Page 10 of Be Your Somebody
“No, Cas, we can’t. Until you understand where I'm coming from, I don’t see a future in being friends. Just go,” I reply.
“Avery, you don’t—" He abruptly stops as Bri places a hand on his shoulder.
“I believe she asked you to leave, Cas,” Brianna says. The sound of her voice has him jumping back in shock.
“This doesn't concern you, Bri. It’s between Avery and I,” he responds.
“Avery is my best friend, so that makes her my business. I know you care about her, Cas, but she asked you to leave. You think you mean well, but you both need to cool off. Listen, I’m happy you got the help you needed, and I’m proud of you, but she needs some space right now,” she replies in a firm tone.
He looks back at me for something I’m unsure I can give him. His words sting and my tears cascade down my face more freely. Devastation replaces his anger and that look cuts deep into my core. I don’t like seeing him so hurt, but I can be sad for him and heartbroken for what he put me through. As he walks away, his body hunches. His footsteps are rushed as if he’s trying to run away from the pain of our conversation. Hell, even I want to run away from the pain, as well.
“Let's go inside, Avery. It's cold outside, and I think we need some hot cocoa and a good cry,” Bri says while wrapping her arms around my body. Fuck, my heart hurts and I wonder to myself if it will it always be like this.
Chapter 8
Avery
UNO is a dangerous game
Iclutchatmyheart, hoping to keep it from shattering in a million pieces. This hurts too much. I glance at Bri who’s standing next to me with a soft, comforting expression on her face. She’s always been that for me. When life gets tough or I fall into an anxious spiral, there’s Bri, ready to tackle anything I throw at her.
I glance at my best friend and take a moment to admire her. Bri is a tall, curvaceous woman with long, wavy, chestnut brown hair and the most beautiful amber eyes set in a permanent smolder. She’s a walking sexualfantasy for men; and they buzz around her like they’re bees and she’s their queen.
Bri accepts me for who I am, but she also challenges me to step outside my comfort zone. In Brianna’s world, there’s no room for second guessing. She just goes for it, something I envy. Yet, since our first meeting sophomore year of college, I have started to blossom. Going out for trivia nights once a month with my coworkers. Karaoke nights have also made a triumphant return which is something I missed doing dearly. Hell, I’ve even attempted to date.Attemptbeing the keyword. I have my standards, and no one ever seems to measure up. It’s either that, or the date goes so poorly that I practically crawl out the bathroom window of the restaurant. The last disaster date I wasn’t feeling particularly myself—the anxiety monster was winning hard that day and he had the audacity to ask if it was my time of the month. Needless to say, I bolted out of there like an Olympic track star. If I hadn’t met Bri, I wouldn’t be doing any of these things.
Other than Cas, she's the only person who knows me. At one point in time, the three of us were inseparable. We spent lots of nights together playing games and laughing until we cried. As Bri and I walk into the house, I notice UNO cards sitting on the table from a game night I hosted with some work friends and I laugh.
“What are you laughing at? I only caught the tail end of that conversation and it didn’t feel that lighthearted.”
I smile while pointing to the UNO cards. “I’m just thinking about all those game nights we used to have. If I remember correctly, you both teamed up against me, making me draw like eight cards every other hand.”
Bri looks at me with false innocence while placing a hand to her chest. “Usdo that? Why, we’d never. How dare you accuse me of such a thing.” That statement would have been believable if not for the giant smirk on her face.
My sophomore year of college felt like the year of Murphy’s Law. I was struggling to finish my classes due to my anxiety being at an all-time high. Then I got the call that my parents passed away in a car accident. And days later, Cas comes strutting across campus looking for me and it was just all too much. I was having daily panic attacks. Trying to cope with my parents’ death while repairing my friendship with Cas was a lot.
While it was a lot to handle, I was thankful for Cas and Bri. They were my lifelines and game nights became my sanctuary. Without them, I’m not sure If I’d be the person I am today.
I wrap my arms around my best friend, allowing her comfort and love to seep through me. “Thank you,” I mutter.
“Always.” Bri’s response, while simple, is powerful and just what I needed. Bri points to the couch and then motions toward the kitchen with her head. She doesn’t say anything, but I know she wants me to crawl under the covers and get comfy.
I'm sitting on the couch when Bri brings over two mugs of hot cocoa. I whisper my thanks as she cuddles with me under the fleece blanket. We sit in comfortable silence, and I’m eternally grateful, because I'm not ready to talk yet.
After a while, Bri puts her empty cup down and turns to face me. “So, are you ready to talk?”
I nod my head and turn to face her. “I-I wasn't expecting to see him so soon, you know? He caught me off guard. It got heated and we said some things. Some I stand by, but some I regret. I know he cares for me and wants me in his life. Iwantto be in his life, but…”
“But?” she prompts.
“But I'm not ready yet. You remember what it was like when Cas was sober. How we hung out all the time, laughing and playing games. You also saw what his relapse did to me. Cas is a living, breathing version of that Katy Perry song, pulling me in with his promises only to turn around and go back on his word. The day he overdosed, I wrote him a letter letting him go. It tore my heart out to write it, but it needed to happen. If both you and my therapist taught me anything, it’s the importance of putting myself first. So, that’s what I did.”
“Ahh, that makes sense. That’s why he was acting that way today. It doesn’t give him a right to treat you that way, but it all fits.”
“No, it doesn't give him the right. He was hurt and angry. While I understand that, it seemed he wasn’t seeing things from my perspective. Cas can sometimes get tunnel vision, only focused on one thing. He just wanted to go back to before and I can’t do that.” My throat is so thick with emotion that I’m surprised I could even speak.
She nods. “I get this is difficult for you, but I am also proud of you for standing your ground. You and Cas have always had an intenseconnection. I can’t imagine how difficult it is to hold him off, especially when he finally got the help he needed.”
“Ugh, it was so hard. There were moments that I thought about sayingfuck itand letting Cas back in. But I know better than that. Still, he looked good, though,” I say.
