Page 171 of By the Moonbeam and the Mist
Spurred on by the thought that I just needed enough time to say goodbye to Steeler, even if it was for good, I increased my pace and found myself skidding to a halt in front of that marble gazebo moments later.
The center of my mind was the only place that still needed defrosting. The only place still swirling with flakes of ice and snow. The gazebo itself was still frozen white—and so was the woman sitting inside.
Me.
My subconscious turned her head to look at me, and just as I felt the gaping mouth of Lexington at my back, she lifted a hand.
Ice shot up from the ground around us, curling into a dome above our heads, solidifying into something so hard and strong that when Lexington tried to barge through, his distorted shadow on the other side didn’t make more than a vague thump.
Breathing hard, I swiveled back toward my subconscious.
“It’s nice to see you again, Rayna Drey Reeve,” she said.
I stared at her frozen curls, the snowflakes glittering on her lashes. My breath fogged out in front of me when I finally managed to speak.
“What do I need to do?”
She tilted her head, surveying me with regal curiosity.
“Ask me a question. Any question.”
Rubbing my hands together, I peeked over my shoulder to find the shadow of the giant worm sliding along the outer circumference of the dome to encircle us completely.
“Eyes on me,” my subconscious said, and she passed me a coy lift of her blue-tinted lips. “In other words—look inward.”
“Right.” I turned back to her, and exhaled a shaking breath, pushing out the question I dreaded most. “What are you hiding?”
“That which matters most to you.”
“W-which is?”
“Him,” she replied without hesitation. “Coen. Every missing piece of him is right beneath our feet.”
I glanced down at the snow-laden ice, the last frozen piece ofme. And my own breath rattled like chips of the sharpest ice inside me.
“Youstole all of my memories of him? You stole them and hid them here?”
“Yes.”
I stared at her. “You…” I almost let out a shocked, humorless laugh as it hit me. “You were the cause of all my headaches, then?”
My subconscious dipped her head.
“It hurt you, when I ripped those parts away. But I knew—youknew—that they needed extra safeguarding in case another Mind Manipulator was ever able to dredge up your memories. And if you so choose, I cankeepsafeguarding them, here in this ice.”
I swept my gaze from my own palms to the deathly white backs of my subconscious’s hands that gripped the edges of her throne.
She wasn’t bluffing, I knew. If I asked her to, she’d stay frozen like this, cold and forevermore turning into a bruised blue version of her former self, just to protect the one truth I didn’t want to face.
I had loved him.
I had loved Coen Steeler so much that I’d stowed him away in the deepest, most untouchable part of my mind, cutting him off from anyone and everyone who might try to take him away from me. Including myself.
But now…
Now, I loved Coen Steeler so much that I was willing to set him and all my memories of him free. I was willing to set him free and see if he came back.
I shook my head at my subconscious.
