Page 42 of Be Your Somebody
I take a moment to scan her face, searching for clues as to what she might be feeling, but she interrupts me before I can ask.
“N-nothing’s wrong. Nothing you said last night upset me and nothing happened after you fell asleep,” she says, but it seems like she is trying to convince me and herself.
“Something happened. It's in your eyes.” I brush a thumb against her cheekbone while searching her face for clues. She brings her hands to mine, laying them there in a reassuring gesture.
“Cas, I’m okay, I promise,” she says. Her words don’t convince me, but her voice tells me it's not time to push it yet.
I think back to the last time we fell asleep together. It doesn’t even compare to waking up in the same bed as her. Spending the night with Avery provides the same comfort as my favorite pair of gray sweatpants. I want a lifetime of mornings with her, tangled hair and all. I want a lifetime of everything with her.
Avery breaks the silence by laughing hysterically. This isn’t her normal, musical laugh that fills me with warmth. No, this version is husky, making me overcome with a desire so intense I'm surprised I don’t combust.
“Cas, what's with your face? It keeps changing and I can't keep up. One minute you have this goofy look on your face, and then you look like this. All like serious and just different.”
I’m at a complete loss for how to describe what I’m feeling. We’ve been circling each other like vultures, both wanting to take the next step in our relationship. My personal insecurities and demons always have me pulling back. Hurting Avery again makes me feel physically sick, even worse than when I went through withdrawal. I’ve been staring at her mouth for far too long with desire. Desire to finally do something I’ve been dreaming about for a little over a decade.
I force myself to look into her eyes to see patience and love staring back at me.
“Cas, come on. Talk to me. Your silence is freaking me out.”
My mind is a tornado of want. I want to bathe in her strength and bask in her radiance. I want to finally break this tug-of-war game we’ve been playing. I know talking through things is the best option, but it's like my body told my brain to take a seat.
My hands cup her face before my insecurities have a second to catch up. Eyes that were once wide open with concern flutter closed. I keep my hands pressed against her cheek and allow myself to sit with the sensation. Her skin is so soft and silky, and it takes every part of my self-control not to lean in and lick it. Instead, I brush her cheekbone with my thumb, sending tiny shocks of electrical currents through my arm with each stroke. Her soft hum vibrates against my hand, sending a jolt that starts at my fingertips before making its way down south.
I remove my hands and collect myself before I pounce on her. Avery needs to know just how special she is to me, that she’s my only. My brain knows that, but the rest of my body is telling me to take the chance and go all in. Avery needs to know this isn’t just sex for me, that everything needs to be special for her. She deserves to be cherished, and the only way I know how to show her I’m serious, is through my actions. Her eyes open, and there’s a mixture of desire and confusion behind those intensely green eyes.
“What are y—" she says as I tuck a piece of her hair behind her ear.
“Doing something I’ve wanted since I was fourteen,” I say. Before I can lose my nerve, I lean in and kiss her. Her surprise comes out in a quick intake of breath that has me pulling back for a second. Shit, Ialready messed this up. I wanted to kiss her and thought she wanted it, too, but maybe I misread all those signals. She doesn’t give me much time to ask if this is okay before grabbing my face and bringing my mouth back to hers. The kiss starts off sweet and soft, testing the waters. The second she hears me groan, the direction of the kiss goes from gentle, to greedy and demanding. Our teeth and tongues come together so quickly you would think it would be painful, but it’s the complete opposite.
I’ve often daydreamed what kissing Avery would be like, but none of those fantasies measure up to what’s currently happening. She tugs on my lower lip bringing me out of my head and back into the current moment. I initiated the kiss, but Avery took over and it’s incredibly sexy.
I always took Avery for the slow and gentle type of woman. Avery, who always rolls her eyes and scolds me every time I make a sexual joke or innuendo. This Avery is a firecracker who’s completely ravaging my mouth. I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re permanently swollen. I place my hands on either side of her face, meaning for us to slow down, but she takes it in a completely different direction. My hands roam from her face down to her hips, giving Avery the courage to swing one of her legs over mine to straddle me.
I’m drowning in my own desire, and if I keep this up, it’ll become more difficult to stop. I feel my taking-it-slow plan begin to crash and burn. She breaks the kiss, and this is my moment to stop things before they continue, but then she starts to take her shirt off. I place my hands over hers, gently shake my head, and say the words that might literally kill me.
“Avery, let's not go there right now,” I say softly, looking into her eyes. Eyes that hold so many different emotions. I’m not entirely sure what she’s feeling, but she gets off me quickly before I can ask her.
“Oh my God, I’m so sorry. I’m so embarrassed.” Avery acts as if I burned her with how quickly she leaps off of me. She turns away from me, but I can feel the humiliation and hurt radiating off her body. She’s hunched over as if she’s trying to make herself small. Did she not feel how much I needed her when she was straddling me? Honestly, it was borderline pathetic how much my body was screaming at me to be with her. I touch her shoulder, but she shimmies out of my reach and heads toward the bathroom. I start to go to her, but she closes the bathroom door and the sound of a click stops me in my tracks.
“Avery, please open the door. We need to talk about what happened. It’s not what you think,” I say. The silence that answers me is haunting. “Avery, please?”
“Ugh, what's there to talk about? I made a complete ass of myself assuming you wanted to take things further. Gosh, Avery, how could you be so stupid? You aren’t his usual type. Blonde bombshells with big boobs. I can’t even compare to them,” Avery mutters to herself, but I hear her loud and clear.
“How could youeverthink you are comparable to those girls? You’re unique and in your own league and not like any of those other girls.” Shit, that came out all wrong. I clear my throat and try again, but the door swings open and there stands Avery, looking like a pissed-off cat.
“Like I don’t know that already. Way to rub it in my face, Cas.” Despite how much Avery’s confidence has grown, there’s still a part of her that doesn’t feel worthy. I have no one but myself to blame for that.
I have to think quickly, because if I know Avery, she’s about to walk away. As she begins to storm past me, I reach out, pull her back, and shove her against the wall beside the bathroom. I grab her face and stare at her with such intensity that I'm surprised neither of us explodes.
“Avery, does this face look like someone who doesn'twant you?” Anger slowly begins to drain from her body. One of my hands travels slowly down the side of her body and goosebumps form on her skin. My hand finally lands on the side of her hip as her hands fly up to grip my shoulders. I take one of her hands in mine and glide it down my own body. All the way down to where my dick is still throbbing and hard. “Does mydickfucking feellike it doesn’t want you?”
Her sharp intake of breath gives me my answer. Her eyes slowly travel upward towards mine where she finds desire burning behind them. She opens her mouth to speak, but I take her mouth with my own. It's my turn to be fast and greedy, and that’s just what I do. My tongue tangles with hers with such speed and intensity as if this were the last time. I close the remaining distance between us, trapping her hand between our bodies. She moves her hand up and down my dick, the friction causes an explosion of lust and need in me. My fingers grab onto her hair, wrapping it around my fist and tugging with just enough force without causing too much pain. Avery lets out a whimper and the angle allows me to deepenthe kiss. Taking my hand out of her hair, I move it to rest on the base of her throat and begin to squeeze.
Avery’s response is to increase the pace of rubbing, even squeezing my cock a few times. My other hand moves to cup her ass. I nudge my leg between hers and she opens a little wider. My hand that’s gripping her ass moves towards her inner thigh, close enough to feel the heat radiating there. I squeeze a few times before breaking from the kiss. With my hand still there, my voice comes out raspy. “Does it stillfeellike I don't want you?”
Unable to speak, she rapidly shakes her head. “Avery, you haveno ideahow much I want you. All those other girls never held a candle to your radiance. I was so fucked up in high school and knew you would never want to be with someone like me.” I pause for a moment, then continue.
“I did everything I could to date the opposite of whoI wanted.You were someone who had the power to see me. As much as I wanted that, I was too scared to go out and get it. Instead of dating someone who was kind, loving, tender, and funny, I went for fake, manipulative, and distant. So when you said all those girls aren't you, you’re right—but not in the way you think. You’re my lighthouse when I’m lost, and no one else has ever been that for me. You’re so much more to me than any of those other girls and will continue to be that for me as long as you let me. I only stopped us earlier because when we finally have sex, I want to make sure you are cherished in the way you should be. I need to let you know itisdifferent with you and willalwaysbe different with you. I want to give you everything and never want you to feel like you are just another number to me.”
