Page 72 of Under Control
“Everything. Derek.”
“Derek is a him, not an it. What’s slipping away?”
“Control,” she whispered, looking at her hands. “My plan. I don’t know how to get back on track. He told me he loved me and I told him I love him, too. But then it just...blew up. I don’t know what happened, but he wasn’t willing to compromise onanything, so what was I supposed to do?”
“Maybe you need to let that plan go. Take a few days, then think about what you really want and make a new plan.”
“I have a plan.”
“Set it on fire.”
Olivia’s head jerked up. “What?”
“Take that book of yours outside and set it on fire.”
“The thought of that makes me physically ill.” She put her hand on her stomach because she wasn’t lying.
“Okay, so that was a little radical. Let’s start small. Since I see your task lists, I know you were looking for something to wear to the Village Hearts benefit. Did you find one?”
Olivia closed her eyes for a moment as a wave of fresh pain washed over her. “I have to go.”
“Yup.”
“Derek will be there.”
“Also yup. Which is why the dress is important. Did you find one?” Olivia shook her head. “Let’s go shopping. Right now.”
“We can’t just leave and go shopping. We have to go over the script for the next podcast.”
“We don’t have to do that right now. I know you’re not going to set your planner on fire, but accept that your business will not come crashing down if we get out of here for an hour and clear your head a little.”
It wasn’t her head that was the problem. It was her heart. But finding something to wear for the benefit was technically a task for today. When she’d written it down, she’d meant to go through her closet and find something. But if she went into the office right now, she’d probably do more staring at the wall than working. She might as well getsomethingchecked off her list.
Kelsey claimed to know the perfect place and it was within easy walking distance. Olivia put herself in her assistant’s hands and followed along. The weather was on the warm side, but the humidity wasn’t bad, so she tried to focus on enjoying the present moment. Or at least not giving up, sitting on a bench and bawling her eyes out.
The dress shop was the small boutique kind that Olivia usually avoided because it was a lot more efficient to shop in larger stores so you could get everything you needed in one spot. But Kelsey dragged her over to a rack of dresses.
“You need to make a statement,” she declared.
“Okay.” Olivia sighed and lifted the sleeve of a dark green dress before dropping it. “Find me a dress that says I was living a perfectly planned life until a firefighter came and scribbled all over my plan with a Sharpie and broke my heart, and now I’m a mess.”
Kelsey pulled a royal blue dress off the rack and held it up. “I was thinking the statement could be more along the lines ofthat idiot had this and blew it.”
Had he blown it? Or had she? Olivia wasn’t even sure anymore. She just knew her heart had been blown apart. “That’s not really my style. And it’s a charity to raise money for children.”
“But it’s not a kids’ party. And it’s not even revealing.”
Olivia knew the color would look amazing on her, but Kelsey was wrong about it not being revealing. Maybe it wouldn’t show a lot of skin, but even on the hanger, Olivia could see that the fabric, the fitted waist and the deep V of the neckline would reveal plenty.
She tried it on and when she stepped out of the dressing room, Kelsey’s eyebrows shot up and she gave a sharp nod.
“That’s the one. Trust me.”
Right now, it felt as if Kelsey was theonlyperson she could trust with decision making, so she bought the dress. They walked back to the office and she forced herself to focus enough on the podcast script to check it off the list. She wasn’t oblivious to the fact when they did the end-of-day review that Kelsey had shifted some things around and even pushed a few items back. She didn’t argue.
Eventually there was nothing left for Kelsey to do, so she left and Olivia was alone. She forced herself to eat because she had to. Then she took a long, hot bath scented with lavender and chamomile before putting on her favorite pajamas and crawling into bed with her phone.
Derek wasn’t going to call. She knew it, but it didn’t stop her from staring at the dark phone screen. She needed to hear his voice.
