Page 14 of The Kingdom's Reckoning
Graeson couldn’t believe them. While he shouldn’t have been entirely surprised, he would have thought the time they spent with Kalisandre would have changed their opinion of her, made them see her worth. He had thought Ellie and Medenia had befriended her, yet both defended this path? Did neither woman see the problem with it? The moment Domitius got his hands on Kalisandre, he would kill her. She was a loose end, a risk he would not let go again.
"This is different!" Graeson yelled, hoping they would hear him. "It’s Domitius. We would be fools to run in there haphazardly."
"Who said anything aboutwe?" Kalisandre shot back. She pointed at her chest. "I started this war; I will end it."
Normally, Kalisandre’s stubbornness was one of the qualities he admired most about her. But did she not value her life at all? Did she truly wish to throw it all away?
"He’s dangerous," Graeson said, digging his fingers through his hair.
"I know that! By the gods, I know that better than most, Graeson. But what choice do I have?"
Fear consumed him as he thought of Kalisandre risking her life, unprepared and outmaneuvered. He didn’t want to take her choice away; he never did. But he couldn’t willingly let her throw her life away either. There had to be another way. He could?—
"As much as I hate to say it, Graeson might have a point. You haven’t even used your ability since you’ve been here, have you?" Medenia inquired.
Graeson sighed in relief.Finally,he thought. Someone understood.
Kalisandre tipped her chin up, determined. "I will find a way."
"You won’t even get close to him. You won’t be able?—"
A fist slammed against the table, cutting him off. "You do not get to tell her what she can or cannot do, Graeson!"
He snapped his head in Dani’s direction. "Are you afraid that if I talk some sense into her, she won’t go along with whatever mad plan you are creating?"
He looked at the Queen next. She sat silently at the head of the table, her chin resting atop her hands as if this was some performance at a dinner. "She is not a weapon you get to use," he repeated.
A hand gripped Graeson’s arm. Despite the anger boiling over, the gentle but firm touch forced him to drag his gaze away from Cetia. Kalisandre stood before him, her brilliant blue eyes staring up at him, pleading and breaking his heart simultaneously.
"I have always been a weapon," she said. "It’s what I was raised to be, but at least this time it’s my choice for how I am to be used."
Her eyes glazed over. Quickly, Kalisandre blinked away the tears before anyone could notice them. But Graeson had. He had noticed them right away.
She was afraid, and he loathed it. He hated that they had put her in this position and made her believe she needed to be a martyr.
"Kal—"
Kalisandre shook her head, cutting him off. Her eyes welled up with tears, and she fought them off as much as she could. "I will not let people continue to sacrifice themselves for me."
He heard the words she didn’t say aloud:I am not worth their sacrifice.
To him, though, she was worth every sacrifice, every risk. But him saying that would not change her mind. Still, he wondered if Kalisandre knew how much she was loved—and not the sort of infatuation two young lovers shared. One that came purely fromthe heart, from a place of care. Did she recognize that sort of love when it was present? Because if she could, how did she not know she was worth every sacrifice? That she deserved to be protected, too?
Lately, it seemed she feared love more than anything else, as if she felt she was unworthy of it. That might have been one reason she denied accepting the soul bond. It was probably in part why she still struggled to get close to Terin, despite her brother’s attempts. She had even kept up her walls with Medenia, whom she had found an easy kinship with after the first few weeks.
However, there were times when she had let her walls down—in the forest when Graeson had almost lost himself, or when he had found her in the bathtub after Dani had yelled at her. Or when she would lie on the grass beside Nyrri as they watched the clouds drift by the towering spires of the castle. Graeson savored those moments as if they would be his last.
He wanted to show her what true love felt like, what genuine friendship was.
He understood then how the soul bond must have complicated things. It made their relationship muddy, something the fates had decided rather than something they nurtured. A relationship wasn’t something that was bought or created because of the blood two people shared. Friendships grew. It blossomed as two people became closer and discovered their true selves. It flourished when two people finally allowed themselves to be vulnerable. Graeson wanted to show Kalisandre what that felt like more than anything else. But how could he if she went down this path?
He wished he could read her mind like Fynn could. As their gazes remained locked, a million thoughts must have been racing across her mind. But before Graeson could even identify one, Kalisandre looked past him.
"I’ll manipulate him, but on one condition," she said.
"Go on," Cetia said.
"We make a trade."
