Page 5 of Be Your Somebody
I open the door, and to my surprise, Evelyn and Michael Andrews, Cas' grandparents, look at me with matching, hopeful expressions. Evelyn’s once-long hair is now a chin-length bob of sleek, gray hair. She’s a petite woman with the most transparent blue-green eyes I’ve ever seen, and today, she’s in jeans and a canary yellow sweater. Evelyn has a spit-fire attitude and isn't afraid to call you out. She is also one of the most loving and compassionate women I’ve ever met.
Michael is the spitting image of Cas—all dark hair, now gray with age, and the same piercing, wolfish-gray eyes. He’s the silent broody type when you first meet him, but after a while, he is the sweetest man you’ll ever meet. Evelyn and Michael are the prime examples of that grumpy sunshine trope Brianna is always swooning over.
As I stare into their weathered faces, I notice their smiles don’t reach their eyes. The last time I saw this look was the day Cas overdosed. I still hear the words Evelyn said to me playing on repeat in my head.“Cas overdosed and he’s in the hospital.” That phone call changed my life. I had previously contemplated if giving him the letter would do more harm than good. But hearing his grandmother’s distraught tone through the phone was my last straw. I knew I had to let him go.
Over the years, I've repaired my relationship with setting boundaries. I always caved when it came to Cas. He was my best friend and I was desperate to keep him. Desperate to be by his side. But in doing so, I lost myself. I missed the Avery who was fun and bubbly. It wasn'tjust Cas who got lost beneath the rubble, I did, too. So yeah, I wrote the letter for the both of us, but I was the priority here. Me and my mental and emotional health were the priority. Then, seeing Evelyn hunched over in a chair, shaking with silent tears filled me with rage. It's one thing to put me through his antics, but doing this to his grandparents? Seeing the look of pure devastation on their faces was the push I needed to let him go.
The sound of a throat clearing brings me out of my journey down memory lane. “Hi, Avery.” Evelyn’s voice is cheery, but she doesn’t know how to act around me. Not now. I wanted to give them space after Cas overdosed. If I’m being honest, I was doing everything possible to avoid them.
“Cas, is he? Is he okay? Did something happen?” My words come out frantic and rushed.
She shakes her head at me and relief spreads like wildfire throughout my body. “No, dear, he’s fine. He’s been in rehab for the last three months. He gets discharged tomorrow. It was his idea to go, believe it or not.” She laughs, coming out a tad shaky.
“That’s, um, that’s great. I’m glad Cas is doing well.” I look down at my feet, unable to meet her gaze.
“I'm sorry we haven't been by to see you. We needed time after we saw your letter,” Michael adds. I glance up at Michael and his face is unreadable.
Remorse slams into me like an offensive tackle. This was the one thing I wanted to avoid, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to for long. It didn’t stop me from hoping, though.
“I-I'm sorry. I didn't want you to read that letter or see you after I gave it to Cas. I couldn't stand to see you hurt or disappointed in me. I just couldn’t go through it all again.”
“Honey, look at me,” Evelyn says. I hesitate, so she lifts my chin with her hand. “We couldneverbe disappointed in you. At first we didn’t understand ending your friendship the way you did. But after attending a few support groups for family members of addicts, we realized why you did it. He hurt you so many times. You had to put yourself first. We totally understand your reasoning.” I don’t deserve her gentle tone.
“We still love you, Avery, and we always will,” Michael chimes in.
I burst into tears as the weight I’ve been carrying these last three months rises to the surface. Before I realize what’s happening, I’m wrapped in a group hug while my body shakes like an earthquake. Being away from Evelyn and Michael for all this time has been challenging. I didn't realize how much I missed them.
“Oh, honey, don’t cry. Everything will fall into place. I firmly believe that.” Evelyn says while stroking my hair.
“I just, it’s been so hard to let him go. I miss him every single day.” My words come out broken as my body surrenders to my uncontrollable sobbing.
“I know you do, honey. Cas misses you, too but he's not the reason for our visit. Right now, we're here for you. We wanted to see how you were doing. I can’t imagine how these last three months have been for you.” Her words are soft, which makes me feel comforted, yet ashamed.
“I just don’t understand how the both of you can stand here and be concerned about me. He’s your grandson and I’m just Avery, your next-door neighbor.” I sniffle.
“Avery, honey, I think we should go inside and talk. If we keep talking on your porch, I’m afraid we’ll all freeze to death,” Michael says. I nod my head, reluctantly pull out of their embrace, and step back for them to enter.
“Do you guys want any coffee or tea?” I ask as they take off their many layers.
“No, thank you, dear. I’m okay. Michael?” Evelyn turns to her husband, who shakes his head in response.
We make our way to my couch. I don’t have much time to make myself comfortable before Evelyn turns to me with a fierce look in her eye.
“Avery," Evelyn grabs onto my hand, giving it a gentle squeeze before continuing. "You aren’t just our neighbor. Yes, Cas is our grandson, but you are part of our family. He hurt you. Your feelings are valid, and Michael and I hurt for both of you. We just want what's best for the both of you. The two of you need time to heal, and who knows, maybe down the road, you can fix what's been broken. Maybe you won’t. Regardless of the outcome, Michael and I love you very much.”
I’ve lost so much in my life already. I couldn’t stand the possibility of losing Evelyn and Michael. I look up into both of their smiling faces and break out into a watery smile.
"Thank you.I didn't know how much I needed to hear those words until now. I love you both so much. I'm still so frustrated with Cas, but I do miss him…every day. He’s everything to me. I'm not sure if we could ever be friends again, but just know he'll always be a part of me. Personal feelings aside, Iamhappy he finally got help.”
Evelyn goes to speak, but Michael places his hand over hers to silence her. “Avery, we love you right back. I’m so proud of you for sticking to your principles. It shows how strong you are, and that’s something I admire about you. We just wanted to stop in to check on you and also apologize again for our silence. We won’t keep you any longer. We need to prepare for Cas’s homecoming.”
They both lean in to kiss me on the cheek before embracing me in a group hug before leaving.
As soon as I shut the door, I race over to the mantel above the fireplace where my parents rest peacefully in the ceramic urn. It’s painted a beautiful off-white, with lavender lilies decorated throughout in delicate strokes. While they aren’t here physically, I can still feel them.
My mother was a vibrant woman, always humming some tune while dancing throughout the house. I remember hours spent in the kitchen, blasting music and baking cookies. It was normally just the two of us, but when Cas moved in next door, he eventually joined us. More often than not, the majority of the cookie dough magically ended up everywhere but in the bowl.
While my mom was the life of the party, my dad was more laid back. I may take after my mom in regard to the random singing, but as far as my personality goes, I’m my father’s daughter. At first, he appears quiet. It’s when he becomes comfortable around someone that the goofball comes out. That’s me. I remember always feeling like an oddball because I could never just go and talk to someone without overanalyzing everything in my head. When I was diagnosed with anxiety at fourteen, everything about me made sense. It’s why I had more of a difficult time making friends, except Cas. It’s like my soul had been searching for his, because the second I laid eyes on him, the anxious thoughts were silenced. When I told Cas about the anxiety, he went into overdrive, asking me what I needed and how he could help me. He used to be so compassionate, so understanding. But when I tried to confront him about his own anxiety, his tune changed real quick. That’s a wound I don’t think will ever heal. Theonly way to get over that is with Cas owning up to his wrongs. And given everything that’s happened recently, I don’t see that happening. That’s probably why this whole ordeal with him hit me so hard.
