Page 29 of Be Your Somebody
Chapter 19
Avery
Best friend bootcamp item two: go to the dock
Ihaven'tseenCasin a month. I've gone to his house only to have his grandparents tell me he isn't doing well. I don't understand his radio silence. Reflecting on our time at the park, I can't find any logical reason for his absence.
A knock on the door pulls me from my anxious stupor and déjà vu ripples down my spine. I knew who would be standing on the other side. Cas is dressed in a white tank top and colorful swim trunks with a towel draped over one shoulder, his camera bag on the other. His smile doesn't reachhis eyes and intuition tells me something's wrong. I don't have much time to think about what's off about him before he starts speaking.
"I know. I fucked up again. This month has been really hard, but that doesn't excuse my behavior. I told you that this time was different and I pulled a disappearing act. I'm—" But I put my hand up to stop him from continuing.
"It's okay if you don't want me in your life, Cas. I can handle it." I look down, not wanting to meet his eyes. The sound of the towel hits the ground with a soft thud, and within a matter of seconds, his arms wrap around me enveloping me in the smell of fresh pine.
"No, Avery, just, no. This was all me. I haven't been myself this last month. My grandparents weren't lying when they said I wasn't doing well. I didn't know what was going on with me. I still don't. I couldn't bear bringing you into my drama. I've already done that to you enough in this lifetime. No one should have to see me like that. I didn't even want to see me like that."
I’ve really come into my own, but sometimes I need reassurance. The word reassurance and I are new friends. I always thought that needing a little extra comfort made me too needy. Looking at it from that viewpoint, though, really stunted my personal growth. One time in therapy, Olivia gave me some homework to start asking for reassurance from those I love. She said it would be easiest to do it with those I felt safe with. So, I began to practice with Bri as well as my boss, Tanya, and little by little I was able to do it. Granted, there’s always room for improvement, but I’m proud of myself for how far I’ve come. With Cas, it might be awhile. Our friendship is still fragile and new, so I just need to let whatever happens happen and hope I can continue to improve on asking for what I need.
"Cas…" My voice comes out in a whisper. My fingers touch the crease between his brows, attempting to smooth out the worry.
Cas stares at me, looking like he wants to tell me something. The moment passes as quickly as it begins, and he's suddenly pulling out of the embrace with a smile back on his face. "Today isn't about my fucked-up life, though. Today ."
"Cas, listen to me. You can talk about it with me. You know I won't judge you. Whatever's holding you back from letting me in, I promise you I'll still be here," I say, unable to let itgo.
"Avery, please just drop it. I don't want to talk about it now. Please?" I would have kept pleading for him to let me in, but something in his eyes told me it wasn't the time to push him.
"Okay, so will you tell me why you're dressed like that?" I wave my hand up and down at the ridiculousness of his outfit.
“We’re going to the dock, freckles. Remember when we used to make silly names for jumps and had competitions for who could make the biggest splash?” His fake smile is replaced with a genuine one and I mirror his expression. My heart warms when I think about how special the dock is for me, for us. Whenever I fought with my parents or needed space, I would go to the water and sit with my feet dangling off the edge. Cas would often join me, and we would sit in comfortable silence.
“Oh, I remember how those crazy jumps all started. A certainsomeonepushed me in the water with all my clothes on before calling out a ridiculous name and jumping in after me,” I say with a playful punch to his shoulder.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about. I wouldneverdo something like that. You must have me confused with someone else. Are you planning on changing into your swimsuit, or do I have to drag you down there in what you’re wearing?”
I roll my eyes because he wouldtotallythrow me over his shoulder and toss me into the water with what I have on. I run upstairs and search for the perfect outfit. Not that I care what he thinks. I’mdefinitelynot hoping to get a reaction out of him. Still, I have no idea what to wear.
I pull out my phone to FaceTime Bri and pray she answers quickly. She picks up on the third ring.
“What’s up?”
My words come out quick and frantic. “I need your help. Cas showed up and we’re going swimming by the dock.” Lucky for Bri, she’s used to this by now.
“You need to look hot, got it. Okay, show me what we’re working with.” I choose to ignore her taunting because I’m pressed for time. I show her at least five suits before Bri shouts her approval at one in particular. In my hand is a black one-piece with a cris-cross pattern down the front exposing the middle of my stomach. There’s also little to no material in the back to cover my ass. I put it on and then propped the phone up so she could get a glimpse.
“Ofcourse this is the suit you choose. My ass is practically out, Brianna,” I exclaim.
“Exactly. Now go and knock him dead, which won't be hard to do with that outfit,” she says before hanging up. I go into my closet and pull out a white, oversized t-shirt to cover up before heading down.
“Alright, I’m ready.” Cas grabs my hand and I bite my lip to stifle a gasp. Goosebumps cover my entire body and it takes effort not to shiver. This happens every time he touches me.
We make it to the dock and my heart flutters with memories of doing this as kids. Back then, we had the innocence of childhood and we could care less about each other's swimsuits. I refuse to let any doubt linger past a few seconds. I look good and I know it. Back in high school, I looked like a twig and I hated it. Since then, I’ve been blessed with subtle curves and I am owning it.
Cas has already taken off his shirt and shoes, and I can’t help but ogle his body. My eyes play pinball with his six pack abs and I can feel my fingers tingle with the urge to leave possessive claw marks.
His golden skin glows beneath the sun's rays and I notice little beads of sweat forming, causing my mouth to crave something salty. His chest alone could make any girl weak in the knees. I’ve been wrapped up in those arms hundreds, if not thousands of times, but seeing them completely bare has me clenching my thighs together. I groan internally as I stare at his tattoos. Tattoos in general are sexy. But tattoos on Cas? My hormones don’t stand a chance.
Cas has a full sleeve of random designs that probably tell some story, but my eyes are laser-focused on one tattoo in particular. On his right hand is a tattoo of a flower. Not just any flower though, is that…is that a lavender lily? How did I miss that? Is that tattoo new? My vision begins to blur as my mind tries to process why he would get my favorite flower tattooed on him. I rapidly blink away the tears and continue ogling this beautiful man. His body looks like it belongs on one of the covers of Bri’s ever-growing collection of erotica novels. Just give the man an ax or a rope, and boom, you'll sell millions of copies.
My eyes travel further down his body towards the sexiest legs I’ve ever seen. Seriously, he could probably split a watermelon in half with those thighs. Then there are his calf muscles. Glorious, delicious, strong calfmuscles send a fresh wave of lust throughout my body. Who knew legs could be so damn sexy?
