Page 44 of Be Your Somebody
“I told him that I didn't ask for him to be soft. He said, and I quote, ‘Baby, I never said anything about being gentle or soft with you.’ Then told me to be ready by six and left.”
“Holy shit, Ave, that is some kinky ass shit, man. I am feeling a little revved myself. I may have to…wait, are you going out again tonight? You just went on a date yesterday, and you are going out again so soon? Damn, he must want you badly.”
As much as I want to tell Bri that we never went out yesterday, it’s not my story to tell, so I just nod my head. “Yeah, I guess so. I mean, Iampretty damn irresistible.”
“Hell yeah, you are. Now, let's figure out what you’re going to wear tonight and make sure you look sexy as hell. I assume Cas didn’t give us much to work off of again?” With my nod, she continues.
“Men. I swear, they never give us enough information.” She makes her way over to my closet and my thoughts travel to the conversation with Cas last night. I will not let his father ruin this moment, so I shove those thoughts into a drawer and lock it up. I readjust my focus on Bri tearing through my closet. Even with her back towards me, I know she found something. I can sense herBri is a geniusface before she turns around.
“Bow down to the clothing goddess,” Bri says while showing me what she picked. In her hand is a sexy, black, floor-length, one-shoulder dress with a slit that stops mid-thigh. Her other hand holds another pair of death trap heels in bright red.
“I think you do the same hair as last time, but this time do like a daring red lip and shimmery gold eyeshadow with a cat eye and some lashes. You will look stunning. So stunning that he will—"
“Want to stay in and eat somethingelsefor dinner,” I finish for her with another roll of my eyes. Just imagining him do those things to me freaked me out, but now it doesn't sound as crazy as it did the first time.
“See? You’re learning. Now, to get you in the mood, I think you need to ask for a dick pic. It's always helpful to have a visual aid when you want to get your engine revved for later,” she says, wiggling her eyebrows.
“Brianna Mae, I amnotasking for a dick pic. Besides, you only want me to ask for one so you can see it yourself.” I laugh.
“Guilty. I mean, Ave, Cas is hot, likereallyfucking hot. Can you blame a girl for trying? I just need to see what you’re working with to make sure you are getting your needs met. But whatever, be a selfish bitch then,” she says as she hands me my outfit.
“I love you, too, Bri,” I say while hugging her.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, love you, too, I guess. I’m leaving now. Try not to get too in your head. I will call you later because I’ll need details on how it all went,” she says, walking towards the door.
“I wrote him a song!” I blurt out. Her hand remains on my bedroom door knob for a minute before she turns around and stares at me.
“Can you repeat that? I must have hallucinated because it sounded like you said you wrote a song,” she says, looking shocked.
“You heard correctly.” My heart flutters in my throat and my skin feels hot. Bri continues to stare at me with a shocked expression.
“Bri say something, please, because this frozen expression is making me antsy.”
“I—wow that’s amazing. I mean, shit, Ave, I know that writing is a tricky subject for you. When was the last time you wrote anything?” Her question shouldn’t surprise me. It’s a valid question and yet it still shocks me.
“Remember when the three of us hung out during our sophomore year?” I ask.
“Yeah—and remind me to let Cas know that threat still applies. But what does…” She pauses when recognition finally hits her face. “Wait, you mean to tell me that you haven’t written anything since then?” I nod and swallow the emotion down, not wanting to cry. That time in my life was difficult for me. Finally having my friend back only to have him taken away by his own demons sucked. I’m grateful that with years of therapy I’ve learned to accept that the past happened and it doesn’t have to impact the present.
“I mean wow, Ave, that’s a long time to go without writing. But I am so proud of you for writing again. From everything you’ve told me, it sounds like Cas was your muse or something.” She chuckles. I snap my eyes to hers so intensely that her laughter stops abruptly. “Holy shit, you’re serious?” she asks.
“I-uh, I think so?” I shrug.
“Wow, that's just. Wow. And now that Cas is back—"
“I’m writing again. It just makes sense, you know? Him being my muse.” My voice comes out shaky.
“Well, regardless of the reason, I'm glad you are writing again. Can I—can I read it?” she asks hopefully. I want nothing more for her to read it, but a part of me hesitates because it’s raw and emotional. Yes, it’s based on the conversation Cas and I had, but the lyrics don't give anything away. I’m still silently contemplating whether or not to share or not when she interrupts my thoughts.
“You don't have to share if you don't want to, Ave. I’ll understand if you want to keep it to yourself, but if you do want to, I would love to listen,” she gently says.
“It's not that I don't want you to listen. I do. It's just if you do listen, you have to promise me not to ask what it's about. You just have to read it and be okay with not asking any questions,” I say, slightly scared of her reaction.
“Okay,”she says matter-of-factly. I hesitate momentarily before walking past her to grab the journal. I pause outside of my bedroom and take a deep breath before entering and handing it over to her. She begins to read and my leg shakes with anxiety. Bri huffs out a sigh and stops reading to look at me.
“Avery, I’m going to need you to sit on the floor. I can’t read this with your legs causing an earthquake,” she says, returning her attention to the journal. I sit on the floor in front of my bed, feeling like I’m at the far end of the line waiting to get inside my favorite amusement park. She puts her hand on my shoulder, indicating that she wants to talk. When my eyes meet hers, I find tears there. My face pales like a character in a suspense movie, waiting for something terrible to happen.
“This is incredibly beautiful, Avery. You feel every single emotion with your words, and it's just, it's breathtaking and heartbreaking. Thank you for sharing it with me. Please tell me you shared this with him or that you will. And please, please,pleasetell me you are entering this song into the contest?”
