Page 15 of Be Your Somebody
“Wanna dance?” I shouted at her, which caused her to startle. Well, that was smooth—wayto go, Cas.
“Huh?” she asked, her face scrunched in question.
“I mean, I-uh. I was wondering if you, you know, wanted to dance? Like with me?” I stammered out. A blush crept across her face. Great, I just embarrassed her—cool move, dude. I wracked my brain, trying to find a way out of this, but her response caught me off guard.
“I, oh, um, yes, sure.” She looked down at her feet, avoiding my gaze. I removed her arm from mine to take her hand. I noticed that my palms were sweaty a tad too late and hoped she didn’t get grossed out by it. We slowly made our way to the dance floor and just stood there. She was probably waiting for me to make the first move, but I was terrified.
“Cas? You okay?” she asked. I could play it off cool or I could be honest. I chose the latter.
“I, uh, I’ve never actually danced like this.” I gestured toward the other couples, swaying to the music. She let out a soft chuckle, which caused my focus to land on her.
“I haven’t either, but it doesn’t look that hard. I guess we just copy everyone else?” She bit her bottom lip. My eyes flickered to her lips and I couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to kiss her.
“Cas?”
“What? Oh, uh, yeah, right. Copy what they do.” I took a moment to glance at the people. Getting into a position should be a dance in itself. I placed my hand in hers while she put her other one on my shoulder. I put my hand here—wait, are the men holding their partners by their waists? Am I supposed to do that? I cleared my throat before placing a hand on the middle of her back. We were miles apart as we danced alongside the other people. It wasn’t until some random person approached us and pushed us closer together.
“Get close to her, man. You don’t need to save room for Jesus,” some random man said.
The second he pushed us together, our gazes locked and it took us both a moment to realize the rain had started to fall. I couldn't care less because I had Avery in my arms, and it felt good. The dance floor became less crowded as the rain continued to fall, but I was content where I was. I thought back to Avery biting her lip and the urge to kiss her returned.
I removed my hand from her back and reached up to tuck a few strands of hair that were stuck to her face from the rain behind her ear. My hand remained cradled against her now color-streaked face from the rain washing off the paint as I searched her eyes for a sign. Before I could lean in, I chickened out and jumped away from her. Confusion and what looked like hurt crossed her face, but I excused myself before I made an ass out of myself.
Present day, Mid Spring of 2023
I need a distraction, so I grab my keys and head downstairs instead of focusing on what happened. Gram is still working in the kitchen and tries to stop me.
“And where do you think you're going?” she asks.
“I need to get out for a while.” My voice comes out clipped, but I leave before I can hear her protest. Right now, I just need to escape. I don’t want to sit and deal with my feelings. I get in my car with no direction in mind and head out.
I wasn't sure of my destination until the local bar came into focus. Damn it, I shouldn’t be here. This place holds so many bad memories. All the times my grandparents came to pick up my wasted ass is just as embarrassing as getting a boner while giving a speech in the middle of class.
The wordmistakeflashes in my mind like an applause sign. I’m newly sober, but my legs move before my brain has time to process what’s happening. Before I know it, I’m inside the bar, swearing to myselffor being here.I’m not here to drink. I’m just here to distract myself from my thoughts.I repeat that mantra in my head. My mouth salivates from the idea of alcohol touching my lips. I mean, if Avery isn’t going to be in my life, what’s the point in staying sober?No.I didn't get sober for her. I did it for me first, then for her.
Fuck. My body feels like someone put superglue on my shoes when I see who’s working. Asher Larsen. Damn it, I'm not in the mood for judgment. He's kicked me out too often for causing fights and doing things I shouldn't do. I’m still standing in the doorway when he finally glances my way. The smile Asher was wearing turned into a grimace. Well, it’s now or never, I guess. I’m still stuck in place when someone forcefully nudges me out of the doorway, forcing me to make my way toward the bar.
The bar has mostly stayed the same. The walls are a dark cherry covered in signs and posters of various shapes, sizes, and colors. The bar top itself is mahogany with wooden stools to match. It's not a particularly busy night, but I notice a few regulars who all eye me cautiously. My chest tightens and my hands fist at my sides with anger. I can't blame them for thinking I’m up to no good. I did a lot of damage back then, but it still hurts that people view me this way still.
Asher finishes up with his customer and hesitantly makes his way over to me. He starts to pour me a whiskey neat, my previous drink of choice.
“No thanks, man. Can I get water instead?” I ask.
Asher shoots me a skeptical look. “Water? Why?”
“I’m not drinking anymore, man. No alcohol, no drugs, just want a distraction. Now pour me some goddamn water,” I demand.
Asher scans my face trying to figure out if I'm fucking with him. I guess the look on my face must convince him that I'm serious because he switches the whiskey for water.
“Well damn, good for you. Let's hope it sticks,” Asher says.
“I plan on sticking to it. I…I don't ever want to be in the hospital again. Overdosing sucks ass.” Just saying the wordoverdosehas goosebumps forming on my skin. A brief glimpse of me lying cold and alone in the dark alley flashes in my mind.
“I bet. My brother had his issues with addiction. I saw all sorts of things no one should ever see. He’s sober now and can talk to you if you need extra support,” he offers.
“Wow, uh, thanks. I might take you up on that.” My voice shakes with emotion. I wasn’t expecting that type of response, honestly.
“So you said you needed a distraction tonight. What’s up?” he asks.
