Page 27 of Be Your Somebody
“Why are you staring at me like that? Come on, start swinging with me,” I say.
He shakes his head, reaches for his camera, and snaps one, this time only taking one photo. He momentarily stares at the electronic viewfinder on his camera before his gaze meets mine. His expression holds something I’m not used to seeing from him: lust mixed with what seems like awe.
Cas clears his throat before speaking, “I love watching you swing. You're face lights up and you…you look beautiful and carefree. I missed that." The emotion in his voice causes butterflies to swirl in my stomach. I forgot howaffectionatehe can be sometimes, and his words threatened to pull me into his orbit.
Thanks to his little confession, I am no longer swinging as high as I was. He jumps out of his swing to stand behind mine to grip my chains. Even if I didn’t see him move with my eyes, my body would have felt his presence instantaneously. Goosebumps break out across my skin and my body hums with sexual tension. Then he started pushing, which only amplified my senses. It’s like I’m in one of those sensory deprivation tanks. Every time his hands press against my back, tingles shoot throughout my body, leaving me wanting and breathless. He then rushes to the front of the swing to push me some more, but this time, his hands are near my hips. Heat begins to pool between my legs, and even though there’s a slight breeze in the air, I feel hot.
“Oh my god. Remember when we used to run around to the other side before the swing beat us there? I loved doing that.” He laughs, causing that flutter in my belly to increase.
I nod my head as words fail me. Of course, I remember. I just don't remember it ever being this intense. The tension in the air is a taut bowstring, and I can't help but wonder if he feels it, too. He's in front of me again, stopping my swing instead of pushing me, causing my body to slam into his. He places his hands atop mine. My eyes lock onto his face and his expression causes my entire body to shiver. He stares at my mouth and I bite my bottom lip in response. Cas’s throat bobs and his chest heaves as my lips to part on their own accord. He's finally going to kiss me. I've wanted to do this since I was fourteen.
I clear my throat, breaking the tension, and he jumps back as if my body is a taser. I immediately miss the warmth of his hands on mine. I need to speak before something happens that we can't take back.
“Want to go to the jungle gym?” I say, wanting to extend our time here as much as possible. When he shakes his head no, disappointment washes over me.
“I think we should probably head home. I should get you home before the park closes and the cops come and kick us out,” he says.
“Oh, okay, that makes sense.” I can't bring myself to look into his eyes. I have this sudden urge to cry and don’t want to do it in front of him, especially because there’s no real reason for them.
Of course, he knows something’s up. Cas waits for me to look at him, but I refuse. “Avery, please look at me.” I shake my head. The tears that threatened to come are now pouring out of my eyes. “Avery,” he tries again. When I look into his eyes, I expect him to say something, but he just brings me into his arms and holds me. He strokes my hair while whispering comforting words.
“God, I don't know why I’m crying. It's, well, we haven't done this in so long and it's bringing so many feelings. I-I don't want this to end,” I say, tightening my grip.
“You don't want what to end? This moment or our friendship?” he asks.
“Both. I don't want you to go away again. I loved doing this with you today. It reminded me of how it felt to be carefree, like when I was a kid. I forgot about it until you reminded me. So, I guess I’m trying to say thank you for today.”
Cas lets out a soft sigh. “Avery, I can’t say I'm sorry enough times for what I put you through. I'm not going to be perfect at this, and I'm guaranteed to fuck up, but I'm willing to try. Seeing you smile does something to me. I'm not sure I can explain it yet. It's the best feeling in the world, making you happy. But it's getting dark and I don't want us to get in trouble.”
“Okay,” I respond. We stand there for a few more moments, neither wanting to let go. Then something that happened earlier comes into my head, and I’m asking the question before thinking it through. “Cas?” I ask.
“Hmm,” he responds.
“What happened earlier? When we were, uh, on the ground. You were with me one minute, and you were somewhere else thenext.” I bite my lip and try to control my rapid breathing. I'm not sure why my body is reacting this way, but that moment spooked me a little.
“Oh, uh, nothing. I thought I saw something weird. It’s nothing.” His words say one thing, his body language says another. I know Cas isn’t telling the truth, but I let it go for now.
We reluctantly pull out of our embrace and head towards the car. I look back at the swings and smile. New memories hold hands with the old ones in my head, and the person next to me is responsible for it all. Today reminds me of how we used to be and how we can be. I peek in his direction and notice him writing on that piece of paper from earlier with a massive grin before putting it back in his pocket. I can’t remember the last time I’ve ever felt this content. I’m so content that I almost missed his reaction to something on his phone.
Chapter 18
Cassidy
It’s time to talk to someone
Hi,mynameisCas and I’m a recovering addict. I remember that euphoric feeling of heroin hitting my system, sending dopamine pulsing throughout my body. That false sense of calm and happiness filled the tiny cracks in my system from my father's neglect. I lived off that imitation of happiness for years, never truly knowing what authentic joy felt like. Being sober, I’m experiencing things through a fresh lens. Making Avery smile yesterday, I felt the same euphoric feeling hit my system. After years of forcing myself to feel happiness, who knew I could feel it genuinely? I guess what they say is true. More often than not, people withsubstance issues often replace one addiction with another. If Avery and her radiant smiles are my addiction, then I’ll keep doing what I can for my next hit. Because I know what withdrawal feels like, and one from her is something I don’t think I’ll come back from.
When I get home, my grandparents are in the kitchen. I try to contain my smile so they don't ask me any questions, but I fail miserably.
“Well, well, well. What's got you smiling like that?” my grandpa asks, lips upturned in a smirk. Before I can answer, my grandma decides to give her two cents.
“It's more likewhohas him smiling like that, and we both know who. So, you must have made up with Avery?” she questions.
Grandmothers honestly do know all. If I were participating in a try-not-to-smile challenge, I would be out within the first round. The more I try to school my face, the wider my smile becomes. My face says it all, but I want to share this moment with them.
“I took her to the park and we hung out there for a while.” And before I can stop myself, I’m word-vomiting my plan to reconnect with Avery. I make sure to leave out that we almost kissed…multiple times. You don’t want to discuss certain things with your grandparents, the almost kiss being one of them. I’m also not sure how to feel about it yet. My palms tingle with phantom heat from the feel of her hips. Every part of me wanted to kiss her at that moment, but I stopped myself. Avery might have looked like she would have welcomed my lips on hers, but she’s not fully ready to trust me just yet. And kissing her would mess up my plan, no matter how much I ache for it.
After the conversation with my grandparents, I spent the remainder of my evening editing photos and putting them into a photo album. After placing them in their individual slots, my eyes honed in on one photo in particular. The sunset background perfectly complimented her fair complexion, her auburn hair contrasting perfectly against the gritty grass. She wore a shy smile and her eyes shone with raw vulnerability. She was just heart-stoppingly stunning.
