Page 1 of Be Your Somebody
Chapter 1
Goodbye is never easy
Avery
Goodbye is never easy
Late Fall 2022
Theblackcursoronmy computer screen mocks me with its constant blinking. The document is blank, but my mind is not. Goodbye is a short, simple word with the ability to inflict heart-wrenching pain. A two-syllable word that has the power to shatter someone's soul into a million pieces.
That’s how I feel right now. Everything was good until it wasn’t. Promises broken, trust demolished all within a matter of seconds.Cas said this time would be different. He said he changed—he even had the damn proof to show me. Plus, he was different. He was goofy, kind, and thoughtful. I waited years for him to come back, only to be robbed again by his vices. Everything feels up in the air. Uncertainty about our friendship threatens to hold me captive. But I know better. History repeats itself, but they never said I had to be along for the ride. So I made a choice…I just don’t know with one hundred percent certainty that it’s the right one. The only way to know is by ripping off the Band-Aid. My heart's contents begin to spill onto the page, the delete button being abused the most. No more dancing around Cas and his struggles with addiction. It’s not even a dance I enjoy, despite my knowing it all too well.
Lying on my desk is a white envelope with his name scrawled across it. Tears cloud my vision as I place the printed letter inside, but it isn’t until it's sealed that I lose it. My body collapses to the ground and I wonder if this is how it ends for me. Death from a broken heart. My lungs can’t seem to get enough air despite how desperately I gulp for oxygen. My heart never reaches its resting place, no matter how much I remind myself this is for the best.
The off-white envelope now weighs heavy with sorrow. Memories of our friendship cover every inch of my childhood bedroom and it's suffocating. They say if you love someone, let them go. If they were truly yours to begin with, they’ll come back. The question I ask myself, though, is do I want him back? My heart has already withstood so much when it comes to Cas. I know if we repeat this cycle for a third time, I won’t survive. I’m exhausted both physically and emotionally. So for now, it’s time to let him go. I truly believe that for Cas to thrive in this lifetime, we need to go our separate ways. I refuse to enable him further. I once believed that if you loved someone fierce enough, loved someone hard enough, it would help them change. Given my history with Cas, that has proven to be false. I can’t force someone to change if they don’t want to. But what I can do is put myself first. By putting myself first, I’m showing him how he should be treating me. Maybe we can be friends again someday, but for now, I just can’t. Something tells me Cas has to hit his rock bottom for the necessary changes to be made permanent.
My phone rings incessantly, but I have zero motivation to answer it. Silence fills the room for about three seconds before the ringing begins again. My intuition has me on my feet and picking up the phone to seeEvelyn, Cas’ grandma, calling me. My heart plummets to my feet, instinct telling me my whole world is about to crash.
“Hello?” I answer, right before she utters the seven most gut-wrenching words I’ve ever heard.
Chapter 2
Cassidy
It was only just a dream
What the hell? Where am I? What happened to me? My eyes widen with panic as I adjust to my surroundings. Wait a second. I look around at the sage-colored walls decorated with random posters of various musicians from Pink to Panic! At The Disco. A dresser-vanity made of oak covered with various beauty items stands before me. On the wall closestto the door is a walk-in closet cut from the same material as the dresser. My eyes fall to the queen-size bed covered in a forest green comforter, buried beneath an alarming amount of throw pillows that complement the wall perfectly. Across the room is a bay window overlooking my grandparents’ yard and the lake where the neighborhood kids play. I’m in Avery’s childhood bedroom. But how did I get here?
I scrub my hand down my face, but the scene doesn’t change. I run my fingers through my hair, racking my brain while questions flood my system like those severe weather alerts. The last thing I remember is feeling cold and alone.
My body shivers and my teeth chatter. Thoughts of crawling under the covers of Avery’s bed to defrost the iceberg that has formed around my body has never felt more enticing. Instead, I focus on the sounds around me. The birds chirping. The cars rushing by.The faint sounds of children laughing while they play. It makes me crave the boy I once was. The boy who, with the help of his grandparents, finally escaped from the big bad wolf.
The faint sound of a siren makes my stomach churn and my brows scrunch with confusion at such a visceral response. Where did that come from? It’s as if my brain and body are trying to communicate, but are speaking two different languages.
“Cas? Honey, are you hungry?” Avery asks, her voice floating up from downstairs. Hearing her speak sounds like drinking hot cocoa on a cold evening. I grin and rush downstairs like a kid on Christmas morning, eager to tear through their presents.
There she is, my beautiful Avery, with her hair piled atop her head in a messy bun. She wears a lavender pajama set and her feet are bare. She’s humming quietly to herself, but just loud enough for me to hear the smooth melody of Can’t Help Falling in Love by Elvis Presley. My girl is a talented musician, but I wish she saw herself through my eyes. If she could do that, there would be no room for doubt in her head. She’s beautiful, kind, and the most incredible person I know.
Acting on instinct, I walk toward Avery, wrapping her in my arms and reveling in her touch. I bury my face in the crook of her neck, allowing the warmth of her body and sweet scent to ground me. She startles for a second, caught off guard, before melting into me. What’s happening right now has to be real. It would be cruel if it weren’t.
“I love it when you sing.”
Even though I can’t see her, I know she’s scrunching up her face in disgust. I spin her around so that she’s facing me. She lets out a surprised gasp and her eyes widen when she looks at my face.
“Avery. When you sing, your soul transports to another world. When you sing, you and the music become one.”
My words come out breathless only because I feel so passionately about this. Tears glisten in her eyes, so I gather her against my chest and allow her to feel. She wraps her arms around me and we hold each other in comfortable silence.
“Thank you,” she whispers.
I pull back just enough so that I can see her face. “For what?”
“For saying that. For being here. Most importantly, for being you, Cas.” Her words are love arrows to the heart. My lips graze her forehead before I remove myself from her arms as the sudden urge to dance with her takes hold of my mind. I glance around the kitchen, searching for my phone, only to come up empty.
“Are you looking for this?” she asks while holding my phone in her hands. I grab it and, without hesitation, find the song she was humming earlier. I put it on the highest volume before grabbing her hand and pulling her towards me.
She lets out a sultry laugh, throwing her head back, giving me perfect access to her throat. My thoughts turn from innocent to dirty in seconds, but she's facing me again before I can act on them. As we sway to the music, I can’t help thinking I could get used to this.
