Page 70 of Under Control
“I have people I can’t let down, too.”
“I know you do. I’m not trying to diminish that, I swear.” He blew out a breath, because he knew it sounded that way. “But if you let those people down, they’ll find other jobs.”
“Oh, good job at not diminishing my obligation to my team.”
“I’m talking aboutfamily,Olivia. You dealt with a messy family situation by moving several states away and you use the phone to control the impact they’re allowed to have on your life.”
“That wasn’t messy. It was toxic.” She shook her head, but it was a quick shake, like she was trying to stay in control. “I told you why I came to Boston and why I stayed. And don’t you dare compare my choice to put distance between my parents and I to you thinking I wouldn’t be willing to help your daughter with a school project.”
“Right now you have distance from us, too.”
“My life is in the Back Bay. You’ve known that from the day we met.”
“Yourworkis in the Back Bay.”
The look she gave him, full of hurt and disappointment, broke his heart. “No. That’s myhome. You’ve tried to diminish that truth over time by making jokes about hotels and calling it my office, but that’s my home.”
“I can’t live that far away from my kids.” She took another step back, and he couldn’t do anything to stop the growing distance between them. He couldn’t see himself—or his kids—making a home there. “I just can’t see myself doing that. My kids are here. My work. My friends. My life is here.”
“I know. And the life I’ve built, which includes my work and my friends, is there.”
“And you’re not willing to give it up.”
“I’m willing to talk about it,” she snapped, her temper flaring. “I’m willing to find a compromise, but what about you? What areyouwilling to give up to make it work? Because from over here, it sounds like nothing.”
“I have the kids to consider.”
“I know you and Amber have a great relationship so your kids are used to having access to both of you all the time. I know better than anybody how wonderful that is.” She paused for a second, and took a deep breath. “But what I hear you saying is that you don’t care that plenty of parents deal with some distance when seeing their kids, even living in different states. You’re not willing to drive across the city to see them if that’s what it takes to be with me.”
“And you’re not willing to commute if that’s what it takes to be with me.” He heard a note of finality in his voice that he didn’t want to be real.
“What if we buy a place in between somewhere?” She asked the question calmly, but her body was trembling. “I’m sure we can find a nice neighborhood that’s still close to the kids, and splits the work commute between us.”
“Jesus, Olivia, I can’t afford anything deeper into the heart of the city.” He ran his hand through his hair, blowing out a breath. “And before you say it, no, I’m not okay with you paying for the kind of place you’re talking about. A man wants to be able to take care of his family.”
“Okay.” She said it so softly, he barely heard the word. Then swiped at her eyes with a hand that was visibly shaking.
He wanted to go to her, but he felt frozen to the spot. Their hearts were both breaking, but he didn’t know how to stop it. He wanted to hold her and kiss away the pain on her face, but he didn’t have the answers. He didn’t know how to keep them from being in the exact same place when the tears dried.
“I’m going to go,” she said as she moved toward the door. Then she paused with her hand on the doorknob and took a long, shuddering breath. “I’m not going to come back. Goodbye, Derek.”
She didn’t look back. He stared at the door without moving for what felt like days after she closed it behind her, but it didn’t open again.
She wasn’t coming back.
* * *
Olivia stared at her open closet, neither remembering nor caring why she’d opened it in the first place.
Nothing made sense to her right now. Nothing mattered. She’d never given a thought to what a broken heart felt like. If she had, she probably would have looked at the trail of broken hearts in her family tree and guess it felt like a bottomless pit of anger.
She felt empty. There was a void in her life where Derek had been—whether he was physically with her or not—and it was a big one.
When the phone she’d tossed on the bed rang, her heart jumped and for the few seconds it took her to cross the room to look at the screen, she allowed herself to hope it was Derek. That they’d talk and work it out and everything would be okay.
That hope died when she saw her mother’s name. Since she didn’t think it was possible to feel worse than she already did, she answered it.
“Hi, Mom.”
