate, at least on the surface.
“One who thinks he’s doing the right thing for his people,” she whispered, surprising me while also proving yet again how perfect she was for me.
Because she understood me.
Not only that, but sheforgaveme. I could hear it in her mind that despite all the pain, she didn’t hate me the way she should. Instead, she acknowledged my reasons and considered those reasons to be valid.
“I really don’t deserve you,” I repeated, more than aware that I’d uttered that phrase, as well as thought it, a million times.
But rather than push away from her like I should, I opted for a new route.
A new way forward.
A tentative step.
Because I wanted to be good enough for her. To her.Withher.
However, to do that, she needed to understand what I could and couldn’t offer her.
“I’ve spent all these years saying you needed a better Alpha, one who would put you first and love you the way you should be loved. And I may never be able to do that.” In all likelihood, I could never do that.
I could handle breaking my vow not to take a mate.
But I refused to break my vow of protection for the former inhabitants of Eclipse Sector and their heirs. Thus, Ivana would always come second to my Elite responsibilities.
I admitted all that out loud before continuing with, “It’s utterly selfish of me to want to keep you. Acknowledging and accepting that fact is how I’ve been able to fight the inclination to claim you. I can still fight that inclination, Vana.”
