Page 60 of Twin Flames
He turned over recent events in his mind. He wished he’d told her about the article and handled it differently. But even if he’d warned her, he knew she would have been hurt. It was a no-win game. Had he lost her completely this time?
Less than a year had passed since they’d met, but it was as if he’d known her forever. It was the strangest feeling.
For the umpteenth time, he considered ending his marriage. He’d wanted to walk away many times over the years, before meeting Cara. Since meeting her, the possibility continuously popped in and out of his thoughts. He’d known the relationship with Joanna wasn’t what he’d imagined not long after the wedding. But soon after, Jane was born, life chugged on, and he couldn’t bring himself to leave. He hoped that with time he’d settle down and it would be enough. He hadn’t. It wasn’t.
What would Joanna do if he left? He feared she would fall apart. And then there was his beautiful Jane. He’d had the same fruitless conversation with himself countless times. The idea of disappointing his family was intolerable to him. He was a Cavendish. Cavendish men didn’t walk out on their obligations. He thought of his father and mother. They were more like business partners than lovers, managing their considerable estate, the family business and assets. They stuck together and lived an honourable, sensible life. What they lacked in passion, they made up for in duty. That was the Cavendish way.
York, present day
‘Why don’t we ever go on holiday like normal families?’
George lowered the newspaper and removed his glasses; he held them loosely as he peered at Jane, his daughter, over the breakfast table.
‘Whatever do you mean? We’ve been on plenty of family holidays.’
‘When?’ Jane challenged him without missing a beat.
‘Well, let me see. . .how about when we went to Jersey?’
‘Dad, I was a little girl then. I can’t even remember it. I mean more recent holidays.’
‘We took you to the Cheltenham races not long ago. And we stayed the weekend in Bath for your cousin John’s wedding last year.’
Jane flicked her long hair off her face and rolled her eyes at him. ‘I mean a proper holiday. You know—like a two-week holiday somewhere hot. To another country like my friends do with their parents. You guys only ever travel separately. Don’t you like spending time together?’
‘I don’t know what you’re talking about. Of course, we do. We just both have a lot of travel commitments for work, so then we like to be at home sometimes. You’ll see what it’s like when you have a career. Anyway, what about Seville? We’ve been there on holiday numerous times.’
‘Yes, exactly, I want to go somewhere new where you won’t work when you get there. I hope I never have a career that stops me going on holiday with my family. What’s the point of working if you don’t do fun things together?’
George sipped his tea and watched his daughter let off steam. He tried to concentrate and follow what she was saying. The words came at him, but he couldn’t process them properly. SinceCara had disappeared, he’d been unable to focus on anything. Every nerve in his body was raw with pain. Not usually anxious, he worried he was on the edge of losing his grip on reality. Cara was all he could think about. He snapped himself back to the present moment with Jane.
‘Work can be fun,’ he said. He pondered how to diffuse her attack without making a commitment he wouldn’t keep. The last thing he wished to do was to be holed up in a hotel for two weeks with Joanna. But he couldn’t argue with his daughter’s logic.
‘You’re a workaholic; it’s the only thing you like to do. And Mum’s not much better. She’s always off on some business trip or other.’ She sighed. ‘Can we go to America? Gemma has just come back from California, and she had an incredible time. I told Mum about it, and she said she’d talk to you.’
‘Did she? Well, she hasn’t said anything to me about it yet. No doubt, you two will be plotting together, and I won’t know what’s hit me.’
George’s attempt at a laugh sounded hollow to his own ears. The pretence that all was well was wearing him out. He hadn’t slept properly for days.
Jane put her breakfast plate into the sink before she circled back to kiss George on the cheek. ‘Come on, Dad, cheer up, you know you want to take me to California. I’m off to school. See you later.’
Like most fathers, he found it impossible to resist his daughter.
He wondered who he thought he was kidding. Even Jane could see through her parents’ happy marriage facade. He tried to pull himself together, ready to face what promised to be a busy morning at the workshop. He dreaded another day with uncontrollable, anxious thoughts racing around his mind. His future now looked bleak; the sunshine had disappeared with Cara when she left.
Where did she go? Would she be in touch soon?
He was giving her the space she’d asked for, but no message had arrived. He wondered whether he should call again to check if she was okay. She’d dropped out of his world and how he despised the world without her. His worst fear had been realised; she’d cut him off from any contact, and he had no idea when or if she’d be back. His days had lost their spark; the work he used to love was now dull and meaningless. His thoughts suffocated him like a gloomy shroud. He felt trapped in what had become his miserable existence as he went over and over their recent conversations. Was she lost to him because of his stubborn refusal to take action?
He left the house wondering who she was with and what she was doing now.
CHAPTER 18
York, present day
Eddie jumped up from the leather sofa in the hotel lobby, and wrapped his arms around Cara before carefully examining her face.
‘You look tired,’ he said. ‘Are you okay?’
