Page 12 of The Kingdom's Reckoning
"I do not…I have no right," Kallie whispered, unable to accept the title.
Dani muttered an agreement.
Cetia waved her hand dismissively, as if to bat away the conversation. "Her title—or lack thereof—is of no importance to me. Titles are only a small part of who we are, and these are not normal circumstances.Youare not normal, Kalisandre. Your word is power."
Kallie pushed her back into the chair, her heart beating even faster. This was not the plan Kallie had come to discuss. Yet her gift stirred in her stomach as if begging her to reach for it. It buzzed inside her, thrumming in her veins, eagerly and excitedly. But beneath the excitement and the golden haze that often accompanied her power, a darkness hummed. It stirred in the darkest corners of her, ominous and daunting.
"My ability is a curse. It is the reason we are here today. It is the reason…" Kallie’s words trailed off as thoughts of Fynn surfaced. Tears sprang to her eyes, but she blinked them away when she made the mistake of glancing at Dani, whose hand had fallen to her stomach. "To command someone is to bend their will to my own. It is a violation of the vilest kind. I made a promise to myself I would never use it again."
Cetia wove her hands together beneath her chin. "You are correct. The gift you bear, the one that the gods have given you, should not be taken lightly. For years, you have been forced to do unspeakable things, to use your words to betray and to kill. But right now, Kalisandre, you have the power to do good. You have the power to end this war before any blood has been shed."
"I-I’ve never manipulated Domitius. I—" Kallie choked on her words. She twisted her mother’s gold ring around her finger. "I don’t know if I can."
"You do not know if it is possible because you think he cannot be manipulatedorbecause you do not know if you can betray him?"
There was no judgment in the Queen’s expression, only curiosity, yet Kallie could sense the ridicule from the others around her. The mistrust and suspicion. She didn’t need to have Myra’s ability to notice the way the council members’ eyes narrowed or the way the ones closest to her shifted away.
Even Ellie looked at Kallie with a questioning gaze, as if trying to see if Cetia’s work had failed somehow. As far as Kallie knew, it hadn’t, yet she hesitated all the same.
"I hold no loyalty to Domitius," Kallie clarified, forcing some of the strength back into her voice.
"Yet you hesitate," Cetia stated.
Despite the lack of criticism in the Queen’s voice, heat crept up Kallie’s neck. Kallie wanted to deny Cetia’s claim. She wanted to be as strong as the two queens sitting at the table. But who was she kidding? Kallie was not one of them. She was never meant to rule or be a queen.
Her eyes slid to the others in the room—to Medenia and Ophelia, to Ellie, to Terin and Dani, and to the strangers who surrounded her. Kallie came here to prevent those she cared about from getting hurt. She came here because she finally wanted to take hold of her fate. Why, then, was she trembling?
"You are riddled with fear, child," Loralaine said.
Kallie blinked. She tried to speak, but she could not form the words, her mouth too dry.
The former queen nodded. "Good. You should be."
"Loralaine," Cetia called out.
Loralaine held up a hand. "No, I will not lie to the girl. You were not alive during the last war. Were you, daughter?"
Cetia pursed her lips, the first visible sign of her frustration.
Loralaine leaned forward, and the guard beside her shifted, as if expecting the woman to break if she moved too fast. But when the former queen spoke, there was no questioning the power that remained within her bones.
"My memory might be frail, and when it comes to the war, some things are foggy at best. But I recall many things. I recall the bloodbaths that soaked the earth, the violence that ran through the streets, the innocents who suffered.
"War is not for the faint of heart. War is brutal and cruel. The battle forces us to turn into the worst versions of ourselves in order to survive. We have to block out our emotions. To keep on fighting, we must become shells of ourselves to deal with the death that surrounds us. We’re told that fear will cripple us, that it will only get us killed. But the truth is, fear reminds us we are human.
"So you should be afraid, Kalisandre. Kage Domitius is not a man you should go running toward without some semblance of fear and wariness within you." Loralaine paused, inhaling a deep breath, and it seemed everyone around her did the same, concern restricting the flow of oxygen as if this was the most she had spoken in a while. "But what will get you killed—and what might get us all killed—is if you fear yourself. Do not cower from who you are or who you may become because of the gift inside you. Only you have the power to control it."
Loralaine’s words weaved their way into Kallie’s mind and reached the deepest parts of her soul—the insecurities and doubts, the shame and self-hatred. Loralaine was right; Kallie was afraid of her gift. She could not recall a single time when she had used her gift for a purpose other than promoting Domitius' goals. It was nothergift, but his prize. Something he had takenfrom her and molded. Even when it called out to her now, Kallie shirked back, afraid of what would happen, of what twisted horrors she would enact.
Loralaine might have believed Kallie was the one in control of it, but in truth, it controlled her.
Beneath the table, a hand landed atop hers. Terin gave her a weak smile. "No one can make you do anything, Kallie. It is your choice what you do."
Her choice.
She wondered if she really had a choice, though. If she said no, what would those in the room do? Would they prepare for a war? Didn’t she want to stop Domitius and prevent further catastrophe and death? Wasn’t that the whole point of her being here?
If she did what they were suggesting, she wouldn’t need an army. No one else would have to get hurt.
