Page 73 of Bound By Debt
It makes me happy that at least they’re excited, even if I’m still scared shitless about the whole thing.
Sometimes, I wonder if Jordan would have been excited, but then I feel guilty for wondering, and then I feel even guiltier because I’m the reason he’s not here.
“So the doctor said everything is good?”
I nod and swallow, my hunger finally abating. “Everything looks good. Babies are growing well and they’re where they’re supposed to be. Heartbeats are strong. Both are moving.”
I reach into my purse behind the desk and hand him the roll of ultrasound pictures. He takes them eagerly, gazing at the tiny hands, the little faces, the little noses.
“One of the babies is yawning.” I push myself as far as I can over the desk and point to the picture. “I know it’s hard to see, but if you look closely?—”
A look of wonder crosses my brother’s face, a smile so soft it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. “I see it. Wow. They can yawn?”
I nod, my chest suddenly tight as a thought flashes across my mind.
I wish I could see Evgeny smile like that as he gazes at his children. Which is ridiculous because I doubt he even wants them. And I don’t know if I want him in their lives.
Except, my mind is still rejecting the idea that he had any direct part in my brother being killed. It’s an irreconcilable difference between the man I came to know and the man I know is the Kucherov Demon. I can’t seem to wrap my head around it. I know it’s possible, but it seems improbable.
Had I been so incredibly wrong about him? Judged him so incorrectly? Listened to my heart and the lies I was telling myself so blindly? Except my brain won’t accept that it’s true, and I hate myself for it. I’m supposed to hate Evgeny instead and banish all thoughts of him from my mind.
However, when my father’s coldness to me becomes too much, when the house feels stifling with reminders of Jordan and my mom all around, when all I want to do is curl into a ball and disappear, the only thing my body and mind seeks is the soft solitude of his estate and Evgeny’s arms.
“Hey, so...”
My brother’s hesitant start draws me away from my spiraling thoughts, where I spend many hours a day. I gesture with a half-finished pizza crust for him to continue, curious about the hesitation.
“I got a letter from the Bursar’s office yesterday. At first I thought it was a mistake, but I went in to confirm. My tuition is paid off.”
The pizza crust goes dry in my mouth, and I nearly choke on it. I have to down the rest of my water before my coughing fit stops.
“It’s what?” I manage.
“Paid off. All of it. My tuition for the rest of the year,plusthe loans I took out.”
We stare at each other with the same dark eyes. Neither of us has to question how or why Marco is free of tuition and debt.
Evgeny.
I swallow past the lump in my throat. “I, um, got a letter from the property company. It says all of Dad’s back rent for this place is forgiven, and we have a six-month grace period before we have to start paying again.”
“Shit.” Marco runs a hand roughly through his thick, dark hair until strands stand on end.
Neither of us knows what else to say, and the only sound is from the old, noisy fridge in the back. Someone walks by the windows without glancing in, busy on the phone at their ear. Someone else walks a small dog on the sidewalk across the street, pausing every few feet so the dog can sniff.
“Eva, are you sure Evgeny had something to do with, well, you know?”
My brother’s voice has a plaintive note, and his eyes are dark with sadness. Our grief has only just started to abate, thescar beginning to scab over. We all know they’ll never heal completely.
I reach across the desk and take his hand. I know he misses Evgeny. He can’t believe the guy he’d come to idolize could have had any part in Jordan’s death. He was either smarter than me or more naïve, and I wasn’t sure which.
“Yes,” I answer him, not wanting to give him any hope.
Now that my head isn’t quite so fogged with grief, I can’t say it with the certainty I want to. With Marco free from debt and the bookstore not teetering on the edge of disaster, I’m even less sure. Is Evgeny trying to get back on my good side, a tacit admission of guilt? Or is he caring for my family and me like he promised, even though I told him to stay out of my life?
“Hey.” I hold up my water bottle. “The water purifier quit working, and I’m out of water. Can you run down to the 7-11 and get me a Gatorade or something with electrolytes?”
I know my brother will agree, which is why I send him. I do need hydration, as the OB/GYN drilled into my head. But I also need Marco to go somewhere else so I don’t have to see the sadness in his entire being from losing Jordan and Evgeny at the same time.
