Page 26 of Be Your Somebody
“A penny for your thoughts?” he asks.
I have two choices here: aim for total transparency or keep it all locked away.
“I’mjust thinking about random stuff.” I chicken out, not wanting to spoil this moment. I sneak another glance over his way and he seems nervous. His fingers rapidly tap out a beat on the steering wheel. It feels like he’s purposefully avoiding my gaze.
“A penny for your thoughts, Cas?” I repeated his question back to him. I don’t expect him to be honest, so his vulnerability takes me by surprise.
“I’m nervous that I'll fuck this whole plan up. I don’t want to disappoint you,” Cas replies.
“Oh,” is all I manage to say.Oh? That’s all you can think of saying, Avery?
Cas glances over my way. His body slumps and his eyes hint at disappointment, but it’s gone as quickly as it came. Guilt threatens to slice through me like a sword, but when I open my mouth, no words come out. Cas begins talking before I can attempt to try again. “You don’t want to do this, do you? Damn it. I knew this list was a stupid idea. I'll turn the car around and we can—" I stop him by gently squeezing his forearm, ignoring the jolts of electricity that flow through my veins in response.
“No, I love it! I’m impressed and touched that you’d go through all this trouble for someone like me.”
“Avery. I would do whatever it takes for you. It's not because it's someone like you. It's because it'syou,” he admits. I blink back the tears that threaten to fall. I remove my hand from his arm and cradle it against my chest.
While the car may be silent, my mind is anything but. When Cas asked me what I was thinking, I wimped out. I wasn’t expecting him to be so open with me. I bite my lip as I contemplate my next move. I should tell him something.
“Bri thinks I should enter a songwriting competition,” I blurt out. Well, shit. That's not what I meant by sharing something honest. You went from zero to one-eighty with that tidbit.I peek out the window. I try to gauge if I could tuck and roll safely without injuring myself, but we aren’t going slow enough for that. So, being the masochist that I am, I look at Cas to get a read on his thoughts. Cas’s silence is deafening while my anxiety shouts through a megaphone. He doesn’t say anything the rest of the drive. I shift in my seat to stare numbingly out the windshield, my hands folded neatly into my lap.
We pull up to the park and Cas practically leaps out of the car. My freeze response has kicked in. It isn’t until Cas knocks on the passengerside window that I realize I’m under the safety of the seatbelt. I let out a soft sigh before unbuckling my seatbelt and opening the car door. I place the camera on the vehicle's floor, and the second my feet touch the ground, his arms wrap around my waist like a boa constrictor. He’s spinning me in circles, sending jolts of shock and electricity to buzz throughout my body.
“I'm so proud of you! Please tell me you’re entering because people need to hear your voice.” His giddiness is contagious, and I can’t help but throw my head back and laugh.
“Cas put me down. I don't think you want me puking all over you.” My voice is a mix of laughter and shouting. Can someone laugh-shout? Well, I just did. He eventually stops spinning me, and his hands move from my waist to my shoulders.
“I’m serious. I want you to think about this. Think of the lives you’ll change with your voice. Before you say you aren’t good enough, just promise me you’ll do it,” Cas begs.
Cas hits me with a pleading expression. He could ask me anything at this moment and I’d say yes. He has this effect on me. Despite our ups and downs, I want to do everything to make him happy. Insecurity usually threatens to play its mind control games with me, but with Cas, they’re silent. I need to trust my abilities, but having Cas believe in me makes it easier. With him by my side, I can be the fearless woman he claims to see.
Cas reaches out to tuck a piece of hair behind my ear before leaning in. His hot breath against my ear causes a tingling between my legs, making me press my thighs together.
I’m not sure what I thought he planned on saying, but it wasn’t this. “Wanna race?” he asks. But before I can answer, he takes off running.
“Cheater!” I shout at his retreating back before running after him. The sound of his laugh has me momentarily stunned. Damn, I didn’t realize how much I had missed hearing his laugh until now.
When Cas shouts at me to move my ass, I realize I’m supposed to be chasing after him. Cas is already halfway to the swings. I take off after him, quickly closing in on the distance between us. Without giving it much thought, I jump on Cas’ back, causing us to come crashing down. It feels like we’re recreating the scene where Simba jumps onto Nala after they reunite.
We roll around in the grass, but instead of it being soft, it’s dry, almost hay-like. From an outsider's perspective, we probably look like animals rolling around in a barn. I find myself hovering above him, with his hands gripping my waist. My attempt at escaping from his clutch fails. Within seconds he reverses our positions with the swiftness of a pro wrestler, knocking the breath out of me. Thank God no one else is here as we lie on top of each other in the park. The desire in Cas’ eyes makes my blood heat, and my body pulses like the bass in a car. His hand reaches out toward my face and my body stiffens.
Um, what is he doing? Is he going to kiss me? Holy shit, it’s going to happen. Does my breath smell bad? It’s not like I can check without giving myself away.My eyes flutter closed and my lips part automatically. This is the moment I’ve been waiting for.Remain calm, Avery.It’s not like you're a terrible kisser. Wait, what if he thinks you’re a lousy kisser? Ugh, the embarrassment alone will be devastating.Instead of cupping my face, his fingers briefly brush my hair before pulling back, taking the excitement with him and leaving disappointment in its wake.
My eyes snap open in time to catch him licking his lips as he stares at mine. I hold my breath, waiting for Cas to make his move. The moment disappears as quickly as it comes, and discontentment weighs heavy in my chest.
Cas clears his throat before showing me a leaf. “You, uh, had this in your hair.” His voice comes out rough and gravelly. He cages my head between his forearms, locking us in a sexually charged version of the try not to blink game. If I moved just the slightest bit, our noses would touch. I could make a move.
I’m giving myself a mini pep talk internally while Cas stares at me with a heat so intense it threatens to give me third-degree burns. I momentarily lose my breath as his eyes drop toward my mouth for the second time. I just want to grab his face and pull him toward me, but that seems aggressive. Our bodies are so close that I can feel the sledgehammer pulse beating inside his chest. His eyes meet mine and I jut my chin out, giving him the green light to rip the cord of tension and put his mouth on mine. Just as I think he’s about to grant my wish, his entire body tenses. Cas’ heart rate spikes dangerously, thrumming in his neck, and his eyes flit past our intertwined bodies while searching for something or maybe someone. I squirm beneath him, hoping to glimpse what he’slooking at. Cas’s attention snaps back to me and his expression goes from intense to playful in less than two seconds. He’s jumping off of me, taking the warmth with him.
“Stay right there!” he yells before returning to his car. I’m just lying on the ground wearing a dumb look. I try to get up, but Cas shouts to stay still as he runs back toward me with his camera in hand. All I hear are the sounds of my heart thudding and quick shutters. I love watching Cas’ eyes shine with passion as he takes photos. With all the different angles and him moving this way and that, it’s easy to get lost. He clicks the camera again, and his face changes when he looks at the photo. Cas’ throat bobs and his eyes darken slightly. Before my brain can compute the look he gave, Cas slings the camera around his neck, yanks me to my feet, and moves us toward the swings.
I’m still in my head, attempting to decipher the look he gave me when Cas pushes me toward one of the swings. Cas is a jungle gym kind of guy, so the fact that he wants to put my favorite before his own has my heart soaring with happiness. That’s one thing Cas excelled at when we were kids, going above and beyond to make me happy.
Snapshots of Cas and I playing at the park during our childhood flutter around in my mind. No matter how often I asked him why we didn’t do what he wanted first, he’d shrug it off like it wasn’t a big deal. After about the fifth time I asked, he caved and said he loved how my face lit up whenever I was on the swings.
Being a full-grown adult sitting in the swing hits differently. The seat is snug and uncomfortable as it hugs my hips. I don’t remember the rubberized tire tread of the swing being this cold. The silver chains holding the swing in place are more difficult to grasp onto and one wrong move of your fingers and you’ll get pinched. The smell of freshly laid mulch causes my nose to scrunch in distaste. I don’t remember it smelling this badly. It’s not the same as when I was a child, but I don’t care. I close my eyes and just let go.
“I almost forgot how much I loved feeling like I was flying.” I pump my legs faster and faster, going as high as I can while listening to the creaking sound of the chains. I open my eyes to see if I'm going higher than him, but he must have stopped swinging a while ago. He’s sitting there with the same expression he had earlier.
