Page 52 of What it Takes
Nola leaned back in her seat, and then she laughed. “You’re going to have to start giving up some details because you and him both being on the main street at the same time isn’t helping me understand how sex got involved.”
“He offered to go shopping with me and he got some groceries, so we drove to his place. I carried some groceries up and his bed was right there and...we had sex and then I drove him back to the fire station and luckily got Rosie’s groceries to her before the ice melted.”
“That’s pretty much the least romantic first time story I’ve ever heard.”
“No, it was good. It was better than good. It was...perfect.”
“I’m still hung up on the fact he offered to go grocery shopping with you. That part’s kind of romantic.”
“You’re not helping.” She took a long sip of iced tea, hoping to calm her nerves.
“Okay, so you haven’t talked to him since?”
“A few text messages, but no, not really.”
“I’m not really the best at relationship advice under the best of circumstances, but I’m trying,” Nola said. “And I think I’d have a better idea of what to say if I knew what the problem was. Are you afraid he’s going to show up thinking you’re his girlfriend now, or are you afraid he won’t?”
“I don’t want a boyfriend,” Laney said, but she wasn’t sure if she meant it or if it was a reflex. “What good was coming to Maine and living in a camper for the summer to learn how to be myself without a man in my life if I let a man into my life?”
“You came here to find your joy. I think if something—or somebody—makes you happy, you should be open to it because maybe that’s part of the joy.”
She thought she understood what Nola was trying to say, but she couldn’t let go of the fear. Fear that if she wasn’t strong enough yet to live her life the wayshewanted to before letting somebody else share it with her, she would fade away again.
“You don’t know how he feels about it?” her cousin asked.
“About me? Not really, other than he’s attracted to me and we seem to be good friends. But I do know he wants to settle down and start a family as soon as possible. We’re in very different places in that respect. But he knows that.”
“You might be thinkingtoomuch about it. If he knows you’re not at that place, then he might not have any expectations. You won’t know how it is until you see him, so you’re winding yourself up for nothing.”
That was easy for Nola to say. She wasn’t about to have a potentially awkward moment in front of essentially the entire town.
Emma
She loved her in-laws like crazy, but right now Emma wished her grandmother was there with her. Sean was surrounded by his family and old friends and people who’d known him his entire life, and it just drove home to her how much he was from this place.
To give herself a break, she took Johnny into the camper for some quiet time. She knew he needed it because he didn’t put up a struggle. Instead, with the air conditioner cooling him off and offering the low hum of white noise, he’d curled up on the big bed with a couple of stuffed animals. He’d be asleep within five minutes as long as nobody interrupted them.
And she felt better just being inside what was now her grandmother’s home, even if it was on wheels. It was a comfort, and she smiled when she looked at the framed picture of Cat and Russell that was screwed to one of the kitchen cabinets.
Then she saw the sticky note on the next cabinet over. The small yellow square was filled with Sean’s handwriting, and her eyes were already filling up with tears as she peeled it off.
No matter what I’m doing right now, I’m thinking about you because I love you.
She sighed and wiped at her eyes before she could drip tears on his note. Random sticky notes from her husband weren’t a surprise. He’d gotten in the habit of leaving sticky notes on the mirror in the bathroom they shared back when they were trying to fool her grandmother into thinking they were engaged and they weren’t always free to talk to each other in the house. And he’d continued leaving them after their pretend romance became a very real one, though they’d become more about loving her and less about hating certain green vegetables.
What surprised her was how often the sticky notes appeared when she needed them the most. They lifted her mood or soothed her anxieties and, no matter what was going in life, reminded her she was loved. And now, when she was taking refuge in the RV and hadn’t even known he’d packed sticky notes and a Sharpie. Or scavenged them from Josh’s office. But instead of peace, today’s note just made the turmoil churn harder in her mind.
What would she do if he brought up the possibility of moving to Whitford?
Before they’d arrived here, the thought would never have crossed her mind. She wasn’t totally sure it would have occurred to Sean, either. But it was crossing her mind now. Every time she saw Sean or Johnny with Rosie and was struck by the strength of that bond. When she saw him with his brothers, all of them looking younger and happier just because they were together and enjoying it so much.
And she didn’t want to lean on practical considerations. Yes, she’d spent years building her landscaping business and there wasn’t much call for her specialty in this part of Maine. Sean, too, had built a reputation just in the years he’d been working in the area. But when push came to shove, they were jobs. They could probably find work in the area. And the house was paid for, but it could be sold.
She ignored the jolt of pain that thought caused her for now. It was a house. And her grandmother and Russell could drive their RV to Maine just as easily and often as they drove it to New Hampshire. She wanted Sean to be happy and he was certainly happy here.
But she wasn’t sure she would be, and it just started the loop ofwhat ifover in her head. Rather than drive herself into a real crying jag, she ran her fingertip over the words Sean had written on the sticky note and then tucked it into her purse. She had a wooden trunk in her closet where she kept them all and she’d add this one when they got home.
Home.Sighing, she went to tuck a light blanket over her sleeping son in case the AC was blowing too much on him. Then she carefully stretched out beside him and closed her eyes, trying to let her tension ease away as she listened to Johnny’s soft breathing.
