Page 50 of Twin Flames
‘Yes, I get it. Oh, Cara, Jane’s trying to call. Let me speak to her. I’ll catch you back in a bit.’
‘Yes, of course. Okay. Bye. Have a good day.’ Cara was still talking, but he’d gone.
She looked out of the window at the sunless landscape. The sky was as bleak as her heart. He was angry, and now she was wretched. She hated when he was angry with her. It was endearing that he was a bit jealous of Daniel, but she couldn’t bear him being upset. Her heart throbbed, and a dark veil of gloom descended upon her.
In the brief time since they met in this life, they’d only had awkward exchanges about the elephant in the room: his marriage. Or more to the point, his limited availability. Now Daniel was back in the mix, George was getting a taste of what it was like to not have her waiting by the phone for when he could fit her in. He didn’t like it any more than she did. That much was obvious. But what could she do? She couldn’t abandon Daniel in this state.
Well, now he knows what it’s like. Maybe he’ll be more understanding when she was waiting for him for hours, sometimes days, whilst he disappeared into his life in which she had no place.
‘Are you ok?’ she messaged him, then stared into space as she tried to steady herself. She wanted to cry, but that wouldn’t do here. She’d wait until she got home later. Sometimes black despair took hold and threatened to break her spirit. On those days, she had to give way to it and allow herself to sob it out.
She waited for a few minutes and then checked her phone. No response yet. Who knew how long he’d make her wait? Hewould sometimes go silent for hours when she had angered him in some way.
She noticed her message was sent at 11:11. Of course. Sylvia had explained to her that there were many numeric indicators and signs of a Twin Flame connection. 11:11 was a significant number. It cropped up repeatedly in their communication.
It’s easy to behave well when the person you’re in love with isn’t with someone else. Only a fool would sign up for this.
She sighed and then shoved her phone into the pocket of her jeans as she went to greet Daniel’s children with a bright, fake smile. Cara wished she was meeting George for coffee.
Three hours later and still nothing. She stared at her phone, willing him to respond. No message came. Her heart was heavy, and her eyes ached from holding back the unshed tears.
Cara, who was usually kind and compassionate, was shocked by the violent feelings provoked by the intensity of her relationship with George. Had she hurt him too much by going to Daniel? Was he gone forever?
Nice, present day
‘Jo. Jojo!’
‘Over here,’ an olive-skinned, athletic-looking man in his mid-thirties waved to attract Joanna’s attention.
‘Ah, hi! Great timing, I almost missed you,’ she said.
There was something about Alex which made her feel carefree and young. She laughed a lot when she was with him.
‘I feel better already, just seeing you,’ she said.
‘Then I’ve fulfilled my reason for being,’ he said, taking a mock bow. His smile revealed a cheeky dimple in his chiselled chin and a set of perfect Hollywood style, white teeth.
Joanna touched his boyish face and ran her glossy pink nails through his dark hair before she leaned in to kiss him.
This is my prize for being a well behaved, loyal wife and mother for so long. At last, it’s my turn to have some fun.
Joanna could taste her new-found freedom. She was giddy and exhilarated and surprised to not feel guilty. She’d felt cold and dead inside for so long; she thought that anything must be preferable to chugging along in the depressing fog of her empty marriage. To feel alive again was worth taking any risk.
‘Where are we going?’
‘Let me surprise you,’ said Alex, flashing her a mischievous grin.
‘Great! It’s nice not to have to plan everything for a change. You do remember I have important meetings tomorrow in St. Tropez?’
‘Sure, no problem. I’ll drive you there in the morning. But today I’ve got you all to myself. . .’
‘Yes, I’m all yours!’
Alex slid his arm around her waist, and they sauntered off to his car. They looked like two lovers without a care. And that’s what they were for today. Until Joanna returned to York. Until her soul draining routine resumed. She decided she wouldn’t think about that now.
George was a good man. She’d loved him since she was a teenager. But gradually, over the years, he withdrew his tenderness, and the deep feelings she’d had for him slowly shrivelled. It was painful to want someone who didn’t want you. In the end, she’d closed her heart in an effort to protect herself from his wordless rejection. A sense of obligation replaced the love she used to feel for him, and it saddened her that she could barely recall the happiness they must have shared in the early days. She knew she had loved him, but now, looking back on their youth, she realised George hadn't adored her in the wayshe’d dreamed of when imagining her future husband. He was a catch: handsome, charming, intelligent and funny, and so she’d let herself believe he felt the same. And he had loved her. Just not enough; not enough to last a lifetime. He was a devoted father and a kind, dutiful husband, but she was stifled by his lack of passion. She didn’t want kindness; she wanted him to take her in his arms and make love to her as if he couldn’t live without her. But they hadn’t had sex for several years, and even then, it had usually been initiated by her. They hadn’t made love and meant it for longer than she could remember. She accepted that he only stayed with her out of duty.
Joanna knew him well after twenty years of living together. He didn’t want to have to deal with the unpleasantness of ending their marriage. He didn’t want to be that guy who might be judged as selfish and uncaring. He loved to be admired and respected. They both paid a high price to retain the romantic couple image they’d projected for so many years. Even their closest friends and family had no idea they weren’t the ideal couple they pretended to be.
